Country Girl City Life: sexual exploration

Showing posts with label sexual exploration. Show all posts

5 Ways to Make Sex More Sensual

You've heard from GetLusty about intimacy and sensuality in sex - about intimacy before and after. So how about making the act itself - whether that's intercourse or foreplay - more sensual? Our newest writers, the cutest counseling couple we've seen recently, Dr. Janelle Alex, Ph.D. and Rob Alex, M.Sc., are here to shed light on sensuality in sex.

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When you hear the word “sensual” you are most likely going to relate it to something sexual. If someone says to you, “You should try these strawberries. They are the most sensual fruit I have ever tasted,” where does your mind go?

Does it click in on just the fact that those strawberries must have been ripened to perfection? Or does your mind instantly click to a sexy image of biting into the fruit? What if someone offers to take you on a sensual journey? The first thing that probably comes to mind is the sexual scenario implied by such an offer and not the possibility he/she was just inviting you to the local grocery and department store. That could be sensual after all – taste this food, smell that cologne, feel this fabric, hear that song, read those tabloid headlines.

Yet, isn’t doing your regular shopping something you sometimes dread. It has become boring. It feels like a chore. You just want to hurry up and get it over with because you know you need to do it, but really don’t want to. Uh oh, those descriptions might well cover something else in your life. Sex.

Sex can absolutely be animalistic and a "rip your clothes off and jump on your partner" experience, but it can be very slow and sensual too. It should never just be about taking off your clothes, getting under the covers, groping each other a couple of minutes and then bumping and grinding for a few more minutes. So, how can you explore sensuality and bring it back into your sex life? Remember that sensual means that you are gratifying the senses. Satisfying all of your desires such as seeing, touching, smelling, hearing, and tasting is where sensuality really arrives on the scene. And, guess what, satisfying your sixth sense – your intuition or spiritual self, is quite sensual too.

Here are 5 ways to make your intimate play sensual. Bonus: Call it intimate play ;) That changes it up right from the start.

#1 Focus on sensation

Wear clothing that feels good on your skin. Silk is a common suggestion here as it is cool to touch and so smooth. The feel of it brushing against your skin throughout the day can be a turn on. And, when your partner touches you through the silk that can be extremely exciting for both of you. If you don’t want to wear a sensual type of material during the day, then pick up some silk scarves or a feather or something velvety. Then you can use these different items to drag over your lover’s skin later in the evening. Focus on the sensation of the material or item touching you. It may be relaxing, tickly, or it may just have you ready to grab your lover and get busy.

#2 Light up your senses

Bring different flavors and smells into your lovemaking. One interesting way to do this is to get the Sexy Challenge: Lips Like Sugar as it offers you unique insight into trying different tastes with and/or upon your partner. Adding different flavors to your physically intimate life with your beloved can occur in a variety of ways. Food may seem like an obvious thing to bring into your lovemaking and there are many ways to do that, but don’t overlook flavored lubes as well. There are also a vast number of ways to bring in amazing aromas. Scented candles (we always recommend flameless candles for safety), lotions, colognes, lubes, and the different food items are all great ways to enhance your sensuality.

#3 Listen

What about hearing? How can you make that sensual? You could whisper sexy phrases or words of love into your partner’s ear. You could turn on music that you both enjoy and that will get you in the mood.

But what about hearing the sound of your lover’s laughter? Bringing laughter and silliness into your sex life can be an amazing experience. Just let go and be goofy together. Laughter and lightheartedness will bring powerful, playful passion into your life and hopefully, you will come to appreciate the sensuous sound of your lover’s laugh.

#4 Massage

Time for a little naked massage! Yay! This actually satisfies more than one sense. With low lighting you can visually soak up the beauty of your sweetie all oiled up and glistening, but you can enjoy the aromas of scented oils or just the animalistic smell of him/her too. With both of you naked you can take turns rubbing your hands, your feet and your entire body – yep, genitals are great massage tools too – over your lover.

#5 Focus on their pleasure

Last but not least, we highly recommend that you pay attention and be consciously aware not only during foreplay and lovemaking, but at the peak of orgasm, after you are coming down from orgasm and for the next couple of days.

How do you feel? Did you notice anything out of the ordinary – visions, images, an extreme sense of bliss or simply like you entered a void or time was suspended? Sexual orgasmic energy taps you into the creative source (call it whatever you like – the Universe, Spirit, God, the Divine or even I don’t know what it is, but it sure feels goooood). This access to creativity through orgasm is why we want you to pay attention up to a few days later to see if you are more creative, have new ideas, solve problems easier than normal or maybe you just have a bigger smile on your face and feel energized.

Use these five ways to bring more sensuality into your sex life and we believe you will transform your relationship and take your intimacy to a higher level – no matter where it is now.

We're so excited to get a couple writing for GetLusty! They're both adorable, smart and altogether wonderful!

Dr. Janelle Alex, Ph.D. and Rob Alex, M.Sc. are writers, counselors as well as Sacred and Sensual Teachers. They recently completed an eBook on "Sexy Challenges: Sacret and Sensual Experiences for Lovers" which is on sale at Amazon! Learn more about them on Sexy Challenges.

This new year, health is probably an issue coming to your mind soon in the form of resolutions. But how about feeling better and enjoying a better sex life? GetLusty For Couples is totally serious about being healthy, because being healthy can give you a better sex life. This is the second in a series on using yoga for better sex. Our yogini, Lora Swarts, is here to talk about how yoga can be used to improve your sex life.

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Yoga has an abundance of benefits for both your mental and physical well-being. As a yoga student myself, I have seen changes in my own body that, honestly, running never gave me. The endorphins are still there after a yoga class, however what's not there is a feeling of anxiousness. When I would run I would compete with myself. "Run faster" or "run farther" "don't walk, that is for quitters." Running which once was fun, had turned into a very competitive personal sport that I really needed to break up with. When I found yoga, my entire mindset changed.

I have no more competitions with myself. I feel better emotionally, and I have more confidence. Yoga melts away anxiety, poor body image, and fatigue and worry. When you are free from these, then your inhibitions seem to dissolve as well, bringing you closer to better sex and orgasm. When you are connected to your inner self and spirit rather than the clutter in your head, you get closer to the present and worry less about how you are performing or what your body looks like. The sex becomes more freeing and uninhibited.

I always recommend that everyone should give yoga a shot. Soon enough you will start to reap the benefits and your partner will too. In our last post, I recommended 5 yoga poses to help your body and mind get in better shape for sex. Now I am back with 5 more poses! Try doing these with your partner for a little added fun before you head to the bedroom.

#1 Cat/Cow

Cat/cow pose is a simple warm-up that engages your pelvic muscles. When you are doing cat/cow you strengthen your Kegel muscles, the ones that contract during orgasm.

To do cat/cow pose:

Come into a table top position with your shoulders over wrists and your hips directly over your knees. Inhale (cow) drop your belly, lift your chest up away from your belly and extend your tailbone toward the sky. Exhale (cat pose), press into your hands, round your back like a cat, gently contract your abdominal muscles. Repeat these moves six times.

#2 Plank pose

Plank pose helps strengthen core and abdominal muscles.

To do plank pose or as my yoga teacher says, "plankasana":

Stack your shoulders over your wrists. Keep your body flat as a board. Press back through your heels. Hold plank pose for 30 seconds and rest for 15 seconds and repeat for another 30 seconds. The yogi push up, also known as, chaturanga, is also very important in strengthening your arm muscles because they require lots of control. To do a chaturanga, come forward onto your toes, bend your elbows (keeping them close to your ribcage) and lower half way down creating a 90 degree angle with your arms. Hold in this low push up for a few seconds, without letting your body collapse. To rest, come down to your stomach and rest with one ear on your mat. Doing planks and yogi push ups will get your arms toned and ready for any sexy position in your future!

#3 Cobra

Cobra pose, is a heart opener pose. Heart openers connect to our heart chakras. Love, energy, and breath come from the heart chakra and therefore this pose indirectly connects to our sexual intimacy. Its an energizing, mild back bend too. So when you are feeling too tired, try a few cobras to open your heart and awaken your sexual energy!

To do cobra:

You can enter cobra after lowering from plank pose, or just get right into on its own. Lie on your belly with your palms facing down, close to your low ribs. Draw your legs together and press the tops of your feet into the floor. Press your hands down evenly as your draw your elbows close to the sides of your body. On an inhale, using the strength of your back, not the force of your hands, lift your chest off the mat and draw your shoulders away from your ears. Gaze slightly in front of your mat to keep your head, neck and spine aligned. This pose comes from your lower back, so release the tension in your glutes. Hold this pose for about 10 seconds, then gently release to the floor. Do three sets of cobra pose.

#4 Utkata Konasana or Goddess pose

Who doesn't want to feel like a goddess in this victory squat? This pose strengthens your glutes, thighs, quads and abdominal muscles. You will feel strength from your insides, out.

To do goddess pose:

Stand at the top of your mat. Step to the right, opening your legs about three feet apart. Turn your heels in and your toes out. Bend your knees until you are in a wide squat and your thighs are parallel to the ground. Ensure that your knees are directly over your ankles so adjust your stance if you need to. Bring your hands to prayer position. Hold here for 5 focused, deep breaths.

#5 Bound angle pose

Baddha Konasana, or bound angle pose, opens up the thighs and groins while increasing blood flow to your genitals.

To do Baddha Konasana:

Sit with your legs out in front of you. Bend your knees, draw your heels as close to your pelvis as possible and bring the soles of your feet together. Allow your knees to open. Always keep the outer edges of your feet planted on the floor. Grasp your big toes with your thumb, index and middle fingers. Don't force your knees open, rather release the heads of your thigh bones to the floor and your knees will follow. Your pelvis should be in a neutral position and your perineum parallel to the floor. Hold for 1-5 minutes. To release, on an inhale, slowly bring your knees together and straighten your legs out in front of you.

Try these five yoga poses to gain some strength, confidence and better circulation. Do these poses in a row to create a mini yoga sequence that you can do anywhere! Add in some downward facing dogs and child's pose when you need to rest.

Namaste!

Lora is our Editorial intern and resident health nut. When she is not writing or editing, you can find her on her yoga mat, exploring Chicago via bicycle, or hanging out with her wonderful boyfriend and Beagle puppy in their north side apartment. She has a habit of spending too much money on soy lattes and yoga clothes. Find her on Twitter @HoneyNutLo. Have any questions? Email her at Lora@GetLusty.com!

Has your partner asked for more domination in the bedroom? What better holiday gift than one of dominance? Now, if you're not sure whether this is exactly what your partner wants, do ask them – keep a constant and open communication.

With that, we've heard from ladies who want a dominant partner. We've heard from gents who want to be dominant, but they're afraid to hurt their partner. We get that. How lovely and nice of you. You should be proud that you're such a nice guy. No, seriously. But for now – if you've heard your partner ask you to dominate them, Portia Blush, our queen of dominance, has some ideas on how you can do just that.

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Being sexually dominated in the bedroom, although not a new fantasy by any means, is becoming less closeted. It's a more openly encouraged, erotic fantasy among women (think: Fifty Shades). More women are feeling safer about speaking out about their desire to dominated in the bedroom.

Maybe it's the popularity of books like Fifty Shades of Grey that are finally helping us feel comfortable and accepting of our own desires. Or maybe it's the readily accessible nature of sex-positive information on the internet. Whatever it is, we're asking for what we want. And what do we want? Well, it seems a lot of us want our partner to take sexual control of us!

Whether your girlfriend or wife just got finished reading Fifty Shades, or if it's been a long-time fantasy of hers, perhaps she has asked you to take the lead and be dominant in the bedroom. Now what?

Bringing this fantasy into fruition can be somewhat daunting, especially if you have no idea where to start. Here are 5 tips for learning how to be that dominant man your partner is lusting for!

#1 Talk, talk, and more talk

I know, you're probably thinking that talking things out will ruin the fantasy for her, but that is so not the case. You have to find out just what makes the fantasy so erotic for her for it to be effective. Communication is key to lubrication, I like to say! Is it just rougher, more animalistic sexual aggression she wants from you? Does she want to be tied up? Spanked over your knee? To be ordered about like a sex slave? Ask her what she finds erotic about being dominated by you, and you'll have the frame work you need to enjoy a whole new sexual adventure together!

#2 Feeling nervous? Try role play

It can be hard at first to try something new, or doesn't come naturally. You may have some reservations, or some inhibitions of your own, and find it difficult to trust your own instincts.

One of the best ways to help yourself through this is role-playing! Pretending to be someone else can help free you from the tape in your head that says, "I must be this way," and can allow you to let go and try something new. Be the Christian Grey she wants and she can be Anastasia. Be the teacher and she's the student, or maybe the cop, and she's the naughty law breaker! As En Vogue sang, "Free your mind, and the rest will follow."

#3 It's a two-way street

You have fantasies and desires too, as well as needs to be met just as your lovely lady wishing to submit does. Maybe there's something you want her to do for you. Perhaps you have wanted her to give you head in a specific way, or maybe you've thought about what it would be like to bend her over the dining room table and have your way with her from behind. Blending your desires with your lover's, in a harmonious way, will bring a symphony of erotic pleasure and fulfillment for the both of you. Power exchange is a dynamic in which we exchange power by giving our will to another, and that can be a very sexy experience.

#4 Use your imagination

It’s very easy to get caught in the trappings of toys like ropes, paddles, and riding crops, and forget about the mental and emotional aspects of dominance and submission. Flex your mental muscles and use your imagination. Create an aura of dominance using just the way you move, speak (or don’t speak), and act. Look to characters from books and movies that you see as "dominant", or ask your partner who she thinks makes an incredibly sexy dominant male character! Find what inspires those feelings naturally in you, and make the role your own.

#5 Everyone loves toys

OK, so your partner really wants you to spank or paddle her – don't worry about spending a fortune on expensive toys right from the get-go. You don't need high-priced toys to have a good time. For spankings, everyone likes a god ole' fashioned, over-the-knee, bare-hand spanking. If you want to play around with different sensations, try the back side of a hairbrush, or a spatula! For more on spanking, check out Spanking 101.

No need to buy fancy restraints if you want to play with bondage! You can buy basic rope at your local hardware store or home improvement store, or try using silky scarves, too! You an also buy "bondage tape" for low-cost, which is a PVC tape that adheres to itself. It's cheap, easy to remove, and disposable too! Look around the home for potential tools – neck ties, scarves, and belts. Really, your imagination is the best toy you have, so play around and experiment! Most of all, have fun!

This is all a very basic starting point to begin your journey with. The best resource you have to discover your erotic map in playing with dominance and submission is each other. Find out what you both like, and what you'd like to try, and have fun discovering together. The possibilities are endless!

For questions on sexual dominance or submission, feel free to contact Portia via her blog! Also, e-mail reply@getlusty.com.

Seeking to shatter the myth that "nice girls don't talk about sex", and somehow trying to survive her mid-30's in suburbia without large doses of vodka, Portia Blush is a saucy Sapiosexual who shares with an infectious wit and a candid vulnerability about her explorations of sex, love, intimacy, kink, the occasional obsession, and everything in between; one true story at a time.

She has over 10 years experience playing Switchy in the BD/SM scene, and has explored a myriad of relationship configurations from monogamous to poly. She holds a BFA from some hoity-toity NYC art school, and still ponders the meaning of life on a regular basis. Follow her on Twitter @erogenousblog and Facebook and of course, ErogenoUS her blog.

Erotic orgasm denial is supremely hot. Though we've just been introduced to this idea, it already sounds fabulous. And it's the weekend, what better time to try new things sexually? On top of that, we just love articles by Portia Blush. Without adieu, Portia Blush, our master of female domination, is here to talk about erotic orgasm denial.

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You've heard that old adage, "Tis' better to give than to receive", right? Orgasm has long been the goalpost that most of us look forward to reaching during our sexual escapades, so much so that sometimes we lose sight of enjoying ourselves in the pleasure of the moment. When sex is goal-oriented and we become fixated in whether or not we're going to climax, it can actually lessen our pleasure, rather than heighten it. This anxiety over whether or not one is going to climax or not, or how long it's taking to reach that point, can actually inhibit the very thing we crave. But what if we took the goal away? What if suddenly there was no finish line?

What is erotic denial?

Erotic orgasm denial, or sometimes called "tease and denial" play, takes away the goal of orgasm, and helps your partner not only focus on the pleasure they are giving, but also heightens the pleasure they are receiving.

Orgasm Denial is the practice of withholding and/or denying orgasm during sexual activity in order to maintain a heightened state of arousal for an extended time. Within a D/s (dominant/submissive) bond in a BD/SM relationship, it is also used as a method of, or reinforcement of, control. For it to be most effective, a degree of familiarity with your partner is paramount; knowing the subtle (and not so subtle) cues of their stages of arousal will be needed for you to learn where their orgasmic edge lies. Intimate knowledge of your partner's sexual response will help you to know how, where, and when to vary the intensity and timing of the stimulation accurately. The amount of time orgasm is withheld varies upon many factors, just as the reasons for doing so, and can range from hours, to days, or even months! Although the word "denial" may sound controlling, please know that this type of play is consensual, and not forced. Both partners are willing and hopefully eager, participants.

The numerous degrees of orgasm denial

Orgasm Denial can include several different degrees of play. "Edging", or "tease and denial", is when you stimulate your partner almost to the point of orgasm, but then reduce or stop the stimulation just prior to climax, only to then work up to that point again, and repeat the process. This style can be done in short or long-term scenarios, as decided by between lovers. Enforced Chastity is another form of orgasm denial in which orgasm is not only controlled and denied, but other sexual stimulation as well. It can also include masturbation, in addition to partner sexual exchange. This can be done through just verbal command and acceptance, or through more extreme measures by using chastity enforcement devices.

The joys of Orgasm Denial can be experienced within the context of a D/s relationship in BD/SM play, or it can be shared between two partners who just want to enjoy experimenting with new forms of erotic sexual play. No matter what your relationship style the benefits are the same; sustained, intensified pleasure. Also, orgasm control can be shared between couples of varying gender configurations. Please know that I am writing this article from the viewpoint of a woman with primarily male lovers, so I am referring mostly here to male orgasm denial, though the characteristics of female orgasm denial are extensively similar.

Top 5 Reasons to Try Orgasm Denial

#1 Heightened Sensations

While one might think of denying orgasm as incredibly limiting to pleasure, it's actually the opposite. By withholding orgasm you force your partner to remain in a place of sustained arousal, and that arousal continues to build upon itself, instead of decreasing through the release of orgasm. When you don't allow your partner to fall over that climactic edge, the erotic energy magnifies, making even the subtlest of stimulation that much more intense than before. Your partner will experience your touch at a whole new level. Suddenly the person being denied the orgasm will rediscover kisses, touches, and other pleasures that had become routine.

#2 The Big "O" Just Got Bigger

When you deny your partner an orgasm by continually bringing them to the precipice of their edge, but never allowing them to fall over, you increase their ability to sustain that state of arousal for longer and longer periods of time. This allows the person being denied the orgasm to experience that heightened pleasure for longer periods of time, but also now is able to focus intently on the pleasure in the moment, without the pressure of progressing towards climax. After remaining in this tide of the ebb and flow of this state of intensified arousal, when they are allowed to come, the orgasmic pleasures experienced will be intensified above and beyond those felt during a typical sexual experience. Some people say that even their most pleasurable peaks were no comparison to those reached after being denied orgasm for periods of time.

#3 Increased Sexual Frequency

Heightened sensations mean heightened enjoyment, and the longer you remain in that heightened state of arousal, the more often you want to be experiencing sexual sensations. The person is stimulated that much easier, as they are almost in a constant state of arousal because they have yet to complete the arousal cycle through orgasmic release. It can become almost a constant state of desire. And what does this mean for you? More sex! They will want to have sex more often, and you get the reap the benefits!

#4 Rediscovery of Your Partner

Ladies, restricting his orgasms, and exercising control over whether or not he has one, and when , will have him focussed on pleasing you! When his orgasm is restricted, your lover will become more tuned in to you, and will learn how to put your pleasures before their own. It will help him relearn the exquisite pleasure of a lingering deep kiss, or a soft caress, as they no longer are markers along the way to orgasm, but now the main course to savor. Orgasm Denial teaches your partner how to derive pleasure from pleasing his partner; you!

#5 The Joy of Surrender

Power Exchange can be incredibly erotic in itself, so what better way to enhance your intimacy then by surrendering the control of your most intimate, personal acts; orgasms. It can be highly arousing to give yourself over to another this way, and allow yourself to experience how freeing giving up control can be. When we are expected to be in charge of so much in life, surrendering the responsibility to your lover to take care of you can be not only a relief, but intoxicatingly powerful.

It's always exciting to try new experiences together, especially in the bedroom. Orgasm Denial may be that next new thing on your horizon to bring you closer together! While I understand it may not be everyone's erotic cup of tea, I encourage you to have an open mind, and consider that Orgasm Denial play may have something to offer you and your lover. As always, play safe, and most of all, have fun my fellow sexplorers!

Sex in the shower is sort of like pizza in bed. A great idea that inevitably leads to disaster. Issues like space, how to position one's body, how to avoid broken appendages. It becomes too much to bear and the idea gets abandoned. But there has to be a way to have your pizza and eat it too and our researchers are working around the clock to find a way. In a series with long time friends and sex advisors Eli and Josie, they talk about how to maximize the pleasures of shower sex as well as instructions on what positions best fit what ever type of shower you may have.

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Dear Sexes: Is there a trick I’m missing with shower sex? I mean, it’s WAY hot, but it seems like my only options are (1) in a corner getting leg cramps, or (2) on my knees, which hurts like hell on my knee caps with the tough plastic that the shower is made of. Is this a “try it 'til you figure it out” thing, or a mythical movie type of sex?

She Said: Shower sex doesn’t always create the best scenario for optimum sexual pleasure. But you’re right that it’s hot: the water, the soap, the wet hair, the slippery skin—not to mention the naughty factor that goes along with sex anywhere other than a bed.

However, there are ways to maximize the shower-sex pleasure. One key tool for great shower sex is a set of extra-cushy washcloths. For doggie-style, fold each washcloth in half and put them under your knees. If someone’s sitting on the floor of the shower, a washcloth under the bum can help a lot, too. The washcloths are also crucial for the knees of whomever is the giver of oral sex in the shower. A fun way to have sex in the shower, if you have the room, is to lie down on your back and put your partner on top. Then she can arch her back into the spray of water and you both have easy clitoral access.

Sometimes shower sex is best left short and sweet by making it a quickie or by starting the interlude in the shower, to be continued elsewhere. Try to draw out the foreplay as long as possible (but keep in mind, we’re in a water drought!) by soaping each other up, sliding slippery fingers across each other’s bodies, using the hand-held shower head on each other’s favorite spots, and giving oral sex. Then, just as you’re feeling like you’re about to die if you don’t complete the act, wrap up in towels (don’t worry about drying all the way off, stay wet!) and move to the bed. You’ll be clawing at each other from all the lead-up and you can utilize all the best in-bed positions.

He Said: Agreed! Shower sex is hot! It’s always fun to clean up and get dirty at the same time. Of course, the amount of positions you can try out is somewhat dependent on the type of shower you have. If you have a small, stand-up shower (no bath), your space is probably limited. However, you can actually use the lack of space to your benefit. Position yourself or your mate against the shower walls for extra good pushing/friction. The tiny confines also make for a good opportunity to get a leg high up in the air (resting against a wall, while your hands, or your mate, keep you upright, steadying against an opposite wall).

If you have a full shower (with bath), you really have no excuse NOT to explore all possibilities. You’ve got the room, so you’re as free as your imagination allows. And if you have sensitive knee caps, don’t be afraid to squat it out. Also, don’t forget to use plenty of lube as need be. The water actually detracts from the body’s natural lubrication. And please, no falling! We don’t want any slips causing death by shower sex.

If you want a good laugh, read what people have to say about shower sex over on Yahoo! Aren’t you glad you asked us instead?

Reprinted with permission from from The Good Men Project. Cross post from She Said He Said.

Josie is a writer living in Los Angeles. Though she has a tight circle of female friends, she's always bee a guy's gal. This advice column came about because her best girls kept begging her to ask her guy friends for sex and dating advice on their behalf. She realized that the advice they offered was honest and direct-and completely different than the advice women offered each other.

Eli is an indie-rock musician living in New York City. He loves his football and hockey as much as the next red-blooded male. But when it comes to relationships and love, he's really a true romantic. His friends (female and male) are always asking him for his dating/relationship advice due to his genuine caring, perceptiveness, and honesty. He always calls it like sees it, and usually sees it very well.

Faking an orgasm. Is it ever OK, beneficial and positive? On an editorial note, I'm biased. I believe you should never fake an orgasm. But rather than explain in my own opinion, we'll let Bethany Kibblesmith explain the pro's and con's of faking an orgasm.

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If you’ve ever picked up a “woman’s magazine”, talked sex with a close friend, or seen an episode of “Sex and the City” or "When Harry Met Sally", faking orgasms has likely come up. Magazines often poll their readers often about this, and overwhelmingly readers respond yes. Yes, they’ve faked an orgasm before. In fact, check out the classic scene below detailing Meg Ryan's take on faking orgasms. Meg notes it's the partner who either confirms or denies the fake orgasm.

Rather than talking about a partner's view, we're talking about the person who's faking the orgasm. Now, I have a really strong bias on this issue. I won’t hide how my opinion lies on this one, but I want to fairly present the pros and cons of faking your climax, because this is a complicated issue. There are two sides to the question of faking it, and both should be equally explored.

For the most part, people fall on the side against faking it, but there are pros to stretching your sexual truth. Fake orgasms can do wonders psychologically. You can psyche yourself into an O by pretending you’re actually having one. It can also act as positive feedback for your partner, who can often feel inadequate or unattractive if you have reoccurring difficulty climaxing.

Pro's

Likely, sex does feel good, and by vocalizing in response to the pleasurable stimuli. You’re telling your partner that sex is feeling awesome, and that you value his or her efforts.

It says you are truly enjoying your shared sexual activities, even if the big O is less than genuine. Just because the ending was fake doesn’t make the moans, bites or other sexy responses you have during foreplay and intercourse any less genuine. The orgasm is undeniably part of sex, but that doesn’t lessen the delicious other parts of sex. A fake orgasm can also signal a more natural seeming ending to your sex-having.

Faking your orgasm may also seem like the nicer thing to do. Maybe your sex is hampered by a chaotic, stressful aspect of your life, unrelated to your partner’s actions and your reception of them. Maybe faking it until life calms down and climax comes naturally seems like the best way to get through a rough patch in an otherwise smoking hot sex life. It’s also possible you’re just not feeling especially sexual lately, and while sex feels good, climax isn’t in the cards. It’s no one’s fault, and we’ve all likely been there before.

Con's

This is where the downsides come in. By faking your climax, you aren’t facing or alleviating your difficulties in reaching orgasm. By giving your partner false feedback, you’re putting all kinds of roadblocks in your way. Choosing to fake it is like choosing to give your partner sexual silent treatment. It’s keeping a very important piece of information from the only other person involved in the problem you’re having.

Without communicating the difficulties you’re having, you’re depriving your partner of the opportunity to help you. It also robs you of the chance to learn more about each other sexually, what you like and what feels good to do together. Maybe clitoral stimulation, longer foreplay, a different position or series of position would give you the boost you need to reach orgasm. Your partner can’t read your mind, and faking your orgasm will never improve whatever is preventing you from climaxing.

The other half of my bias against faking it is this: dishonesty is dishonesty, no matter how or why you’re being dishonest.

For me, a fake orgasm is like lying to your partner. It’s hard to say something that will disappoint or hurt your partner, but imagine if you continued having climaxing trouble and come clean after weeks or months. I think you can imagine that’s likely a shitty feeling. If you aren’t communicating your feelings, nothing will get better.

We're very excited to have Bethany Kibblesmith as GetLusty's newest writer. She's passionate about keeping it sexy inside and outside the bedroom in her own relationship and in yours.

Bethany is twenty-two and an English major. When she isn't scrambling to finish homework, she's with her boyfriend, reading, doing yoga or cooking. She enjoys the finer things in life like, secondhand clothes, warm showers, and socks without holes. She writes plays when she isn't writing for school or GetLusty. And if you meet her she will, without question, make a sex joke at some point. Email her at Bethany@GetLusty.com if you have any questions!

We think about BDSM a lot. Analyzing the psychology of BDSM. Alternatively, bringing BDSM into bed. Why submissive skills are underrated and even the BDSM contract. But today we've got some special advice from our favorite, 'Queen of Kink', Portia Blush. Portia is back for a special episode on bondage. We like to mix things up in bed, so what better way of trying something new? How about bondage? Have you tried the art of bondage before? If not, Portia Blush is back to talk about bondage basics. Go ahead--get your kink on!

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Tis the season for giving and receiving! What better way to celebrate the spirit of the season, than by learning something new that both you and your lover can enjoy together! Dominance and submission is all about giving and receiving at the core of it's sensual and sexual exploration, and bondage is one of the most popular expressions of the gift of this power exchange. Here are 5 tips for the beginning bondage enthusiast to get you started, and inspire you for hours of play to come!

#1 Safety first

Safety is paramount in any kind of bondage play. Tying someone up, or using restraints on someone, involves a fair amount of risk. Don't do anything that is above your skill level. You need to understand the safety precautions you must take, as well as the signs to check for in case your submissive needs help. If you're using rope, make sure not to tie them too tight so as to cause lack of circulation. Make sure you check in regularly with your submissive to make sure they are not losing circulation; verbally, as well as by feeling hands and feet when wrists and ankles are restrained. If you're going to be using locking restraints such as locking cuffs or handcuffs, make sure you have the correct keys nearby and at the ready.

If you're doing rope bondage, make sure you have a pair of safety scissors on hand in case you need to cut your partner out in a hurry. You as the Dominant are in charge of the care and well-being of your partner's care. And, most importantly, never under any circumstances engage in any bondage play when you are under the influence f alcohol or drugs. A glass of wine in your system is fine, a bottle is not. You need to have a clear head, and be alert at all times. In addition, never leave your partner unattended for more than 30 seconds when they are restrained. Taking a bathroom break is ok, anything longer is not. Their safety is in your hands: respect it.

#2 Know thy tools

Knowledge is the most important tool in your tool box. Before you whip out the ropes and tie your lover to the bedpost, know what you're doing. First of all, it will give you confidence, and when you're the Dominant in the situation, confidence is a major factor in being effective in a scene. It's much sexier to be tied up by a person who knows what they're doing, than by someone is is very evidently fumbling. So, if you are into rope, learn how to tie knots safely and effectively.

While as a beginner you will be fine with the standard "I can tie my shoes" knot, there are knots you can learn for quick release, as well as ways of tying rope so that the knots won't slip and inadvertently tighten, causing a lack of circulation. Same goes for any restraint done with fabric too, like scarves or neckties. If you're into to using handcuffs, know how they work, and how to apply them safely, as well as how to remove them. Leashes, collars, cuffs, rope, and spreader bars are just the beginning! Explore, read, learn, and enjoy!

#3 Be creative!

You don't need to go out and buy a bunch of uber expensive scene gear to have a good time! Hardware stores and home improvement stores are your friends! You can find all sorts of fun things to do bondage play on the cheap, and yet, just as effectively as all the pricey scene sites. Want cotton rope? Metal d-ring clamps? Wooden dowels? Pallet wrap? Home Depot is your new best friend! Wooden dowels with an eye screw screwed into each end make great spreader bars! Pallet wrap is a fun item to use to wrap your partner to something, without needing to know how to tie knots! Or, think of what you have handy at home that you can use! Silk neckties, scarves, leather belts, are all readily available and affordable! Don't have a four poster bed, or even a bed with a frame? How about using a dining room chair! Use your imagination, and have fun!

#4 All tied up with no place to go, now what?

So you have your partner restrained. Now what? Have a purpose and a plan. Even if it's a loose one about what you envision for them while they are your captive. Do you want to be the cruel captor who plans to punish and use their new found captive for their own gratification, or are you the temptress; seducing and teasing their body with every sensual tool at your disposal? The fantasy you play out will largely depend upon what you have both negotiated as what want out of the scene. Bondage is about helplessness at it's core.

You can emphasize that in any way you choose. Play with their senses. Always keep them guessing. Once they're tied up, move methodically, keep changing directions. Add a blindfold into the mix to further instill that feeling of helplessness, and also to heighten their other senses. Touch: use your hands, your fingertips, your fingernails, ice cubes, feathers, warm massage oil, or whatever else you can think of to entice and enliven the skin's senses craving for more! Play music to help set the mood, or to mask the sound of your movements as you walk on the floor around them. Don't forget the seduction of their sense of taste. Food is incredibly sensual! Have an array of bite-sized pieces of fruit, chocolates, and syrups at the ready. Explore your partner's body like the gift it is.

#5 Communication is key

Lastly, it is just as much the Dominant's responsibility to communicate as it is the submissive's. The better you communicate before and during a scene, the better the experience will be for both of you. If you don't want to be tied with your hands behind you back, let your partner know beforehand. If something is uncomfortable, or you are losing circulation, don't be worried about breaking the mood to say so.

There is nothing sexy about losing the feeling in your limbs. I guarantee you that your partner wants you to enjoy yourself, just as much as you want your partner to enjoy tying you up! Also, if your partner's body has limits to it's flexibility or movements, make sure you take those into consideration when you devise your bondage scene. While bondage is about the helplessness of restraint, and the inherent discomfort that goes along with that, discomfort that hinders or hurts someones enjoyment of the full experience, or their physical safety, is never sexy.

Have fun, play safe, and play smart! For more information on bondage, or D/s, feel free to contact Portia Blush below!

What!? There are guys who don't want to have sex all the time, everywhere? How is this even possible? Well, it does happen and the little blue pill isn't always the solution. Believe it or not, men are not always in the mood. Sex educator Ken Melvoin-Berg explores this phenomenon in depth and helps turn this unfortunate situation into an opportunity for exploration and fun.

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This is a touchy subject, but I don’t feel like having sex all the time anymore.

Surprise! I’m getting older. Soon I will be 44 years of age. I am into alternate sexual practices; I’m in an open relationship, BDSM, and have multiple sexual partners. I should always be in the mood, right? Wrong!

My sexual appetites, extreme as they may be, don’t run the marathons they used to when I was 18. However my primary partner, Sunny, has not only peaked, she is climbing Mount Everest. This article is written from the perspective of an ethically non-monogamous man who digs chicks. Although I identify as the gender I was born as, don’t ever make the mistake of calling me a cismale, it’s an insult to me (I’m working on a future article explaining why I don’t like that term). No matter the gender or sex of your partner, you may find things you can relate to in this post.

On the physical side of things, erectile dysfunction, hypertension, diabetes, medications, and a host of other medical conditions can be a mood and boner killer for those of us with dicks. This article deals primarily with the psychological reasons men don’t want sex. If you suspect a medical issue, go see your doctor.

So what’s a dirty old man to do when the mood isn’t arriving as easily as it has in the past? The first thing to do is fucking relax. You are not the first man on earth to not feel like doing it all the time.

Identify the Root Problem

Not being in the mood is nobody’s fault. It does not mean I don’t find my partners super sexy and irresistible as hell. Sometimes I’m stressed. Sometimes I have an aging body with a decline in sexual desire. Sometimes it’s Thursday and I don’t feel like fucking.

First and foremost, getting your libido in sync with your partner’s is a psychological thing. Weight gain, self esteem issues, financial pressure, and lack of communication are the most common sources of tension in any couple. Knowing this is half the battle.

For example, if you are living from paycheck to paycheck, and are stressed about it, a good partner may want to have sex with you to relieve the tension. But in a lot of cases, especially with men that are primary providers, this may be the last thing they want to do!

Identifying the principal source of psychological discomfort can be hard, humiliating, and cause more tension in the short term. Digging deep and discovering the true issue is very comforting and can lead to a better, more communicative relationship.

Communicate How You Feel About the Situation

Talking can help. Actually sit down and look for a way to best communicate why you feel the way you do. Sometimes we can figure this out in counseling, other times it may be as simple as discussing the problem with your partner to uncover what is at the base of the issue. This isn’t always easy but it is always helpful. Men, in particular, have a hard time communicating about emotions and accepting blame for emotional discomfort. Acting masculine doesn’t mean you have to be a dick.

Take the communication a step further and bring it into the bedroom. If you’re trying to solve an issue about sexytime, bring it to the place where sexytime happens. For example, if you’d like your partner to add a few new moves to their blowjob repertoire, tell them! If you’ve been wishing they’d throw in more hand motions, a tickle of the balls, or to move a little to the left, let them know. You might find asking specifically for what you want and working together to achieve it works wonders.

Think about what fantasies get you in the mood

Men have fantasies that when acted upon can easily rev up the libido. We can’t always have what we want; however, asking your partner to act out some of the elements of a fantasy is a great way to satisfy your desires! This doesn’t have to be asking your partner to swing from the chandelier or host a wild orgy. Acting on a fantasy can be something as simple as asking for and receiving unreciprocated oral sex. For some, anal sex might be taboo enough to give you wood hard enough to cut diamonds. Yet others may want to incorporate elements of BDSM like choking, spanking or hair pulling. I personally like getting stuck in a Pornado (sitting at my computer watching my favorite porn) and simultaneously having Sunny give me head while she’s wearing a wig. Let your imagination run wild!

Sometimes I’m not in the fucking mood, literally. It’s OK to not be in the mood. For the love you all hold dear, tell your partner why you aren’t in the mood! They might think the reason has something to do with them– they’re not attractive, you don’t love them, they have gained too much weight or a million other things. Reassure your partner, a little communication can go a long way. The self-help book, "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" by John Grey, can be a bit of pop psychology bullshit, but it does have some universal truths in it. Men that love men often have an easier time in communication with their partners than heteros (at least in some basic ways), because most men communicate in roughly the same way.

I am hetero, and I am writing from a hetero point of view. For me, women are amazing, beautiful, fragile, yet strong creatures that need communication on a level I can’t begin to comprehend. Understanding women is like nailing Jell-O to a tree. I will never try and understand women but, by Odin’s balls, I try to communicate with them!

Not being in the mood can be a great opportunity to get what we desire sexually at a later time too. Don’t let re-scheduling freak you out. Setting a solid date/time later can help the problem resolve itself. There is nothing wrong with scheduling time for sex. Don’t force yourself to be sexy at a time you’re not feeling it!

The little blue pill isn’t the only answer!

Some think as we age, medicine is the only thing that can help us get or keep wood. The little blue pill doesn’t help with desire; it only helps with erectile dysfunction. Swingers are almost always on the forefront of medical techniques that help older folks with these issues. This section is very subjective to what works for you as an individual. Take all of this with a grain of salt and check with your doctor before trying anything as extreme as injecting your cock with go-go juice. I also need to add, “Buyer Beware!”

There’s a lot of quackery and snake oil out there. Many will use whatever current herbal supplement is in vogue at the moment. However, the US government cracks down on anything that could be potential competition to Viagra, Levitra, Cialis, and Avanafil. Herbal supplements are great when you find one that works for you.

Often times, as soon as you do find one that works, the government takes it off the shelf because it threatens the livelihood of big pharms. Most of the best supplements have a combination of capsicum (chili peppers), ginger, yohimbe, and cinnamon. Look for these when starting to look for an herbal supplement. Intracavernosal injections are the latest trend. According to the American Urologic Association, taking an intracavernosal injection (a medical injection right to the cock) is the single most effective treatment for erectile dysfunction. Alprostodil and Phentolamine are the most common medicines that men are shooting into their own meat mushroom. Some doctors are also prescribing multiple compounds together in what is called Bi-mix and Tri-mix.

Cockrings are like external Viagra. Restricting blood flow of the penis by sticking your cock and balls in a leather, silicone, stone, or metal cock ring can make you harder, thicker, and more robust. But they aren’t for everyone. My personal favorite is Stockroom’s Stainless Steel Teardrop Cock Ring. It gives me a raging boner harder than Chinese Algebra, and is designed to simultaneously give an external prostate massage. Plus, the weight of the metal feels great!

Topical lotions at this point in time are snake oil. They don’t work and they can make your cock numb and useless. There are some new topical lotions in the works that are similar to the intracavernosal injection meds, but they aren’t on the market yet.

For women, there currently isn’t any equivalent of a little blue pill. Pfizer tried desperately to come up with something as women are much more likely to use meds than men are. The fact of the matter is, women are primarily going to succumb to mental and physical efforts such as counseling, education, muscle relaxation, and self exploration (masturbation).

When it comes to getting in the mood, remember to relax, identify the problem, communicate, and live out some fantasies. Bring your communication to the bedroom. It’s OK to re-schedule sex for a later time if you’re not in the mood. Please go to your doctor if you have either a mental or physical issue that should be treated with conventional medicine, and use meds only if you have to!

Cross posted with permission from Sunny Megatron's blog.

Ken Melvoin-Berg owns Weird Chicago Tours and the Midwest’s premier S&M Dungeon, The Studio. As a Lecturer and Sexstorian, he is the creator of On The Edge (a lecture/film series on BDSM). In addition to authoring 14 books on various subjects, Ken edits and writes numerous articles on sexuality. He travels around the world teaching kink awareness to various private groups and continually develops new kink-friendly/sex positive classes. Ken is responsible for the infamous Northwestern University Fucksaw controversy while teaching his class, Networking for Kinky People. Sunny Megatron is his partner in crime and perverted adventures.

We've written lots of articles on orgasms. We even dedicated October to Orgasms. about how to give intense orgasms. So what can be better than orgasming? Making those orgasms over the top. If you are already having great orgasms, here are a few steps you can take to make them even better. GetLusty staff writer, Milan Weasley reports.

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This article is very important for all the ladies out there. Have you ever been in a place where your orgasms aren't amazing? Try these ideas on for size! Without ado, 5 ways to orgasm more intensely.

#1 Kegels

Work out your kegel muscles. The stronger these muscles are, the more sensitive you will be vaginally, during intercourse. They increase circulation in your genital area. Your kegel muscles or pubococcygeus muscles (PC) include your clitoris, G-spot, and even some areas of your thighs. You can locate these muscles by squeezing to stop the flow of urination.

Empty your bladder and start to squeeze and hold these muscles. Squeezing in short pulses and longer intervals will strengthen the muscles. Remember don't preform these exercises while urinating. Repeatedly stoping the flow can cause reflux, and send urine back up your urethra. I recommend doing these exercises every time you finish using the bathroom. With discipline you can strengthen these muscles so much you may be able to orgasm by flexing them.

#2 Breathe

We love Kegels so much, we wrote an entire article on how to do Kegels, and also Kegel toys. Breathing brings more oxygen into your bloodstream. Consciously, controlling your breathing will immediately enhance your sexual experiences. Controlling your breathing soothes tension and brings more life and energy to your cells.

Panting promotes arousal and sexual excitability. Pant from your stomach, not your throat. Sometimes, this just happens involuntarily -- but make it a point to focus on your breathe. Breathing in through your mouth and out through your nose slows the build of erotic sensation. Curl your tongue or press it against the roof of your mouth. Breathe in and hold your breath. Exhale through your nose. It's also a cooling breath.

#3 Anticipate

Orgasms aren't all about the finish line. The journey is just as important. The more anticipation that is built up on the road to orgasm, the bigger the release. It slows and stretches things out. Either way you work this, both parties will have the chance to build anticipation. Tension orgasms are shorter and less intense. It involves holding your breath and squeezing/tensing your muscles. When you relax and make the road to orgasm last longer, the end will be a more intense, bigger, and longer release.

This anticipation doesn't begin and end in the bedroom. Send each other erotic pictures. Describe what you want in text messages. Set up a surprise homemade dinner or bubble bath to soak in. You can build anticipation during sex. Get to the brink of orgasm and switch positions. The tension will build up and it has to be released. That orgasmic release will get bigger the more you delay it.

#4 Explore

There are areas on a woman's body that are also sensitive before and during sex. In the lips, tongue, neck, and shoulders there are millions of nerve endings. They are very sensitive to touching and kissing. There are erogenous zones all over a woman's body. Trying new positions will up the pleasure. And even new locations. Having sex in 'dangerous' places or in thrill-seeking ways will release dopamine-which is also released during orgasm. So adding more increases the intensity. Even in a different room in your living space!

Let your partner whisper in your ears. The ears are a link straight to one of the body's most sensitive areas during stimulation, the brain. Gently blowing on the ears will send shivers down your spine. The neck is just as sensitive. Light kisses and bites will be just as exciting.

Your scalp is sensitive as well. Each strand of hair is attached to it by a nerve ending. Meaning there are thousands of opportunities to deliver more stimulation.

And during orgasm, let your partner gently pull your hair. Pulling your hair surprisingly releases endorphins, which will increase your orgasm.

#5 Relax

Your mind is the first thing to relax. Don't focus on delivering mind blowing orgasms. The pressure can be overwhelming. Especially if you aren't successful. Performance anxiety can exist in the bedroom and can lead to all types of problems. Relaxation is the solution to stress. The focus should be on your connection with your partner. Focus on the passion of your love and your attraction. Relaxation will make both of your bodies better able to orgasm.

You can have all the tricks in the world, but if your thoughts are elsewhere and you aren't relaxed, you won't be able to orgasm. Communication during sex can help with relaxing also. If you don't trust your partner, or vice versa, you won't be completely open. Keep the lines of communication open. Giving your body to your partner, includes giving your mind and trust just as much. Focus on the moment and not on other activities. We even have tips on staying in the moment sexually!

This is another wonderful post by GetLusty staff writer and lover of amazing orgasms, Milan Weasley. She's pretty amazing. In fact, Milan is one of GetLusty for Couples' first lesbian writers. (Ah! Dykes and dildos!) She spends her days procrastinating grad school and her nights procrastinating everything else. She enjoys writing, gogo dancing, sewing, pole dancing, and defending the Oxford comma.

Questions, comments or article ideas? Get in touch with Milan at milan@getlusty.com or on her Tumblr.

Male masturbation. It's been around since the beginning of time. Around 61% of men say they masturbate (what are those other 39% doing, seriously?!). So for the majority of men, do you have techniques that work for you? How about doing it better? GetLusty writer Ryan McCarthy reports on his favorite techniques, and several new ones to make your masturbation the best--ever.

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At this point, it doesn't even matter anymore. Men masturbate, end of story. Either way, masturbation feels very nice the majority of the time. There are a few things that can be explored to make it more exciting. There are so many benefits of male masturbation. So how about doing it better? Below are some recommendations I've used to make my masturbation sessions mind blowing.

#1 Use the Right Lube

Lubricant. It's not just for your car! If you're circumsized, you've likely already taken advantage of this lovely sexual aid. If you're uncircumsized, take heed! Since we have already agreed that we like to masturbate frequently, use this as a good excuse to try out new lubes and find the one that feels best for you. There are a few things to take into consideration, such as skin allergies. Water based lubes will eventually evaporate and dry out, but a few drops more along the way will reaccelerate your hands. As the name states, these are easy to wash off, so don't use these in the shower. Silicone based lubes do not contain any water and do last longer because of that fact. In the end, lube is driven by personal preference as there are many manufacturers of each type and all differ slightly. You can also try warming lubes, organic lubes, or even Vaseline (good in the shower).

#2 Switch up the setting

I don't really know how other gents set the scene for the big date with themselves, but I have a general idea. It probably involves sitting in front of a TV or computer, lube close by, Kleenex or towel even closer by and porn (feminist porn?) in the background. What about the memories of particular encounters? Doctor or lesbian fantasies? Do they ever play out in your mind? Surely they must as we are all passionate and can be stimulated by erotic memory from time to time. Try eyes closed, lying on your back in bed and think about something hot you have been a part of or would love to be a part of. What about your partner drives you really crazy? Channel those visuals and ride the wave!

#3 "The Stranger"

An oldie' but a goodie. You may be familiar with the movement, but not the term. Try using your opposite hand and flip it around 180 degrees. It kinda-sorta-just-barely-enough feels as though someone else is stroking for you.

Plus, it is a different sensation simply due to the fact that your hand is hitting different spots on your penis. Give your opposite hand a stripper name and have some fun with it! Just don't forget to occasionally tell your partner about your fantasies.

#4 Scrotum massage

With your free hand, lightly (or more deeply) massage your scrotum. As you begin to become aroused, even a light touch on the scrotum can be highly arousing. Alternatively, and to accompany the massage of your balls, also use fabrics to aid in the massage. What's been coined as the, "fabric effect." If you have any fabrics (think: silk scarves or even restraints) that may come in to play during "actual" sex, use those as an added toy. Let the material play around on your balls, legs and the base of your penis. You will enjoy it.

#5 Film yourself

It doesn't necessarily have to be shared with anyone and you may not even watch it, but, the mere thought of someone somewhere getting off on you getting off is pretty hot. If you were to share or post this video on Xtube or something similar, there is a real possibility of getting some views and fun comments too. I would like to think girls like to watch guys masturbate, though the majority of views may be from men. This is a turn on for some, not so much with others, but is still a new way to introduce another tool for arousal and to achieve a monster climax. Surely you have a webcam?

#6 Take a break for a few days

As good as it feels to release, letting it build up can give intense male orgasms. The only downside? It may be a shorter session from start to finish. But look at the bright side, it can easily be followed by another, and another and then 'real' sex. Make sure you don't go overboard with the self-love that when the real thing comes along your energy and drive are sapped. While there has been much debate on masturbation addictions, there is an upper limit. Always keep something in reserve.

#7 Carefully hold your breath at climax

As you feel that inevitable rush of sensation approaching, when you just can not hold out any longer and the time to come has arrived, take a deep breath. Hold your breath as you hold back the orgasm as long as you can. Release the breath a very few short seconds after you pop and believe me you will thank me in the morning. Be very careful with breath control as it can cause light headedness as well as so called "head rushes." Annie Sprinkle talked extensively on breathing and sex. Use your brain wisely, don't cut off the oxygen completely.

The alternative here is alternate your breathing. In Tantric sex, couples (and individuals) use breathing to achieve oneness and for a variety of other benefits. Not sure about tantric breathing? Check out this breathing technique: Inhale deeply into your abdomen, focusing on a point 2 inches below the navel and as you exhale focus on the crown at the top of your head. You can intensify the exercise by exhaling with a loud guttural sigh.

Another tantric breathing technique: Rhythmic breathing. Here, placing your hand over your navel, inhaling slowly and fully to the count of 4 and exhaling at the same rhythm. It sounds easier than it actually is. What most people will notice is that their breath stops short of their diaphragm. Just relax and don’t force your breath into your abdomen. As you grow more accustomed to breathing in this way, you will begin to open up channels, allowing the energy to reach your lower belly.

#7.5 Find a Partner and Ask for an Extra Hand or Two

A helping hand is a great assistance, indeed.

Men will never stop masturbating. Never, ever. Not when we get married, not when we get old and not even if our arms are amputated. Keep it healthy, keep yourself hygienically clean and always have a tissue near by. The stroke must go on.

Speaking of male orgasm, have you 'Liked' GetLusty on Facebook yet? We're giving away a Tiani 2 to a lucky 'Liker' by December 1st. We're also on Pinterest and Tumblr, as well as Twitter @getlusty. What?! You're on those platforms and aren't in tune with our awesome content? Have amazing sex. Get lusty.

Born in conservative Grand Rapids, Michigan, Ryan grew up and out of his Catholic upbringing in his early teens. Finally having the chance to explore life in a more open way, he began playing in metal bands and lusting after girls. After many years of metal and lust, it was time to relax a bit and focus on some other things. A life long reader, Ryan now is working on his own book dealing with the church, water fluoridation, Love/Fear, sacred geometry, human relationships and freedom from tyranny. Now a business consultant, he spends his spare time working at a local theatre, staying miles away from Facebook and writing his crazy blog. Ryan is available for speaking gigs and can be contacted via his blog.

At GetLusty, we think monogamy is really sexy. But that's not to say there aren't other relationship options for couples. Take swinging or polyamory for example. But how do you describe polyamory? What is language do we use? Our favorite counseling couple, Chuck and Jo Ann Bird, are back to define some common phrases used to identify polyamorous couples or situations.

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We often talk about the language of love, and how each couple needs to find their own language, so to speak, to communicate their love and devotion.

But what if there are more than two people in that relationship? We've been writing blogs about polyamory and the practice of consensual non-monogamy. We’ve been doing it primarily to parallel the debut of a new Showtime docu-series, Polyamory: Married and Dating, which explores alternative relationship structures like poly. Today, we’d like to discuss the language of poly love.

While it’s difficult to define the poly experience, as there are so many permutations of poly and each poly relationship has a dynamic all its own, we know there are a lot of words and terminologies out there that help frame the general poly experience. So, we thought we might be able to shed a little light on what poly is by explaining some of the words used by those who live it — the language of poly love.

Let’s start with some of the categories of poly relationships. Please understand that we aren’t trying to define the experience of poly — just provide a basic working knowledge of the basics of poly relationships. Below are just a few of the terms used to describe polyamory:

Responsible non-monogamy: Any relationship which is not sexually and/or emotionally exclusive by the explicit agreement and with the full knowledge of all the parties involved. Responsible non-monogamy can take several forms, the two most common of which are polyamory and swinging, and is distinct from cheating in that everyone involved knows about and agrees to the activity. Responsible non-monogamy often explicitly spells out the conditions under which it is permissible for one person to take on additional partners, and often includes some form of safer-sex agreement such as a condom contract as well.

Triad or vee: Colloquial A polyamorous relationship involving three people, in which one person is romantically or sexually involved with two partners who are not romantically or sexually involved with each other.

Quad: A polyamorous relationship involving four people, each of whom may or may not be sexually and emotionally involved with all the other members.

Group marriage: A relationship in which three or more people consider themselves married to one another; in the polyamory community, most often a relationship involving more than one man and more than one woman, who may live together, share finances, raise children together, and otherwise share those responsibilities normally associated with marriage. A group marriage is not recognized by and has no legal standing within most Western countries, but may have symbolic or have emotional value to the people involved. Many people who believe in group marriage may create civil contracts and other legally binding business arrangements which specify the type and extent of financial commitments within the marriage, or even form a legal corporation which defines the marriage.

Open marriage/relationship: Any marriage or committed relationship whose structures or arrangements permit one or both of the members involved to have outside sexual relationships, outside romantic relationships, or both. The term open marriage is a catchall for marriages which are not emotionally or sexually monogamous; and may include such activities as polyamory or swinging. The term “open marriage” is sometimes used as a synonym for polyamory, though this is not necessarily the case; some relationships may be open but not polyamorous (as in some swinging relationships which explicitly ban emotional entanglement with anyone outside the relationship), and some relationships may be polyamorous but not open (as in polyfidelitious relationships).

Polyfamily: Colloquial 1. A set of polyamorous people who live together and identify as part of the same family. 2. A polyamorous group whose members consider one another to be family, regardless of whether or not they share a home.

Polyfidelity: (Literally, poly many + fidelitas faithfulness) A romantic or sexual relationship which involves more than two people, but which does not permit the members of that relationship to seek additional partners outside the relationship, at least without the approval and consent of all the existing members. Some polyfidelitous relationships may have a mechanism which permits adding new members to the relationship with mutual agreement and consent of the existing members; others may not permit any new members under any circumstances.

These terms make up the basic framework of how many poly couples and moresomes refer to their relationships, but for those who are on the outside looking into poly for the first time, they are a unique window into a different way of thinking about relationships.

Drs. Chuck and Jo-Ann Bird and are Board Certified Clinical Sexologists and Relationship Counselors. They co-counsel couples together which offers a unique and balanced male/female perspective and a combined therapy/coaching approach to helping their clients with a variety of relationship and sexual issues/concerns. Due to our last name and work they do, they've become known as “The Love Birds”.

They have 16 + years of personal experience in a healthy, loving and successful relationship. We know how to solve problems and work through difficulties that couples may face on a daily basis. We know ways to keep relationships strong and healthy. We offer you tools and strategies that can make positive changes in your relationship. Find out more about Chuck. Alternatively, find out more about Jo-Ann. Also, follow them on Twitter and 'Like' them on Facebook.

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