Country Girl City Life: Portia Blush

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Gents! 5 Tips to Being Sexually Dominant

Has your partner asked for more domination in the bedroom? What better holiday gift than one of dominance? Now, if you're not sure whether this is exactly what your partner wants, do ask them – keep a constant and open communication.

With that, we've heard from ladies who want a dominant partner. We've heard from gents who want to be dominant, but they're afraid to hurt their partner. We get that. How lovely and nice of you. You should be proud that you're such a nice guy. No, seriously. But for now – if you've heard your partner ask you to dominate them, Portia Blush, our queen of dominance, has some ideas on how you can do just that.

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Being sexually dominated in the bedroom, although not a new fantasy by any means, is becoming less closeted. It's a more openly encouraged, erotic fantasy among women (think: Fifty Shades). More women are feeling safer about speaking out about their desire to dominated in the bedroom.

Maybe it's the popularity of books like Fifty Shades of Grey that are finally helping us feel comfortable and accepting of our own desires. Or maybe it's the readily accessible nature of sex-positive information on the internet. Whatever it is, we're asking for what we want. And what do we want? Well, it seems a lot of us want our partner to take sexual control of us!

Whether your girlfriend or wife just got finished reading Fifty Shades, or if it's been a long-time fantasy of hers, perhaps she has asked you to take the lead and be dominant in the bedroom. Now what?

Bringing this fantasy into fruition can be somewhat daunting, especially if you have no idea where to start. Here are 5 tips for learning how to be that dominant man your partner is lusting for!

#1 Talk, talk, and more talk

I know, you're probably thinking that talking things out will ruin the fantasy for her, but that is so not the case. You have to find out just what makes the fantasy so erotic for her for it to be effective. Communication is key to lubrication, I like to say! Is it just rougher, more animalistic sexual aggression she wants from you? Does she want to be tied up? Spanked over your knee? To be ordered about like a sex slave? Ask her what she finds erotic about being dominated by you, and you'll have the frame work you need to enjoy a whole new sexual adventure together!

#2 Feeling nervous? Try role play

It can be hard at first to try something new, or doesn't come naturally. You may have some reservations, or some inhibitions of your own, and find it difficult to trust your own instincts.

One of the best ways to help yourself through this is role-playing! Pretending to be someone else can help free you from the tape in your head that says, "I must be this way," and can allow you to let go and try something new. Be the Christian Grey she wants and she can be Anastasia. Be the teacher and she's the student, or maybe the cop, and she's the naughty law breaker! As En Vogue sang, "Free your mind, and the rest will follow."

#3 It's a two-way street

You have fantasies and desires too, as well as needs to be met just as your lovely lady wishing to submit does. Maybe there's something you want her to do for you. Perhaps you have wanted her to give you head in a specific way, or maybe you've thought about what it would be like to bend her over the dining room table and have your way with her from behind. Blending your desires with your lover's, in a harmonious way, will bring a symphony of erotic pleasure and fulfillment for the both of you. Power exchange is a dynamic in which we exchange power by giving our will to another, and that can be a very sexy experience.

#4 Use your imagination

It’s very easy to get caught in the trappings of toys like ropes, paddles, and riding crops, and forget about the mental and emotional aspects of dominance and submission. Flex your mental muscles and use your imagination. Create an aura of dominance using just the way you move, speak (or don’t speak), and act. Look to characters from books and movies that you see as "dominant", or ask your partner who she thinks makes an incredibly sexy dominant male character! Find what inspires those feelings naturally in you, and make the role your own.

#5 Everyone loves toys

OK, so your partner really wants you to spank or paddle her – don't worry about spending a fortune on expensive toys right from the get-go. You don't need high-priced toys to have a good time. For spankings, everyone likes a god ole' fashioned, over-the-knee, bare-hand spanking. If you want to play around with different sensations, try the back side of a hairbrush, or a spatula! For more on spanking, check out Spanking 101.

No need to buy fancy restraints if you want to play with bondage! You can buy basic rope at your local hardware store or home improvement store, or try using silky scarves, too! You an also buy "bondage tape" for low-cost, which is a PVC tape that adheres to itself. It's cheap, easy to remove, and disposable too! Look around the home for potential tools – neck ties, scarves, and belts. Really, your imagination is the best toy you have, so play around and experiment! Most of all, have fun!

This is all a very basic starting point to begin your journey with. The best resource you have to discover your erotic map in playing with dominance and submission is each other. Find out what you both like, and what you'd like to try, and have fun discovering together. The possibilities are endless!

For questions on sexual dominance or submission, feel free to contact Portia via her blog! Also, e-mail reply@getlusty.com.

Seeking to shatter the myth that "nice girls don't talk about sex", and somehow trying to survive her mid-30's in suburbia without large doses of vodka, Portia Blush is a saucy Sapiosexual who shares with an infectious wit and a candid vulnerability about her explorations of sex, love, intimacy, kink, the occasional obsession, and everything in between; one true story at a time.

She has over 10 years experience playing Switchy in the BD/SM scene, and has explored a myriad of relationship configurations from monogamous to poly. She holds a BFA from some hoity-toity NYC art school, and still ponders the meaning of life on a regular basis. Follow her on Twitter @erogenousblog and Facebook and of course, ErogenoUS her blog.

We think about BDSM a lot. Analyzing the psychology of BDSM. Alternatively, bringing BDSM into bed. Why submissive skills are underrated and even the BDSM contract. But today we've got some special advice from our favorite, 'Queen of Kink', Portia Blush. Portia is back for a special episode on bondage. We like to mix things up in bed, so what better way of trying something new? How about bondage? Have you tried the art of bondage before? If not, Portia Blush is back to talk about bondage basics. Go ahead--get your kink on!

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Tis the season for giving and receiving! What better way to celebrate the spirit of the season, than by learning something new that both you and your lover can enjoy together! Dominance and submission is all about giving and receiving at the core of it's sensual and sexual exploration, and bondage is one of the most popular expressions of the gift of this power exchange. Here are 5 tips for the beginning bondage enthusiast to get you started, and inspire you for hours of play to come!

#1 Safety first

Safety is paramount in any kind of bondage play. Tying someone up, or using restraints on someone, involves a fair amount of risk. Don't do anything that is above your skill level. You need to understand the safety precautions you must take, as well as the signs to check for in case your submissive needs help. If you're using rope, make sure not to tie them too tight so as to cause lack of circulation. Make sure you check in regularly with your submissive to make sure they are not losing circulation; verbally, as well as by feeling hands and feet when wrists and ankles are restrained. If you're going to be using locking restraints such as locking cuffs or handcuffs, make sure you have the correct keys nearby and at the ready.

If you're doing rope bondage, make sure you have a pair of safety scissors on hand in case you need to cut your partner out in a hurry. You as the Dominant are in charge of the care and well-being of your partner's care. And, most importantly, never under any circumstances engage in any bondage play when you are under the influence f alcohol or drugs. A glass of wine in your system is fine, a bottle is not. You need to have a clear head, and be alert at all times. In addition, never leave your partner unattended for more than 30 seconds when they are restrained. Taking a bathroom break is ok, anything longer is not. Their safety is in your hands: respect it.

#2 Know thy tools

Knowledge is the most important tool in your tool box. Before you whip out the ropes and tie your lover to the bedpost, know what you're doing. First of all, it will give you confidence, and when you're the Dominant in the situation, confidence is a major factor in being effective in a scene. It's much sexier to be tied up by a person who knows what they're doing, than by someone is is very evidently fumbling. So, if you are into rope, learn how to tie knots safely and effectively.

While as a beginner you will be fine with the standard "I can tie my shoes" knot, there are knots you can learn for quick release, as well as ways of tying rope so that the knots won't slip and inadvertently tighten, causing a lack of circulation. Same goes for any restraint done with fabric too, like scarves or neckties. If you're into to using handcuffs, know how they work, and how to apply them safely, as well as how to remove them. Leashes, collars, cuffs, rope, and spreader bars are just the beginning! Explore, read, learn, and enjoy!

#3 Be creative!

You don't need to go out and buy a bunch of uber expensive scene gear to have a good time! Hardware stores and home improvement stores are your friends! You can find all sorts of fun things to do bondage play on the cheap, and yet, just as effectively as all the pricey scene sites. Want cotton rope? Metal d-ring clamps? Wooden dowels? Pallet wrap? Home Depot is your new best friend! Wooden dowels with an eye screw screwed into each end make great spreader bars! Pallet wrap is a fun item to use to wrap your partner to something, without needing to know how to tie knots! Or, think of what you have handy at home that you can use! Silk neckties, scarves, leather belts, are all readily available and affordable! Don't have a four poster bed, or even a bed with a frame? How about using a dining room chair! Use your imagination, and have fun!

#4 All tied up with no place to go, now what?

So you have your partner restrained. Now what? Have a purpose and a plan. Even if it's a loose one about what you envision for them while they are your captive. Do you want to be the cruel captor who plans to punish and use their new found captive for their own gratification, or are you the temptress; seducing and teasing their body with every sensual tool at your disposal? The fantasy you play out will largely depend upon what you have both negotiated as what want out of the scene. Bondage is about helplessness at it's core.

You can emphasize that in any way you choose. Play with their senses. Always keep them guessing. Once they're tied up, move methodically, keep changing directions. Add a blindfold into the mix to further instill that feeling of helplessness, and also to heighten their other senses. Touch: use your hands, your fingertips, your fingernails, ice cubes, feathers, warm massage oil, or whatever else you can think of to entice and enliven the skin's senses craving for more! Play music to help set the mood, or to mask the sound of your movements as you walk on the floor around them. Don't forget the seduction of their sense of taste. Food is incredibly sensual! Have an array of bite-sized pieces of fruit, chocolates, and syrups at the ready. Explore your partner's body like the gift it is.

#5 Communication is key

Lastly, it is just as much the Dominant's responsibility to communicate as it is the submissive's. The better you communicate before and during a scene, the better the experience will be for both of you. If you don't want to be tied with your hands behind you back, let your partner know beforehand. If something is uncomfortable, or you are losing circulation, don't be worried about breaking the mood to say so.

There is nothing sexy about losing the feeling in your limbs. I guarantee you that your partner wants you to enjoy yourself, just as much as you want your partner to enjoy tying you up! Also, if your partner's body has limits to it's flexibility or movements, make sure you take those into consideration when you devise your bondage scene. While bondage is about the helplessness of restraint, and the inherent discomfort that goes along with that, discomfort that hinders or hurts someones enjoyment of the full experience, or their physical safety, is never sexy.

Have fun, play safe, and play smart! For more information on bondage, or D/s, feel free to contact Portia Blush below!

GetLusty loves to speak our minds, especially with our lovers and partners. Feeling confident enough to tell your lover just what you want in and out of the bedroom can be life changing. Seriously. Expressing yourself can really improve your love life. Communicating clearly about your sexual desires also brings you and your partner closer intimately. Portia Blush is here with a personal take on how to ask for what you want (in this case anal) in bed.

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Have you ever had a lover say, “Tell me what you want,” while you were in bed? You could also be wherever you might find yourself naked and sexually entangled together. Alternatively, have you, yourself, asked this very question of a lover?

Here I am, lucky enough to learn the in's and out's of my sexuality fairly thoroughly. I know what makes me tick, tock, and even KABOOM. As I explored along the way, I learned how to be comfortable enough with myself and my lover/s to ask for what I wanted. It’s not an easy task to say the least, and it took time. It takes a real level of vulnerability that a lot of people just aren’t able to access. However, look at the other choice! Amassing a collection of unsatisfying experiences? No, no. But, hey, we’ve all had those. So after awhile, you just have to take that bull of sex by its horns.

Get vulnerable

Knowledge is power, right? But what if you ask for something that maybe the other person isn’t expecting to hear? What if you ask for something that they’re just not into?

I have been lovers with a friend on and off for the better part of 17 years. He’s known me since before I even knew what an orgasm with a partner was. The key words there being “with a partner”.

We were together when my “sexploration” was all new and shiny, and for the most part, uncharted territory. It's fairly safe to say that he came into my life just as I was about to embark on figuring out just who I was as a sexual creature. In fact, I had my very first threesome and my very first experience with a female lover, with him. Ah, the memories.

Now, our sexual escapades together have been fairly low key as far as I’m concerned. Stop laughing. The threesome I mentioned is mild compared to the meat of the journey. Really, in truth, we’ve been fairly standard fare lovers with each other from that time out, in light of where I explored without him. Recently, he asked me “Tell me what you want. Tell me what to do.” And then it happened; that awkward moment when I wished, in a moment of self-consciousness, that I could take my answer back.

I went out on a limb

“Do you like anal?”, I queried. Silence. "With the right person, and in the right moment," he answered. We have not spoken of it since. And I knew the answer, which really is a “No”, before I even asked him. I was caught in this moment that sounded like this in my head, “Oh, uh yeah, me either, just kidding.” I knew that, because in all 17+ years of being lovers with him, he’s never “made a move”, nor implied in conversation, that he would like to add that to our sexual menu. I, being the explorer, went out on a limb.

So, there is this stereotype that all men are just longing for the “so taboo” anal sex experience. As the stereotype goes, men are always finding their female partners to be completely reluctant.

If not totally against the idea of anything, even remotely, nudging the puckered pink door of nether-regions. And here I am, the apparent female sexual anomaly. I love anal sex, now feeling more than mildly embarrassed for feeling that way.

I got embarrassed

OK, I get it. Even I am picky about the circumstances of playing anally, but really, suddenly I was having this total feeling of school-girl embarrassment come over me, that I had not experienced in a long time. And it’s not like we were new lovers, we had a rich sexual relationship. The question here being more, “Why am I now embarrassed?”, more so than, “Why doesn’t he want to?”. Because honestly, we all have those things that trip our triggers. While that might be high on my list, it doesn’t mean it will be even be a blip on his radar.

Prepare for surprise, but do it anyway

Stereotypes may have some truth, but are not an across the board rule book, and that goes both ways. There are men that love anal, men that don’t, women that love anal, and women that will strangle the shit out of you if you even dare think about trying it. I am one of those rare exceptions, and I love it! So, my intrepid sexplorers, remember this; “Tell me what you want”, is as difficult a question to answer, as it is to ask. Have some respect for the vulnerability that it takes to answer, just as you would like for having done the asking. And always, prepare to be surprised.

Originally posted at Erogenous by Portia Blush!

Seeking to shatter the myth that "nice girls don't talk about sex", and somehow trying to survive her mid-30's in suburbia without large doses of vodka, Portia Blush is a saucy Sapiosexual who shares with an infectious wit and a candid vulnerability about her explorations of sex, love, intimacy, kink, the occasional obsession, and everything in between; one true story at a time.

She has over 10 years experience playing Switchy in the BD/SM scene, and has explored a myriad of relationship configurations from monogamous to poly. She holds a BFA from some hoity-toity NYC art school, and still ponders the meaning of life on a regular basis. Follow her on Twitter @erogenousblog and Facebook and of course, ErogenoUS her blog.

Just because we're on Dick & Dildo December doesn't mean we can't vag out on our favorite topic: female orgasms. We love talking about female orgasms, and why wouldn't we? We recently shared some important erogenous zones, how to have more intense orgasms and of course, more information on the ever-so-important G-Spot orgasm. GetLusty loves female orgasms! Today, our resident queen of dominance, Portia Blush is here to provide a few more absolute essential lessons about the female orgasm.

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Ever wished your female lover's body came with an instruction manual for optimum pleasure? Think the female orgasm is as elusive as the golden snitch in Harry Potter, or winning that latest Powerball lottery? Think again! Here are some insights from the inside on just what you need to know about the female orgasm from one woman who loves having them!

#1 We're not all built the same

The most important lesson of all to know about the female orgasm is that we don't all get there the same way. Just like with what gets you off guys, there is no "One size fits all" owner's manual on how to please a woman. Our orgasm, and how we achieve it, as as individual as we are. To this extent, don't assume that what has worked wonders with other women, will work with the partner you have now. If she doesn't take the lead by telling you what takes her there, speak up and ask! We like lovers who are as interested in pleasing us, as they are in being pleased. Ladies, take ownership of your own pleasure and tell him, or better, show him!

#2 This is not a timed test

The timing of how long it takes a woman to reach orgasm varies greatly. Time of the month (as far as where she is in her cycle), her mood and where her mind is at, and the stimulation she is receiving (or not receiving) are just some of the variables that will effect how long it takes to reach orgasm. A woman who can cum rather quickly on one day, may take longer on another. Some women may even feel the need to fake an orgasm if they perceive you feel they're taking too long. Honestly, I've done it myself, and I have heard from many female friends that they have as well. We don't want to do that believe me, so do your lover a favor and don't make her feel like she is in a race to orgasm at the pace you want her to. Just like you don't want to be worried if you are lasting long enough, we don't want to feel equally pressured to orgasm on a time schedule.

#3 Don't stop the groove

Variety in lovemaking is a great goodness, and should be applauded. However, If you are doing something with your tongue, or the rhythm of your thrusts with your cock that has your woman writhing in ecstasy, whatever you do, don't stop doing it! Pay attention to how your partner is reacting to what you're doing. If you have found a rhythm that has her thrusting her hips into you for more and climbing excitedly to orgasmic bliss, don't suddenly change the groove on her.

There is nothing worse than being inches away from orgasm, only to have it thwarted because your lover decided to change things up at the worst possible moment. I'm not sure why some of you guys do this, but it seems that sometimes right as you know we're approaching orgasm, you start going faster and harder for what seems like no reason at all. If we are moaning in pleasure about to peak, don't stop the groove! Pay attention, learn her signals, and when you know you're on the right path, stay your course, good man!

#4 Ring bell for service

Our clitoris is not the only thing we like stroked. While we ladies definitely need clit stimulation to get off, that is not the one and only way to make us cum like wildfire. You've heard of that elusive G-Spot before? It's no myth! It's located just about 1-2 inches just inside the vagina on the upper wall (think towards the belly button if this confuses you).

If you're going down on your woman, don't be afraid to use your hands to sweeten the deal. One or two well-placed fingers stroking her g-spot will have most women juicy with joy! Some rare women, like myself, even enjoy a finger inserted in our anus while we're being eaten out.

Though many women feel their anus is like a "No fly zone", so don't go exploring uncharted territory without asking first. And fingers aren't just for inserting either! Massage her labia gently, stroke her inner thighs, trace her body with one hand: the possibilities for pleasure in this sense are endless! For more information on the elusive G-Spot orgasm, check out our many ideas. We've got advanced cunnilingus with g-spot stimulation tips, wonderful books on g-spot and even the in-fashion technique of squirting.

#5 We like a little pre-game show

Don't turn up your nose at the art of foreplay! Take the time to not only romance her, but her body as well. We hate it when you want to jump right into the heat of the action, without some warm up. Women are like fine wine; we want to be savoured. Don't just slide in and start pumping away, we need you to work your way up to that. Tease her, slowly stroke the length of her body, and whatever you do, don't underestimate the sensuality of kissing! Everyone likes a quickie on occasion, but when you have the time, make sure you spend it drinking in every ounce of your partner, and revel in the journey, not just the destination.

#6 Touch her with your words

While men are more visual creatures, women tend to be more auditory when it comes to arousal. Talk to your lover. Tell her how sexy she is, how much you love her body, and all the things you want to do to her. We love to hear how much you desire us, and how you so eagerly want to enjoy every ounce of our bodies. There's nothing like a well-timed whisper in our ear as you're sliding yourself in and out of us, or the sound of our name on your lips as we send you into the throws of orgasmic heaven. We also love to hear your pleasure too, so don't be afraid to let us know with moans of pleasure how much you are loving what we're doing to you!

#7 We are not breakable

Not every woman likes sex soft and gentle. Some of us like to be fucked with wild primal abandon that can sometimes only be seen on Animal Planet! Although we may look like delicate creatures, I can assure you we will not break. If we say we want to be ridden fiercely, to witness the masculine strength and prowess we know you're capable of. Believe us!

#8 Variety is king

That being said, we may not always be looking for lovemaking in the same style and fashion one day, as we will the next. Just like you guys, we want different things when we're in different moods. Our orgasms are much the same. Some days we may want to be made love to slowly by you while a serenade of Barry White songs playing in the background, and others we may want to be fucked senseless up against the wall with animalistic force while our clothing is still half on. Some days one scenario will have us humming like a tuning fork with passion, and some days not. Go with the flow!

#9 Be a gentlemen

Make sure we cum first! I say this for two reasons: One, this takes the pressure off of us for feeling like we need to match your arousal peak for peak, and allows us to relax, which makes reaching orgasm that much easier. Two: because if you're going to roll over and slip into "snoresville" right after you cum, we will be left hanging, and honestly guys, this is the equivalent of "Blue Balling" your lady. It's not fun for you when this happens, and it is definitely not fun for us. Remember, ladies first!

#10 Knowledge is power

Above all, strive to know your partner's body. Learn what turns her on, what heats her up, and what sets her off like a 4th of July fireworks explosion! This comes with time, which is one thing that can make couplehood so sexy, as you will gain a more intricate map of your partner's sexual pleasure map over time with each experience.

Have fun my fellow sexplorers, and play safe! Want more tips and tricks on the allusive female orgasm? Contact Portia Blush below or give us a quick e-mail at reply@getlusty.com. We'd love to hear from you!

You've just read Fifty Shades of Grey, or maybe your partner has, and now your curiosity about BDSM play has seriously piqued. Taking the fantasy inspired by books, and bringing it into fruition in the bedroom may seem a little daunting at first. Especially to a beginning dom/me. Here at GetLusty, we believe that some fiction can become a reality, Portia Blush at ErogenoUS gives us five key ingredients that every dom/me should remember when beginning their new adventure into the world of BDSM play.

Definition: A domme is a female dominant also known as a dominatrix. A Dom is a male dominant, though these spellings are occasionally interchanged. These are also interchanged with top and bottom.

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#1 Communication

Communication is lubrication, I always say! What better way to get the erotic juices flowing than to talk about your fantasies with each other! Communication is an extremely important part of any relationship, but even more important in the realm of BDSM play.

Whether you and your partner have been together for awhile, or are new to one another, ask your partner what their fantasies are, what new experiences they would like to try and explore, as well as what things they are not into, and do not wish to do. This will give an erotic map of sorts, and makes a fantastic starting point for exploring this new journey into kink together.

You can also fill out what is known in the community as the "play partner checklist". If you're just starting out this list can seem a bit overwhelming and scary, but it too will provide both you and your partner with a starting point for more advanced exploration, as well as a list of negotiable and hard limits. Knowledge is power!

#2 Mutual satisfaction

Domination is not simply about ordering your submissive around, and having your own desires met. It's about mutual satisfaction and fulfillment. A lot of people new to D/s exploration assume that, as the Dominant in the relationship, it's all about meeting their own fantasies and desires, when that is simply not the case.

Your submissive has fantasies and desires too, as well as needs to be met just as you have. Finding out what those are, and blending them with your own in a harmonious way, will bring a symphony of erotic pleasure and fulfillment for the both of you. D/s is a dynamic in which we exchange power, and that power flows from the bottom, up to the Top. Remember, your submissive is giving you a gift in their submission to you. Respect it, and use it wisely.

#3 An exceptional imagination

Leather pants and a flogger does not, a dominant, make! It's very easy as a new dom/me to get caught in the trappings of toys like floggers and riding crops, and forget about the mental and emotional aspects of dominance and submission. Flex your mental muscles and use your imagination. Create an aura of dominance using just the way you move, speak (or don't speak), and act.

Look to characters in books and movies to inspire you. What is it about them that makes them a good example of dominance in your eyes? For me, it was always a cross between Linda Carter as Wonder Woman and Diana, the leader of the alien invasion in the mini-series "V". Find what inspires those feelings in you, and make it your own.

#4 Ingenuity

Again, it's easy to get caught up in all of the new gear that the world of BDSM play has to offer. While nothing beats the smell of a new suede flogger, having one from the start is not a necessity. You don't need to go out and spend hundreds of dollars on toys to start having a good time playing!

A little ingenuity goes a long way! That handy silicone spatula from your kitchen makes a great spanking tool, as does the flat back of a hairbrush! The aisles at your local pet store will be most useful as you choose which pretty colored nylon collar and leash to use with your new submissive. Or have fun repurposing that cat toy, the plastic wand with a feather on the end, as a caning/sensation toy on your new submissive!

One of my favorite toys is a battery operated electric fly swatter; a paddle with the added bonus of an electric “zap”! You would be surprised just what kind of toys you can come up with with just a little stretch of the imagination, and little stretch on the budget. Have fun with it!

#5 Safety - Physical and Emotional

Safety is an important part of good play. Remember, one of your most important roles as a Dominant is caretaker of your submissive. Make sure you know what you're doing, and be prepared in case of an emergency.

A pair of EMT sheers is great, and I think a must, to have in your play bag. They will cut through rope, leather, or clothing in a hurry, without risking cutting your submissive in the process. It's better to lose that expensive leather than it is to lose, or endanger, the life of your submissive. If you get a new toy and are unsure how it may feel, the best way to find out is to test it on yourself first. This way you not only know how it feels, but what the effect would be with varied application, or on various areas of the body.

Also, remember that beyond the physical aspect, you are also in care of your submissive’s emotional well-being, too. Designate a safe word; a word that when spoken, will mean that all play must cease immediately. A safe word should not be words like "no" or "stop", as these are sometimes fun to say in scene play. Instead, it should be something that is totally unrelated and wouldn't be something that you would unconsciously utter in the course of play, like "banana" or "trumpet".

#6 Remember aftercare

Lastly remember that it takes a lot of vulnerability, emotionally as well as physically, to submit to another, so respect that your submissive will need some "after care" beyond the scene itself.

The adrenaline and endorphins heightened during a scene often cause drastic changes in mood afterwards. This is sometimes refereed to as "Sub Drop". Be aware of this, and make sure to check in with your partner even a day or so after the scene has ended to make sure they are feeling emotionally secure.

With these tips in mind, you are well on your way to some exciting and delicious D/s play. Remember, in this age of readily available instant information research is your friend. Learn as much as you can, to be the best that you can. Have fun, and play safe!

Seeking to shatter the myth that "nice girls don't talk about sex", and somehow trying to survive her mid-30's in suburbia without large doses of vodka, Portia Blush is a saucy Sapiosexual who shares with an infectious wit and a candid vulnerability about her explorations of sex, love, intimacy, kink, the occasional obsession, and everything in between; one true story at a time.

She has over 10 years experience playing Switchy in the BD/SM scene, and has explored a myriad of relationship configurations from monogamous to poly. She holds a BFA from some hoity-toity NYC art school, and still ponders the meaning of life on a regular basis. Follow her on twitter @erogenousblog and Facebook and of course, ErogenoUS her blog.

Keeping your dating life spicy as a couple is not easy. Work and other commitments can make it easy to skip the hot date and go to sleep. Here at GetLusty, we think that dating your spouse is a great way to help your relationship and enhance your sex life. GetLusty's resident kinkster Portia Blush provides us with 5 date ideas that will spice up your winter nights.

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You're worked hard all day, and you can't wait until the weekend so you can spend some alone time with your lover. It can be all too easy to let the stress from the work week seep into your love life, and make planning for anything more than the usual, "dinner and a movie" seem like too much effort, but that doesn't have to be the case! Keeping that passion for your lover alive is just as important, and need not seem daunting. Here are some simple, yet super sexy ideas to spice up your date night to make it fun, exciting, and hot!

#1 Picnic with a twist

A romantic feast for all your lover's senses! Plan a picnic for just for the two of you, and blindfold your lover to heighten and indulge all of their senses as you feed them sumptuous treats.

Pick an array of your lover's favorite foods, or create a menu that will flirt with and tease their taste buds. Pick foods of different tastes (from sweet to savory), temperatures, textures, and scents to engage all of their 5 senses.

Make it a multiple course meal, or make it all just about desserts. Feed them with your fingers. Make it sensual and erotic. Don't let the cold weather stop you either! You can do this right on your living room floor on a blanket in front of the roaring fireplace, or by candlelight. Set the mood further with some of your favorite romantic music. It is sure to be a night in the two of you will not soon forget!

#2 Theatrical dinner date

Role playing in the bedroom can be ultra fun and sexy, but this fun date idea takes this one step further! On your next date night choose a restaurant or a bar to meet at and a time, and then when you both arrive, pretend not to know one another and go from there!

You can choose to dress to fit whatever character that you want to be, or you can create your persona based on body language and dialogue alone! Pretend to be the stranger picking up the woman at the bar, or the woman who seduces the stranger into a one night stand! You can pick places that are as classy or down to earth as you choose. I like restaurants in upscale hotels for this, as it adds to the fantasy, and you can book a room to go up to as the evening progresses. It goes without saying that you should talk basic parameters before you do this, just to make sure you're both on the same page. It's a fun and safe way to not only live out your fantasies, but spice up your existing love life as well!

#3 Couples massage

It's not really all that kinky, but it's definitely a sensuous way to spend a date night together! Book a night at a spa for a couples massage for you and your lover, and enjoy relaxing together as you both unwind from the tensions of the work day. Massage is not only deeply soothing, but also very beneficial to your overall health and well-being. Not to mention reawakening to the senses! It can be a wonderful prelude to a sensual and romantic evening back home in the bedroom, or you can book a hotel that offers massage in-room, and enjoy a get-away from the familiar as well!

#4 Skinny dipping

Now, I know, it's winter! You think I am crazy for even mentioning this, but remember it will be warm soon enough! Pick a favorite lakeside, river, or ocean spot, and indulge yourselves in a sexy swim together in the buff. Not only is it playfully sensual to swim in the nude with a partner, but it can also be quite romantic as well. The fear of "getting caught" can add to the thrill of swimming in the nude for some people too! You can go in the early morning for a sunrise swim, or in the dark for more privacy. I personally love a moonlit swim in a lake with a lover. Too anxious to wait for warmer weather for this? Why not share a quiet romantic night together nude in your hot tub?

#5 Fun in the dark

Turn your next movie or theatre date into a hot and playful tease for what's to come (pun intended, of course! Next time you go to that movie together, pick a more secluded row, and get frisky in the dark with one another.

Touch, fondle, and tease your lover in the dark, and watch temperatures rise! Make it into a game to see how quiet your partner can be. There's the exhibitionist thrill in the air, and we all know this can make things hotter! See how close you can bring your partner to that lustful edge, without letting them go over. Then, take all that deliriously hot energy home and watch the passion explode in your bedroom!

These are just a few of the kinky date possibilities out there. Maybe some of these ideas have sparked more of your very own already The imagination knows no bounds, so have fun creating and exploring your own new experiences together!

I've been inundated with sexy Halloween costumes. For women mostly. But how about a sexy costume for couples? Loving couples are the most wonderful thing in the world to GetLusty! So if you're a couple and you have no idea what to wear for Halloween--check out these ideas! Portia Blush, our favorite contributor and producer of the ErogenoUS Blog, is here to give us sexy ideas for Halloween that we can both use!

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The day is almost here when we get to walk out our doors scantily clad, free from judgement, and don our alter egos for a night of fun and frolic without. No, it's not your friend's bachelorette party, I'm talking about Halloween of course! It seems in recent years Halloween has become synonymous with "sexy".

Everywhere you look, costume choices for us ladies seem to be short, tight, and definitely not for the shy, featuring super-low necklines, and ultra-high heels. And while it may seem that we ladies have this niche market reserved just for ourselves, there are just as many options for you men out there who want to flaunt your wilder side, too! I'm here to share with you 10 sexy costumes for men and women that will have all eyes on you, and all hands wish they were too!

#1 Gangster and Dame

They're dangerous and alluring, which is exactly what makes them sexy! This is proof that you don't have to be almost naked to have sex appeal. Nothing beats a man in a well-tailored suit, necktie, suspenders, and a fedora!

It just creates an aura of suaveness and sophistication; the kind that has us ladies running our fingers through our hair with wanton restrained desire. And ladies, nothing says that more to a man than a satin clad dame on his arm. Think Jessica Rabbit, or Marilyn Monroe; long curve-hugging dress, curled hair draped down her back, long elbow length gloves, and perched atop slender high heels. Yes, glamour.

#2 Police Officers - Partners in Crime

Who can resist a man or woman in uniform? Add some handcuffs, some boots that command attention, and a badge, and you'll have them waiving their right to remain silent in no time!

#3 Pirate and Wench

Prepare to be boarded! Pirates offer an air of mystique and danger. They were the original "bad boys", taking the high seas by storm, in leather pants and flowing open shirts. Think Captain Jack Sparrow and Miss Swan. They be a right sexy pair, matey! Ladies, a tight corset and pert breasts overflowing your bodice will have your pirate Captain begging you to walk his plank!

#4 Mad Men Theme - Don Draper and Betty

This show is incredibly popular for a reason. It literally sells an era where sexual tensions were running high, but hem lines were still hovering low. It has the allure and class, of a period in time where men were impeccable in well-tailored suits, cigar in hand, and women in demur yet flirty dresses or tight-fitting sweaters and pencil skirts, and were never without makeup. Recreate that power and intrigue, and watch the sexual tensions (among other things) rise!

#5 Vampires

You're probably thinking the gross ones with blood dripping, and going "Eww, not sexy", but vampires can be! Vampires are popular for a reason, and it's because they are sexy, alluring, and dangerous. They make us fear seduction, and crave it; all at once. Think the original meaning of Gothic; rich dark-colored velvets, draping shirts, tall boots, dark makeup, and just a hint of blood on the lips. Give yourself over to the dark side, and have fun seducing the night away!

#6 Cowboy and Cowgirl

Be that rough and rugged man of her dreams, guys! Ladies, be the sweet, yet sultry vixen that came tame the wild stallion he is. The Wild West wasn't called that for nothing! Saddle up to some fun this Halloween, and lasso yourself some fun!

#7 Doctor and Nurse

It's an ultra-popular fantasy for a reason. There is just something damn sexy about a man, or woman, who knows all the right things to make you feel better! Ladies need not be the only sexy ones here either! While nothing stops hearts more like a short and tight nurses uniform, a man in scrubs with a stethoscope (and nothing else), just makes a woman feel weak in the knees! Temperatures will rise and hearts will stop when you come dressed to heal, so be prepared to give lots of mouth to mouth!

#8 Julius Caesar and Cleopatra

Timeless and classic, and not to mention sexy as hell! An Egyptian Queen; beautiful, regal, and captivating, and a Roman soldier; brave, strong, and powerful. This is what good sexual tension is made from! Not to mention long flowing gowns and well-fitting armor! Rule the night by becoming these legendary loves!

#9 Tarzan and Jane

Love and sex are primal, so show your jungle fever as untamed jungle man, Tarzan, and damsel in distress, Jane! Men, let your wild side show in a loin cloth with your hair untamed! Ladies, let your wild mane of hair flow, and wear that skimpy leopard print bikini and wrap! Let your inner-lion roar!

#10 Superheros

It's the dance between good and evil that makes super heroes so fascinating to us. And maybe their tight suits, right ladies? You're sure to have the whole world's eyes on you both, whether you go as Batman and Cat Woman, dancing the line between control and surrender, light and dark. Or as Superman and his love, Lois Lane; saving the world, and his damsel, one heroic act at a time. Timeless love stories of heroism, combined with super sexy skin-tight costumes, are definitely sure to heave everyone wishing you could leap tall buildings in a single bound, and save them!

May your sexy Halloween costume romping have you doing so long after the party ends, and your costumes come off! Stay sexy, and as always, have fun!

FemDom Series #3: Intro to Financial Domination

It's Orgasm October, but that doesn't mean we're not talking about BDSM. The very lovely and knowledgable Portia Blush has written extensively about forced feminization and an intro to cuckolding for the FemDom Series. For the last article, part #3, Portia is about to delve into another fabulous erotic fetish, Financial Domination also known as FinDom, or FinDomme. Portia Blush reports.

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"It's a man's world", James Brown sang, but in the land of female domination in BDSM play, it is anything but. Welcome to Orgasm October, and although it's no longer Fifty Shades of Grey September, I'm still musing lustily on BDSM play. Here, I complete my three-part series on the erotic landscape of femdom with an introduction to another fetish that's unique within this dynamic; financial domination. Also known as money slavery, this erotic fetish blissfully combines the hunger for complete loss of control, with the need to be humiliated by a dominant woman.

A word on consent

Remember that although the topics covered here may appear far from consensual on the outside looking in, in reality they are negotiated acts between consenting adults. Before beginning play of this nature, negotiation is key to healthy and successful erotic power exchange. Heed the creed: Safe, Sane, and Consensual. For more information on negotiation 101, read this article by Jean-Luc Gothos.

What is financial domination?

Financial domination is a subset of kink primarily associated within the femdom/male submissive dynamic of play. Although many different gender dynamics can experience this kind of play, it is most prevalent within this specific gender dynamic. In our society it has traditionally been that men were seen as the "bread winners" of the relationship, so this fetish, at it's psychological root, pulls energy from their subjugation.

Money slavery is the gifting or taking of money, to or by the femdom, from the submissive on a scheduled basis. These payments, often refereed to as "tributes", are required on whatever basis the femdom decides, and can come in an array of forms which I will explain in greater detail later on. While this dynamic sometimes includes other BDSM related activities, most money slaves receive nothing more than the gift of their femdom's attention these fleeting moments of "tribute". In the purest form, this fetish also never involves sex between the dominant and submissive, as he knows she is lowly, beneath the likes of her, and only his money makes him worthy of even a glimmer of her attention.

It's all in your head... and your wallet

Nothing in our overly-commercialized society seems to represent power, and who has it, more than the amassing of money does. Money symbolizes so many things we idolize; wealth, strength, security, beauty, and even health. We're taught whoever has the most money holds the most power, and so what better way to relinquish your power to another than by submitting in this most vulnerable of ways to another. To give that power to a beautiful dominant woman, a femme fatale of sorts, who can either raise you up or bring you to utter ruin with just a bat of her eyelash (or a click of her finger in your bank account), is the epitome of erotic to this type of submissive male. It is the deepest core desire of the money slave to experience the loss of control at such a depth that only this kind of vulnerability can provide.

Tis' better to give than receive

Financial domination falls under the umbrella of humiliation play in BDSM. Like many genres of humiliation based fantasies, it's a very cerebral kink. It's the literal mind fuck, a mental chase of cat and mouse, of which is the key to it's effectiveness. Dancing on this razor-sharp edge between security and destruction is incredibly sexually arousing for them. The submissive, is this scenario, yearns to be either cleverly coerced into giving money to the femdom, or to simply have her take it, and they are to expect nothing in return. He knows she has no other real use for him but to be her human wallet, and the gratification this provides him is pure heaven. The sheer fact that he has given up his money to her is his benefit, and he rejoices in it.

Forms of tribute

Some FemDoms, also called findoms (financial dominants), require tributes in the form of cash, or automatic bank deposits. It is the femdom's desire to make the submissive into her walking wallet, or ATM machine, and the submissive's to be used as such. Sometimes the femdom will require her money slave to pay specific bills of hers, from everything as large as her mortgage, to as small as her salon or spa visit costs. When I kept money slaves, a favorite thing I used to enjoy was charging them rent to exist in my world. I picked that trick up from the government, and sometimes called it "taxes" *wink*. The gifting of items off of "wish lists" is very popular; a femdom will have things already picked out, and the submissive is required to purchase items for her off of the list. Shopping sprees in stores with the submissive handing over the money, and getting awarded the pleasure of carrying her bags and being her in presence, are also a very popular tribute.

Tributes often depend on the persona that the femdom chooses to don. Some femdoms are cruel domineering mistresses, some are goddesses to be worshipped, and others are spoiled princesses who demand to be pampered and adored. Each submissive has a particular persona that trips his submissive trigger, just as each femdom has a persona that does as well.

Blackmail

In some dynamics, the femdom may require the passwords to all his online banking sites and credit cards, for unlimited access at her whim. This is often a component of blackmail fetishes, which is a subset of financial domination.

To complete the blackmail fetish, and feel the ultimate thrill in total vulnerability, the submissive will provide the femdom with real-life sensitive information like family member names and business contacts, so if the little slave piggy doesn't pay tribute when required, the femdom can expose him, and his fetish, to others.

This is regarded as the quintessential height of "edge play" in this fetish because of the extreme surrender. It should also be noted that this requires great trust, and sometimes the questioning thereof is the biggest turn on! When the submissive wishes to withdraw from such a relationship dynamic, a "buy out" cost is often applied. This can be a multiplied version of whatever the usual scheduled tribute amount is. No information is ever revealed as long as the money slave obeys all of his agreed upon requirements of servitude to his findom.

Lastly...

The combination of raw vulnerability, debasement, and total surrender is an intoxicating mix for the money slave. While this fetish may not be for everyone, to a select few it is an intensely erotic exchange of power. Whatever your kink may be my fellow sexplorers; play safe, negotiate, and most of all, have fun! Intrigued? Want to know more about the world of financial domination? Contact Portia Blush below.

Seeking to shatter the myth that "nice girls don't talk about sex," and somehow trying to survive her mid-30's in suburbia without large doses of vodka, Portia Blush is a saucy Sapiosexual who shares with an infectious wit and a candid vulnerability about her explorations of sex, love, intimacy, kink, the occasional obsession, and everything in between; one true story at a time.

She has over 10 years experience playing Switchy in the BD/SM scene, and has explored a myriad of relationship configurations from monogamous to poly. She holds a BFA from some hoity-toity NYC art school, and still ponders the meaning of life on a regular basis. Follow her on Twitter @erogenousblog, Facebook and of course, ErogenoUS, her blog.

It's still Fifty Shades of Grey September! So we get to talk about dominance, "FemDom" or Female Domination as a duality in BDSM play. Just like it's title, the female takes on the Dominant role, and the male, the submissive. On the outside, this relationship is very similar to other relationship gender configurations in BDSM coupling. On the inside however, there are a few areas of play and fetish which are uniquely intrinsic to this particular dynamic. Last week in FemDom Series #1, Portia waxed enthusiastically about the erotic joys of Forced Feminization in FemDom play.

This week we're continuing our exploration in this boundlessly sexy realm with another fetish unique to this dynamic; Cuckolding. This scene involves three people, which will also take a lot of talking. Even if it's just a fantasy at this point, review & learn.

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Talk, talk, talk

I want to remind you all, before we go too deeply here, that all of the play in BDSM that I speak of is consensual. The key to healthy sexual expression is that everyone participating is a consenting adult. At the core of this fetish, as with many others in BDSM, the submissive has already given their permission to the dominant, although from the outside looking in it may seem otherwise. Before engaging in any of these activities with your partner, I suggest reading Negotiation 101.

What is Cuckolding?

Cuckolding is a fetish in which the submissive male gets off sexually on the humiliation of watching his Mistress pleasured by other men. Sometimes, it does not even have to include watching, and can come (pun intended) from just knowing they are being pleased by others. It is unique to FemDom relationships in that, primarily, this fetish subculture centers around the female as Dominant, and the male as submissive.

Unlike most masochistic play in BDSM where the submissive gets off on physical pain, Cuckolds, or "cucks", are aroused by the psychological pain of humiliation.

It's an intensely cerebral fetish. It is a literal "mind fuck"; requiring a level of intellectual cunning that goes beyond the skill of wielding of a crop or a flogger. In addition to the voyeuristic component of Cuckolding, the humiliation aspect is paramount to the submissive. They want to be told, and shown, that they are not worthy to please their Mistress sexually, that another man/woman is better, more deserving, and more desirous than he will ever hope to be. The mental anguish they suffer caused by their Mistress is akin to the pleasure of her physical touch.

What's Mine is Mine, and What's Yours is Mine

Inside this fetish are some interesting facets of play that may, or may not, be part of the relationship negotiated. Orgasm control, orgasm denial, and forced chastity are often part of Cuckolding. All of these techniques are used for two specific reasons. One, to remind the submissive that his body, and all of it's pleasures, belongs to the FemDom alone, and two, to further his humiliation. A FemDom may limit how and when the submissive is allowed to orgasm, let alone touch himself sexually. She may also withhold this as either a form of punishment, or training, depending on the relationship dynamics. The pleasure he receives from being her "cuck" should be all he desires.

Mocking of his cock size, lack of masculinity to her liking, and of his utter lack of skill are all part of this. His humiliation is carried out in the reinforcement of these notions. In some cases, total celibacy through forced chastity may be required of the submissive. To ensure his chastity, some FemDoms will require their submissive to wear a chastity device to keep his cock under lock and key, literally. Only she gets to decide when, where, and how her property gets used, and this device serves as a reminder. I hate it when people play with my toys without my permission, don't you?

A Word On "Felching"

His pathetic cock might not be worthy to please you, but that worthless cuck is good for something! Put him to work and avoid the messy hassles of clean-up. Some FemDoms, after allowing their submissive the pleasure of hearing, knowing, or watching a real man please her, will give her cuck the gift of cleaning her up after sex.

This is done by eating her out, and sucking all the other man's cum out of her vagina. In fetish circles this is known as "Felching". The degradation provided by this is a thrill for the cuck. He feels useful in knowing that, while he is not only not worthy of her, he can clean up after the man who is. He is rewarded the pleasure of servitude, and of the debasement at her discretion. That truly is the gift that keeps on giving!

Sometimes, such a pleasure is not allowed the submissive. No need to forgo the fun! Consider giving that cuck a cum facial instead. Some FemDoms will save the used cum-filled condoms from their chosen desirable partners, and empty them on the face of their cuck, giving him a "facial" with the more worthy partner's cum. Equally humiliating, and creative. You may also choose to empty it onto a small plate for him to lick clean as you watch. It really is up to your own personal devious taste. Oh, the puns!

As Always, Safety First!

Although the activities I described involve higher-risk behavior in terms of STI (sexually transmitted infection), they have often been a common practice within Cuckolding. If you engage in these, it's important to know, and trust, the sexual health status of all parties involved. This is care for you, as well as your submissive's health and well-being.

Humiliation play of any kind of a delicate sword that must be wielded with precision and care. It's important to really know and trust your partner well, the more intensely involved your relationship dynamic is. Your not only playing with someones body, but with the intimate and vulnerable corners of their psyche. A bruise from a misplaced flogger is easy to see and goes away after a few weeks, while a psychological bruise is invisible and can be devastatingly long-lasting. Trust and knowledge of your partner is imperative before engaging to this depth. Remember humiliation during a negotiate scene is wonderful, while humiliation after a scene has ended is irresponsible and damaging to one's trust.

Care for your submissive's safety, both physical and emotional. during and after scene, are key. Depending on the structure of your relationship, whether scene by scene, or 24/7 TPE (Total Power Exchange), aftercare will vary greatly. Aftercare can vary from "cuddling" to "clean up and let me alone for awhile". Talk about what both you, and your submissive need after scene, just as much as what you need during.

While Cuckolding in FemDom relationships may be for some, it's not for all. It can be an intensely erotic form of play. Whatever you decide: have fun! If you're not enjoying yourselves, than what's the point? Live juicy my fellow sexplorers! Have more questions about Cuckolding? Contact Portia Blush below for more information!

Seeking to shatter the myth that "nice girls don't talk about sex", and somehow trying to survive her mid-30's in suburbia without large doses of vodka, Portia Blush is a saucy Sapiosexual who shares with an infectious wit and a candid vulnerability about her explorations of sex, love, intimacy, kink, the occasional obsession, and everything in between; one true story at a time.

She has over 10 years experience playing Switchy in the BD/SM scene, and has explored a myriad of relationship configurations from monogamous to poly. She holds a BFA from some hoity-toity NYC art school, and still ponders the meaning of life on a regular basis. Follow her on twitter @erogenousblog and Facebook and of course, ErogenoUS her blog.

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FemDom Series #3: Intro to Financial Domination

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