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Me First! Interdependent Relationships

What kind of relationship are you in? Maybe you've never even considered your role. Whether you are dependent, co-dependent, or interdependent, all relationships need balance and communication. Monique Mitchell delves into the meaning of interdependency and how to make it work for you.

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Do you compromise your own happiness to make other people in your life happy? Do you believe that your significant other is what makes your life complete? If you answered “no” to those questions, then you may be in, or open to the idea of, an interdependent relationship. Several studies, including those conducted at Northwestern University and Harvard University, indicate that interdependent relationships, while uncommon, is the epitome of a balanced relationship. In this type of a union, each person understands that “me” is equally as important as “us”. Nonetheless, once each person has developed a sense of personal maturity, both conclude that neither person will take on the entire financial or emotional burden of the relationship.

Dependency roles

In all types of relationships there are some people who are dependent, independent, co-dependent and interdependent. Firstly, the dependent person in a relationship is someone who spends much of his or her time deciphering who assumes responsibility of whom. The independent person in a relationship, on the other hand, tends to spend much of his or her time away from the other person, while the co-dependent person usually puts aside his or her own well-being to accommodate a significant other. And lastly, there's the interdependent person—a person who does not display neediness and who does not assume total power in the relationship.

Researchers believe that being responsible for your own identity, security, and freedom are beneficial to maintaining a successful interdependent relationship. While this type of couple has to focus on separate wants and needs, a simultaneous commitment to what is best for both partners is essential. Forming the relationship with a person who is at the same stage of personal maturity, while fostering clarity and a true commitment to partnership, are additional key elements to this sort of relationship.

Some celebrity couples also participate in being interdependent. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are a great example, due to both maintaining successful careers and equally taking responsibility of their relationship and family life.

Building a strong union

Understand that while the ideals of interdependent relationships focus on personal growth and shared responsibility, it would be difficult to withhold some exchange of power. Couples, in general, have to trust one another, regardless of the amount of responsibility one or both may shoulder. Interdependence is developed through a shared dedication to self-improvement, open communication and honoring personal boundaries. Therefore, interdependent couples have to work together to build a union that is greater than the sum of its parts.

What couples like Angelina and Brad appear to do successfully is share a mutual respect for one another. This level of appreciation enables each person to work on personal goals and issues. Make sure to embrace what is important to the other partner and clarify expectations. Keep commitments as each person's self-awareness and self-esteem continues to evolve.


Every couple specifies its own set of rules for their relationship—simply put, what works for one couple may not work for another. So, prioritize the things that will help keep your relationship strong. Communicate, early in your partnership, individual values and individual definitions of what is needed for your relationship to work. Listen for any shared set of emotional, economical and moral principles. Having beliefs and intentions in common, while also establishing precise roles and setting guidelines that both people will be held accountable for, will strengthen the success of the interdependency in your relationship.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's (CDC) 2006-2010 National Survey of Family Growth, the probability of a first marriage lasting at least 10 years is between 68% and 70%, while a first marriage lasting at least 20 years is between 52% and 56%. The CDC's survey also indicates that educational attainment, employment status and premarital cohabitation are likely factors, in influencing a divorce or separation. Whether or not your interdependent partnership results in matrimony, the same standards of commitment to the relationship and cultivating self-identity still apply.

Being on the same accord, regarding life-changing decisions, is a must. The aforementioned factors of divorce and separation have to be established prior to the relationship. And like every other element in an interdependent relationship, both parties have to agree upon any transitions made, before and after the relationship has begun. The couple has to accept that change is a reciprocal obligation. Both partners' willingness to change, whether for individual or shared reasons, is for the betterment of the relationship. And the couple's investment in making positive changes will result in the relationship being satisfying and healthy.

Relationship prosperity

Undoubtedly, relationships are a challenge. By understanding that true love does not always conquer all, your 'happily ever after' journey will not be as rocky and far-fetched. Expecting for your mate to rescue you, rather than allowing him or her to support you and your plans for the future, will cause disparity over harmony. Therefore, devoting time and energy into your own improvement will add prosperity to your relationship. Remember that your issues are your own to work through. If you choose a mate wisely, you will be afforded the compassion and patience that you need. Several studies report that equality in a relationship is a factor in successful relationships. If you and your significant other can handle being on the same playing field, then interdependency is what will work best for the two of you.

Monique Mitchell is a general article writer with a professional background in nearly everything. A native, and current resident, of Chicago, Monique has covered topics ranging from relationships and entertainment to technology and post-graduation career tips. Now focusing more on dating and relationship blogging, Monique aims to inform readers on issues around the emotional and sexual health of people in the LGBTQ community. In her spare time, Monique enjoys cooking, reading, and watching romantic comedies and "Trash TV".

Why You Absolutely Must Visit Smitten Kitten!

On the run up to our new site, we've had the pleasure of getting to know (and will be featuring) Smitten Kitten. It's one of the most unique sex toy shops we've come across, and we can't wait for all of you lusty couples to check them out. Check out our review!

Smitten Kitten

Smitten Kitten is a sex toy shop with multiple awards under their sexual belt (as well as ten thrilling years in their chilly Minneapolis home), priding themselves as a prominent progressive sex retail business. They were also one of the pioneers of the movement to eliminate toxic sex toys and educate consumers about the safety concerns of some of their favorite products.


Smitten Kitten offers much more diversity of product than one has come to expect from sex retailer. There are sections for men, women, couples, and a trans/queer gender section. The trans/queer portion of the website consists mainly of two types of products: harnesses or dildos and trans porn. There are also a variety of things like kegal balls and vegan products. How accommodating! In addition, Smitten Kitten works hard to promote events around their area and feature several resident bloggers on their site.

One of the most unique things about the Smitten Kitten is their instructional video series. Unlike many other educational videos, which merely describe the various techniques for a particular activity or toy, Smitten Kitten has taken it all the way and produced a series of explicit videos dealing with a number of sexual activities, ranging from topics like oral sex to bondage. In addition to the physical act of each activity, the performers create an environment full of explicit sex talk, consent, and direction, some of the essential components for good-in-the sack communication.
Their bondage section is also a little different from many other retailers. It is easy to find all the expected bondage gear; gags, ropes, cuffs etc. In addition however, Smitten Kitten has a variety instructional books and a device for electroplay. The texts range from beginner books all the way to books covering specific bondage styles, such as Japanese rope play.

Above and beyond your average sex shop

After removing all the potentially dangerous toys from the store in 2003, their shelves were left a little barren. Since then, the success of their efforts has resulted in a retailer with everything from sex furniture and books to a venerable galaxy of dildos and vibrators. Regardless of what you are looking for chances are Smitten Kitten will have it.

The videos also go a step further than most other websites. You can brush up on your technique alone or watch them with a partner and play along. By creating a series of videos of real people engaging in various sexual activities, Smitten Kitten has created an opportunity for people to learn more about sex without doing so from conventional porn, which has long been criticized for its lack of accuracy when representing things like the way oral sex really goes down.

They also have a variety of events throughout the month, which can be found on their website. The events, taking place at their Minneapolis location, cover a wide range of topics from the basics of non-monogamy to fund raisers for charitable groups. Some events, the 101 classes for example, are repeated throughout the year on a rotating schedule.
Check out this award winning sex toy retailer online at, or if your in Minneapolis, stop in at the store.

Try This! Benched

Many sex positions have one person more dominant than the other. It's seems that most love-making is happening to a person, when it should be a shared experience where the both of you can truly connect. Nothing adds more intimacy to your sexual experience than being able to look your partner in the eye. "Benched" brings the two of you eye to eye.

How to get into it

Firstly, you'll need a bench. Maybe you don't have a bench – improvise. Look around your home for anything that can work. You have to be able to straddle the object. Try the coffee table, a couple of ottomans or foot stools pushed together, or a workout bench. If your kitchen counter is big enough, try it out. Be safe though. If your bench is free-standing, you might push yourselves into a dangerous spot, or fall right off.

Okay, once you have your bench – have seat. Both of you straddle that thing and pull each other close. One of you place your feet on the floor. You're the stability. Your partner grabs onto you and puts his/her feet up on the bench, behind you. The movement will come naturally, but the most important thing here is the intimacy. Look into your partner's eyes, gently kiss each other, become one.

Benefits for the giver (feet on the ground)
  • Intimacy! Can't emphasize that enough.
  • You get to sit down! You're not doing all the work in this position, so you'll be able to really enjoy yourself, and your partner.  
  • Your hands have more to explore with your partner sitting up. 

Benefits for the receiver
  • You're not just getting fucked. You're equal with your partner.  
  • You get to feel your partner's hands exploring your body.
  • Again – Intimacy! 
We also recommend the other positions below. Check out our full catalog of sex positions
Our other sex position faves:

Our 9 Lusty Favs From Tumblr Today (Some NSFW)

Here's some eye candy for your last week of 2012. We love Tumblr. We're tumbling more lately on GetLusty's Tumblr page. Our favorite pictures of the day. After reviewing our Tumblr feed, we saw some pretty steamy photos. Erotic, artistic, and sexy. So we thought in true GetLusty for Couples fashion--we'd share!

Speaking of social media, have you 'Liked' GetLusty on Facebook yet? We're also on Pinterest, as well as Twitter @getlusty. What?! You're on those platforms and aren't in tune with our awesome content? Have amazing sex. Get lusty.

Suits are like men's lingerie.



Men's corset!

The hand.

Of course!

Dare me.

The slouch.

The ultimate turn on.

Wonder where we got these? Check out our sources below:

Source 1
Source 2
Source 3
Source 4
Source 5
Source 6
Source 7
Source 8
Source 9

Why Aren't My Orgasms as Powerful?

The issue of orgasms is one near and dear to our hearts. If you're not orgasming as intensity as you once did, you might feel a little unsatisfied to say the least. And if it's an issue of your own body or mind, that can be seriously frustrating! As a GetLusty (male) reader notes, he once had powerful, intense orgasms and now doesn't feel they're as strong. As always, we're here to serve you. So our resident sex therapist and counselor, Dr. Mousumi Ghose of LA Sex Therapist, answers his question thoroughly. Do you have questions of your own

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Dear GetLusty,

I have a question. It regards decreased ejaculate in older men. As a young man I very well could have been a feature player in adult films due to how forceful and how copious my ejaculations were. As an older man however I produce very little if any cum upon climax.

In addition, the intensity of my orgasms are significantly diminished. Which is a shame because I'm having the best sex I've ever had in my life and my girlfriend is extremely sexy and open everything sexual that I have ever fantasized about before we met. Particular anal. In fact, she's quite talented at it and enjoys it more than conventional penetration.

Yet, as hot as this is (and by hot I mean, whenever I masturbate to porn, ultimately I cum thinking of sex with her) I still have a very hard time maintaining an erection or reaching a climax. While Viagra works for the erectile problem, I've tried holding off sex or masturbation for days or even weeks in hopes that I could build up semen in my system. Unfortunately, this hasn't worked.

I eat a healthy diet, exercise regularly, drink moderately and am cutting back on smoking. I take blood pressure pills, but I'm not sure of the physiological effects that may have on this condition.

I really miss those powerful, squirting cums that I used to have.

Any advice or knowledge you might be able to share would be very greatly appreciated.

Wants to Cum

Dear "Wants to Cum",

Thank you for your email. The age issue for male sexuality is a very important one. It's important to know that men's sexuality shifts and changes with time and with age. Boys and men in their late teens and 20's are what I like to call "walking erections." That is--they get erect almost seamlessly and have very few limits to their sexual functioning. They are also experiencing peaked hormones, which is not necessarily their natural state. As men grow older into their 30's and 40's, the shift they experience is more mellowing. This is actually a very natural state. Many men trip themselves up a lot by second guessing what is happening as, "negative", "unnatural" or "bad". They think something is "wrong" with them. Most of the time, this is untrue.

I would like to ask that you do visit with a medical professional. Sometimes, as we age, we do experience declining health in other areas. I know you mentioned you are healthy, doing exercise and maintaining good health habits. However, it's important to know that many medications do in fact effect your physiologically. Unfortunately, your sexuality is not divorced from the rest of your body. Check with your doctor, as the blood pressure medication may very well have side effects.

Otherwise, focus on the actions you can take. You already mentioned you are having the best sex of your life! Then what is the problem here? As a society we put so much emphasis on erections, intercourse and orgasm. That's barely sex at all. That's a very limited view of sex, when our bodies are capable of so much more pleasure. Get into a mindful practice where you are focused on feelings not on end goals.

Make a commitment to get into the touch, smell, taste, sights and sounds of the sexual interactions. Get creative, do more anal, as you mentioned, get kinky with your hands and mouth. Use all of your senses, consciously. Unfortunately holding off on masturbating and cumming to produce more cum later is not something I recommend either. It's not a case of being backed up or not, the more you do it, the more you increase your odds of great experiences. My suggestion is to enjoy the ride and forget about the destination.

Good luck,

This is a guest post from the well acclaimed Moushumi Ghose.

Moushumi Ghose is a Sex Therapist, Educator and Coach, Radio Host, Musician, and Filmmaker. She is licensed by the California Board of Behavioral  Science. She is a member of AASECT (American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists). Mou also has extensive experience working with a variety of populations and diverse lifestyles.

Moushumi recently completed an eBook on, "Marriage, Money and Porn." and writes extensively for numerous other sites ranging from Men's Fitness Magazine to Find her on Twitter @motor_amourFacebook and her website

Don't forget to comment below! Have a question about fantasies or our Shades of Grey content month? Send them over to and we'll get them answered!

Wang Li Danni - Due West: Our Sex Journey (2012)

Danielle Wang,Wang Li Dan ,pics + video, Amazing breasts !


A randy young Hongkie struggles to learn about sex in a kooky and repressive household. Upon entering the workforce, his colleagues take him on weekly girl-hunting trips into the mainland.

Due.West.Our.Sex.Journey.2012. 王李丹妮 cut by 1227billy

Miranda Kerr - Tight Red Dress

Miranda Kerr arriving at the Mr. C Hotel in Beverly Hills January 10, 2013

Candice Swanepoel & Miranda Kerr

sexy asian girls links

This page contains links to sexy Asian women blogs,tumblr,reddit,and more. SEXY,NUDE,PORN
Currently there is not much, Will be better in the future with new updates.

my google reader for sexy asian women

tumblr asian sexy girls
This is definitely a NSFW blog.

Don't let the name fool you, this is not a strictly Asian photo blog. I will post pictures of anyone and anything that I find attractive/beautiful/sexy/odd etc...
porn from the middle east to south east asia
 The beauty of oriental girls
 Cosplay Gallery & Idol Gallery
A smorgasborg of Asian pussy, just can never get enough of these beautiful women. 18+ NSFW blog here which I hope you'll enjoy! :)
An Asian a day keeps the doctor away... (^-^)v

asian women on
Babes from the Orient to the Indian sub-continent!
Your Typical Asian Girl
NSFW Pictures of asian girls showing their tits, pussy and ass.


Asian IN sex stories

THIS IS Hiromi Oshima ,
a Japanese model , in June 2004 became the second Japanese-born Playboy Playmate.
Personally I'm not crazy about the girl, she Is below average... more pics

9 Rules for Amazing Public Sex

Yesterday, we wrote up on places to have quickies. As you may have noticed, we're fans of loving adventurously. Public sex can be amazing, wonderful and extremely sexy. However, there are extra requirements when making love outside. We did have several pieces of feedback from scared ladies noting neither they nor their loved one's would want to see another couple doing "the do" outside. Totally agreed! In fact, there are several rules to keeping public sex amazing. Namely, that it's not too public. Think about these guidelines while getting it on, and we think you'll have a highly entertaining time. GetLusty's Crimson Love reports.

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#1 Do it at night

Make sure that if you're going to have sex in public, that it's dark outside. You don't want to be easily spotted. If you may be doing it in the bushes, see #6-#8. Tip: While you're at it, enjoy this nighttime fun with soft, sweet kisses and an emphasis on your closeness.

#2 Don't get nude 

Unless you're on a nude beach, we don't recommend being naked. Full nudity is usually a bad idea. Keeping most of your clothes on. For example. take your top off but keeping your skirt on. Tip: Just because you're clothed doesn't mean you can't be sexy. Making love with articles of clothes on can still be very hot.

#3 Wear accessible clothes

Wearing a dress or skirt for easy accessibility can work well. Why? With pants, you have to unzip and unbotton. Trying to get them back on? That's also difficult. Have you ever seen somebody try to get back into tight jeans? Laying down is always much easier, but not very quick. If you're caught by a jogger or walker, wearing a skirt or dress means you can pop up like nothing happened. Tip: Walk quickly and laugh with your beau. Yes, you just did that. Aren't you both dare devils?

#4 No audience

Makes sure there are people around. Why? Having sex with others around--unless it's an orgy--is public indecency. It's illegal for a reason. No one wants to see you making love unless its consensual by all parties involved. Tip: Scan the area. Look left, look right. Don't see anyone? You're good to go!

#5 Tone it down

Don't be so loud so that people will hear. If you're in a public park or beach, it might not be a great time for loud sex. Want to be tied up and costumed out? Mmmm, no. Public sex isn't the best time for that. Want to try quick, enjoyable and exhibitionist sex that makes you feel like a rebel? Now you're talking!

#6 Doing it outside? Watch out for nature

Oh my goodness! Have you ever been making love outside and realize you're near an ant hill? Or by some animals, ahem, materials. Tip: Carry a flashlight (#6). Review your surroundings with the flashlight. No flashlight? Check out the ground for hills, glass or otherwise. Put your blanket down (also recommended as noted in #7), and move on!

#7 Bring your flashlight

For obvious reasons you want to see where you're going and it can help prevent any dog poo or ant hill incidents. Think bringing a flashlight is annoying? Keep one in your glove compartment. If you're bike riding, take your front light instead. Easy peasy.

#8 Bring your blanket

This one takes more planning. If you take a blanket, you likely know you'll be making love outside. The ground outside isn't very public-sex-friendly. If you're going to lie down, you should have a blanket to give you some cushion. Bring it at the very least for a barrier between you and the hard ground! Don't have a blanket? Use a jacket, towel or any kind of extra material you have at the moment!

#9 Be time wise

Having sex in public is an activity that shouldn't be prolonged for hours and hours. Why? It increases your chances of getting caught. Keep it under twenty minutes for more popular destinations is a good rule of thumb. In a less crowded area where nearly no one is likely to visit? Tip: Here, you can take up to an hour before we've experienced it to start getting, well, less fun. You could go longer if you came prepared (tent? food? hidden location where nudity is legal?).

This is a post by staff writer Crimson Love. Crimson is our resident fetish expert. If you don't see Crimson out dining with her adoring boyfriend, you'll find her reading books on innovation or finance. Crimson is currently finishing off her Bachelor's, she is passionate about food, photography, music and especially sex--and she's not afraid to talk about it. With everyone! Have story ideas? Get in touch with Crimson at

Butch and Peaches in “An Affair To Remember”

1975 Hustler magazine, with Desireé Cousteau

Their couples set, Butch and his Georgia Peach, would have an undreamed of effect on Flynt and his empire. Featuring Butch Williams and a young stripper called Deborah Clearbranch, Hustler would, as a result of Mr Williams' impressive anatomy, announce a prize for any man who could prove he was as well endowed. No one ever won.   Read more at



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