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Wondering whether your lady has had an orgasm? Here are some truths and false statements about the female orgasm.
Vaginas get wet when a woman is turned on.
Except for when that isn’t true. Women can be turned on and not get super wet, women can get wet and not be super turned on. So while the conventional wisdom is that wetness = sexually aroused, that equation is not 100% accurate all the time. Remember that this does not mean that wetness is considered a sign that a woman has had an orgasm.
There is one way to “give” a woman an orgasm.
Every single woman on the planet is different and responds to sexual stimulation in her own way. There is not a guaranteed toy, trick, gel, drink, herb, patch or technique that will work for each woman. It is TRUE that a majority of women like/need direct clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm, but the actual type of stimulation varies and is not necessary for every woman.
Female ejaculation is real.
Yes, female ejaculation is real and women can ejaculate when having an orgasm, but LOTS of women have fantastic orgasms without ejaculating.
There is one way to know a woman has had an orgasm.
The only real way to know is to have you partner tell you that she has. Some women make loud guttural noises, and some are quiet and silent when they climax. Some squeak. Some laugh. Some cry. Some yell. Some just smile.
And yes, some even lie about it. You will never truly know if your partner has had an orgasm unless she tells you. And she might not do that unless you ask her.
I suggest not jumping in right after you come and saying, “Did you come huh, huh? Did you have an orgasm?” Instead, maybe ask her gently something to the effect, “Was that nice? Do you want a little more attention anywhere? Can I keep pleasuring you?” Alternatively, ask her when you are not in the sack, “Soooooo.. I was just wondering cause I can’t really tell from your body language, but do you have orgasms when you have sex/fuck/make love?”
I know that can be an awkward question, but if you really can’t tell if she is having an orgasm, it's actually a really nice thing to do. And if her answer is, “No. I don’t," then a great follow up question is, “Oh, sorry... What can I do to help that happen for you?”.
Talk to your partner about sex! Be a generous lover and communicate your desires, questions and needs. And women - tell your partners what is going with your body. It is hot and people like knowing you are feeling good when they touch/stroke/tickle/fondle you right there.
Searah Deysach is owner of Early to Bed. She's been committed to informing Chicago about sex and love for over a decade. She's written for and been featured in numerous publications on the topic from Chicago Now to WBEZ, MsBehaved, Chicago Reader and beyond. She also lectures frequently on topics related to sex and sexuality. Follow Searah on Twitter as @EarlyToBed, Subscribe on Facebook and follow her blogs on the Early to Bed Blog.
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