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Showing posts with label anatomy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anatomy. Show all posts

5 Yoga Poses for Better Sex



This new year, health is probably an issue coming to your mind soon in the form of resolutions. But how about feeling better and enjoying a better sex life? GetLusty For Couples is totally serious about being healthy, because being healthy can give you a better sex life. This is the second in a series on using yoga for better sex. Our yogini, Lora Swarts, is here to talk about how yoga can be used to improve your sex life.

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Yoga has an abundance of benefits for both your mental and physical well-being. As a yoga student myself, I have seen changes in my own body that, honestly, running never gave me. The endorphins are still there after a yoga class, however what's not there is a feeling of anxiousness. When I would run I would compete with myself. "Run faster" or "run farther" "don't walk, that is for quitters." Running which once was fun, had turned into a very competitive personal sport that I really needed to break up with. When I found yoga, my entire mindset changed. 

I have no more competitions with myself. I feel better emotionally, and I have more confidence. Yoga melts away anxiety, poor body image, and fatigue and worry. When you are free from these, then your inhibitions seem to dissolve as well, bringing you closer to better sex and orgasm. When you are connected to your inner self and spirit rather than the clutter in your head, you get closer to the present and worry less about how you are performing or what your body looks like. The sex becomes more freeing and uninhibited.

I always recommend that everyone should give yoga a shot.  Soon enough you will start to reap the benefits and your partner will too. In our last post, I recommended 5 yoga poses to help your body and mind get in better shape for sex. Now I am back with 5 more poses! Try doing these with your partner for a little added fun before you head to the bedroom.



#1 Cat/Cow

Cat/cow pose is a simple warm-up that engages your pelvic muscles. When you are doing cat/cow you strengthen your Kegel muscles, the ones that contract during orgasm.

To do cat/cow pose:

Come into a table top position with your shoulders over wrists and your hips directly over your knees. Inhale (cow) drop your belly, lift your chest up away from your belly and extend your tailbone toward the sky. Exhale (cat pose), press into your hands, round your back like a cat, gently contract your abdominal muscles. Repeat these moves six times.

#2 Plank pose

Plank pose helps strengthen core and abdominal muscles.

To do plank pose or as my yoga teacher says, "plankasana":

Stack your shoulders over your wrists. Keep your body flat as a board. Press back through your heels. Hold plank pose for 30 seconds and rest for 15 seconds and repeat for another 30 seconds. The yogi push up, also known as, chaturanga, is also very important in strengthening your arm muscles because they require lots of control. To do a chaturanga, come forward onto your toes, bend your elbows (keeping them close to your ribcage) and lower half way down creating a 90 degree angle with your arms. Hold in this low push up for a few seconds, without letting your body collapse. To rest, come down to your stomach and rest with one ear on your mat. Doing planks and yogi push ups will get your arms toned and ready for any sexy position in your future!

#3 Cobra 

Cobra pose, is a heart opener pose. Heart openers connect to our heart chakras. Love, energy, and breath come from the heart chakra and therefore this pose indirectly connects to our sexual intimacy. Its an energizing, mild back bend too. So when you are feeling too tired, try a few cobras to open your heart and awaken your sexual energy!

To do cobra:

You can enter cobra after lowering from plank pose, or just get right into on its own. Lie on your belly with your palms facing down, close to your low ribs. Draw your legs together and press the tops of your feet into the floor. Press your hands down evenly as your draw your elbows close to the sides of your body. On an inhale, using the strength of your back, not the force of your hands, lift your chest off the mat and draw your shoulders away from your ears. Gaze slightly in front of your mat to keep your head, neck and spine aligned. This pose comes from your lower back, so release the tension in your glutes. Hold this pose for about 10 seconds, then gently release to the floor. Do three sets of cobra pose.


#4 Utkata Konasana or Goddess pose

Who doesn't want to feel like a goddess in this victory squat? This pose strengthens your glutes, thighs, quads and abdominal muscles. You will feel strength from your insides, out.

To do goddess pose:

Stand at the top of your mat. Step to the right, opening your legs about three feet apart. Turn your heels in and your toes out. Bend your knees until you are in a wide squat and your thighs are parallel to the ground. Ensure that your knees are directly over your ankles so adjust your stance if you need to. Bring your hands to prayer position. Hold here for 5 focused, deep breaths.

#5 Bound angle pose

Baddha Konasana, or bound angle pose, opens up the thighs and groins while increasing blood flow to your genitals.

To do Baddha Konasana:

Sit with your legs out in front of you. Bend your knees, draw your heels as close to your pelvis as possible and bring the soles of your feet together. Allow your knees to open. Always keep the outer edges of your feet planted on the floor. Grasp your big toes with your thumb, index and middle fingers.  Don't force your knees open, rather release the heads of your thigh bones to the floor and your knees will follow. Your pelvis should be in a neutral position and your perineum parallel to the floor. Hold for 1-5 minutes. To release, on an inhale, slowly bring your knees together and straighten your legs out in front of you.

Try these five yoga poses to gain some strength, confidence and better circulation. Do these poses in a row to create a mini yoga sequence that you can do anywhere! Add in some downward facing dogs and child's pose when you need to rest.

Namaste!

Lora is our Editorial intern and resident health nut. When she is not writing or editing, you can find her on her yoga mat, exploring Chicago via bicycle, or hanging out with her wonderful boyfriend and Beagle puppy in their north side apartment. She has a habit of spending too much money on soy lattes and yoga clothes. Find her on Twitter @HoneyNutLo. Have any questions? Email her at Lora@GetLusty.com!

His 10 Erogenous Zones You Should Know

We all have those places where we love being touched. Those places where, if your man touches you, it send chills running down your back. Those are your erogenous zones! You get goose bumps and makes you, dare I say, moist. Your man has those special spots, too. Want to start of your sexual session a little slower? Touch, massage or gently rub these erogenous zones! It makes your sexual experience longer and more wonderful to say the least. Our Crimson Love reports.

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#1 Neck & shoulders

Men love to have their necks kissed, licked, sucked, touched and rubbed. Why? The skin on the neck, collar bone and the back of the neck are very sensitive. The neck is most definitely an erogenous zone. The lightest touch can awaken his body and his sexual desires. Surprisingly or unsurprisingly, the neck is an excellent place to start in making him beg for your love.

#2 Fingers

Surprised? Don't be! The fingers, especially the finger tips, have a high sensitivity due to a high concentration of nerves. Next time you're feeling frisky, take your mans hand, nibble on his finger tips, let your teeth graze the pads of his fingers, gently lick them and see where it gets you.

#3 Inner thighs

The inner thigh, even though it tends to be a bit fleshy will have him at your mercy. Light butterfly kisses, soft caresses and licks will have him pitching a tent with some premium wood in no time. Though his inner thighs might be slightly hairy, they're still super sensitive and even a bit ticklish.

#4 Tailbone/spine

Oh yes, ladies. Take in all of the delicious soft moans your man will make when you release your touches and caresses on his lower back. The spine and tail bone are composed of bundles of nerves and when lightly caressed, licked, or kissed will send pleasure coursing through your mans' body.

#5 Lips

Yes this is obvious but let's not neglect it. Your man needs and loves to be kissed. The Lips are one of the most sensitive parts of the human body. Do you ever pay close attention to your man when you kiss him? Next time pay really close attention to how his body reacts and you will realize that that kiss does more than just make his lips moist. Nibble, suck, lick and bite away!

#6 Abdomen

You know how good it feels when you rub your tummy? Well imagine how good it feels to your man when you kiss, lick and nibble his. It's a very sensitive area, especially when your move lower towards the groin. Starting at the top and working your way to the bottom. By the time you meet his dick, he may already even be hard. But no rush, it's not about his dick right now. Waiting to great his genitals makes it all the more loving and intimate.

#7 Ears

Why are ears erogenous? The outer ear contains thousands of nerve endings, many of them concentrated on the ear lobe. For this reason, the ear is an erogenous zone for many people. Want to get sexy? Try this move on for size! While you're sitting and watching a movie or TV, caress and massage his ears or nibble and lick them. This will not only relax him, but get him in the mood for some serious play time.

#8 Forearms 

Why you ask? Think about the last time you got goosebumps? You felt them especially on the hairs of your arms. Massaging or just touching gently this forearm area will get that same effect. Want to try it out? Gently rub the softer skin on the underside of his arm. He may even get goosebumps and chills, not to mention it sends clear messages of your "loving" intentions.

#9 Mind

You can metaphorically connect with your partner with your amazing intelligence and wit! The brain is the largest sex organ and most multifunctional. Play a sexy game with your partner all day, sending naughty text messages and e-mails. When you get home that night have something sexy and surprising prepared, you will be sure to blow his mind!

#10 Scalp/ head

If your man is in the shower, offer to wash his hair and massage his scalp for him. I guarantee your naked body won't be the only thing he is standing at attention for. There are even certain ways to massage his head before, during or after sex. What? You're massaging him after sex!? You're such a good lover! That will definitely earn you brownie points.


This is a guest post by GetLusty staff writer Crimson Love. Crimson is our resident fetish expert with years of experience 'in the scene'. If you don't see Crimson out dining with her adoring boyfriend, you'll find her reading books on innovation or finance. Crimson is currently finishing off her Bachelor's, she is passionate about food, photography, music and especially sex--and she's not afraid to talk about it. With everyone! Have story ideas? Get in touch with Crimson at amber@getlusty.com

Ladies! 6 Reasons You Can't Climax



We've all been there. You can't climax in the moment and feeling really helpless. I'm sure many women you know have also had the same problem at some point. It's completely normal, but why does it happen? Knowing why could get you closer to orgasming in the future. GetLusty's Bethany Kibblesmith is here presenting research on why you aren't climaxing.

Disclaimer: This is not intended to be medical advice. As the article notes, if you're having physiological or psychological issues hindering your orgasm, we recommend seeing a physician. Whether it's a psychotherapist or your primary physician, it's important to understand both why you're having problems as well as how you can start orgasming. Have specific questions? Feel free to send it to reply@getlusty.com, and we'll send them over to the therapists or sexologists in our network to get answers.

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You’re having sex, getting oral or being manually stimulated. It’s feeling amazing and you can feel your climax just out of reach. Try as you might, you can’t manage to seal the deal. In fact, the harder you try to orgasm, the more impossible climaxing becomes. You want to come. You’re having sex. So what gives?

Well, there are a couple of things that could be going on. First, if this is the only thing you take away from this article, I’ll be happy. Okay, ready? Know this above all else: it’s not your fault, you aren’t a failure, and absolutely nothing is wrong with you. Same goes for your partner.

So, there are two basic categories of things that are likely culprits hindering your climax. Something is going on, either in your brain or in your body. First, cover brain stuff first. Stress, distractions, and simple mental blocks. Next, we'll cover issues with your body.

Brain issues (psychology) 

#1 Stress

Stress is a total buzzkill in every aspect of life, and the poor orgasm is no different. If work or school or family is killer lately, and your time spent with your lover has you showing up zombie-like, drained, and flopping into bed or maybe it has your heart thumbing like a techno beat and your muscles are tight as an E-string, it’s not surprising that your O has become elusive.

Your stressful situation stays where you leave it. Don’t bring it into the bedroom, kitchen, living room or shower... Anyhow, the point is, focus on the matter at hand. Your attention should be on your body and your partner, and all the yummy sensations you’re sharing. If you really can’t shrug off the stress, consider taking a booty break until your stressful situation eases up. If sex is uncomfortable or feeling like something you’re doing to because you know your partner wants to, this is probably the best solution for your stress.

#2 Distractions

Distractions can also act on your ability to come, just like stress. Thinking about how loud the TV is in the other room and wishing you hadn’t forgotten to turn it off, or how you really should be doing the dishes, and crap, weren’t you supposed to call your friend back about Friday night? Or maybe it’s too dang cold, why is it so hot in here, have these sheets always been so rough? Slow down, girlie. Worrying about all the other things you also have to get done while you’re supposed to be getting down, uncomfortable conditions or temperatures, can make it impossible to focus on the physical and zone out mentally, both ideal for climax.

#3 Simple mental blocks: distrust

How you’re feeling about your partner is critical for comfortable sex. Have you been fighting, or nagging each other? Is there something you aren’t telling your partner about?

Anything you’ve buried, or left unresolved can cause you anxiety, emotional stress, and make you feel emotionally distant or disconnected from your partner. It goes without saying that these things make it harder to enter a state of vulnerability and openness that orgasm entails. A good relationship is always built on trust.

The other brain based thing that might be the culprit of your climax problems is how you’re feeling about your O. The critical moment is building, and you start thinking “I’m gonna come. Last time I didn’t but this time, it’s gonna happen. Oh, I’m close, why isn’t it happening? What’s going on? Ugh! Lost it! Again!?” Just know that not having one means doesn't mean never having one ever again. When it comes to brain-based orgasm blocks, just remember to relax, talk about your feelings and needs, and relax!

Now, if you read this next section and identify with any part of it, please see a medical doctor. I am an English major, not a medical professional. None of this is meant to constitute medical diagnosis or advice.

Physiologically, there are other reasons you may be having difficulty climaxing. The main culprits are injury or medications, but a physiological response to a psychological issue is also possible.

Physiological issues (your body)

#4 Medications

Have you recently gone on any new medications? Certain anti-depressants and anxiety medications, specifically SSRIs, and forms hormonal birth control, and most common oral contraceptives make climax difficult or impossible. Those medications can also lower your sex drive considerably. Talk with your doctor if this is the case, and determine whether a different medication would better suit your body and life. A word on recreational drug use: opiates and marijuana may dampen your libido and make orgasm more difficult to achieve. Opiates especially are associated with lack of sexual desire, and many prescription painkillers fall into this category. If this could be your problem, consider getting medical help.

#5 Injury (such as childbirth)

Any damage to your nervous system, especially damage to your spinal nerves, can cause a loss of physical ability to feel various sensations. Have you received any physical trauma recently? The other main physical issue is that of the pelvic floor. Are you experiencing pelvic floor issues, such as incontinence or excessive tightness?

Hip and back problems, as well as obesity and pregnancy/childbirth, can cause pelvic floor dysfunctions, which can make sex impossible or painful in the case of excess tightness, or uncomfortable and lacking in sensation in the case of looseness. Kegels and certain yoga poses can help, but always consult a physician if you think something is going on in your body.

#6 Trauma

This one straddles the psychological and physiological categories, but traumatic or negative sexual experiences. Even many years prior to your current sexual difficulties can unexpectedly impact how you relate sexually to your partner.

The effects of sexual abuse, an abusive relationship, or even a consensual encounter that had some sort of negative aspect or association, can all impact your sexuality, at any time. This is a completely normal response.

The body and mind in tandem can sometimes cause, in the most severe psychological reaction, vaginal muscles to become very tense and seize up, making penetration either very painful or impossible. Less obvious reactions to sex in the case of a negative sexual association can be a disconnected feeling to the body, inability to climax, and feelings of fear, guilt or aversion to sexual activities.

Whatever is causing your difficulties in climaxing, you’re a beautiful person who deserves awesome sex. If you keep relaxing, talking to your partner, trying and confronting your difficulties head on, you will orgasm! Stay tuned to GetLusty, as we'll have ideas especially for those of you who are having difficulties climaxing.

We're very excited to have Bethany Kibblesmith as GetLusty's newest writer. She's passionate about keeping it sexy inside and outside the bedroom in her own relationship and in yours.

Bethany is twenty-two and an English major. When she isn't scrambling to finish homework, she's with her boyfriend, reading, doing yoga or cooking. She enjoys the finer things in life like, secondhand clothes, warm showers, and socks without holes. She writes plays when she isn't writing for school or GetLusty. And if you meet her she will, without question, make a sex joke at some point. Email her at Bethany@GetLusty.com if you have any questions!

10 Reasons Not To Give Up On Sex After Menopause

Healthy sex lives aren't just for young couples. Menopause is inevitable for us ladies. And we always think that you should never give up on your sexuality, including after menopause! While there are many changes, there are also many ways to embrace your age and realize that sex is not over. Beyond reaching hot cougar status, menopause can be an exciting new experience in our lives. GetLusty's Lynn Olejniczak provides 10 reasons why you shouldn't worry.

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It’s going to happen. Someday the woman you are, or the woman you love will go through menopause. The good news is, this isn’t Logan’s Run. (You are old enough to know what Logan’s Run is, right?) And the better news is that sex can be better after the change of life. You are probably wondering how that can be. 

#1 No more periods

Hurray! No more periods! Think of all the money you'll be saving by not buying feminine hygiene products, you can put those funds towards a monthly sex store trip. OK, you will probably need a moment or two of mourning for the loss of your period. Go ahead. We will wait... Hurray! No periods!

#2 No more baby worries

No periods = no babies. You are free to frolic any week or day of the month that you like. This also means no more birth control; no pills, no IUD, no diaphragm, no sponge, no spermicide. Though you still have to consider STDs and even more STDs like every other couple, you don't have to worry about that little thing called pregnancy.

#3 There's a pill for that

Some doctors may prescribe short-term estrogen therapy to ease the discomfort associated with menopause. This “easing” of the emotional roller coaster associated with menopause can help maintain the sex drive for a while. The use of testosterone is now being examined to not only ease that emotional ride but has a side effect of boosting the sex drive.

#4 Past, present, and future

Chances are if you enjoyed an active libido before menopause, it probably won’t change that much after. We aren’t saying it won’t change at all. But so many factors related to a woman’s sexuality are psychological. In short, if you are in a good place, you will stay there.

#5 Get more intimate

Not feeling frisky? How about some good ol' fashioned intimacy, a more sensual sex session? Alternatively, maybe a loving, sensual massage? Menopause may increase the desire for a different kind of intimacy: longer morning cuddles, more foreplay, flirting, touching, PDA’s may become the happy little keys on your chain. Go ahead, jingle them.

#6 Get your lube on!

The hard truth is, menopausal women will experience some vaginal dryness. As you've heard from one of our favorite sexologists, Megan Stubbs before, "wetter is better." Lubricants are the sure fire way to relieve this issue. If you have never had to use a lubricant in the past, don’t be afraid to now. Today’s water-based lubes have come a long way from sticky gels. Aside from providing the needed moisture, they enhance the experience, and make it more comfortable. So you can still have marathon sex, as long as no one’s back gives out. For more information on lube, feel free to check out our Lube 101 article!

#7 Free to be

Nothing will make one reassess their body image like menopause. Changes are happening, you cannot deny that. Obviously, a proper diet and frequent exercise are important, but accepting certain changes and being happy with who you are goes a long way. When you are happy with who you are, you will be happy before and after menopause. Enjoy your body; and get naked more often! After all, you should love your naked body.

#8 Reaching the peak

Dryness, thinning of vaginal walls and hormone changes are all contributing factors to a change in sexual pleasure. Even though nightly multiple orgasms are replaced by nightly attempts at orgasm, do not despair. Look at this as an opportunity to try new things! Toys that stimulate the clitoris, positions, and oral sex (including cunnilingus) can be lovely ways to vary the experience.

#9 You are wise; aged like a fine wine

Simply put: you know what you want. The beauty of a woman of a certain age is that she has learned what she wants. Women don’t hit their sexual peak at 18, they grow with every experience. Menopause isn’t a surprise, but having the confidence to meet it head on can be empowering. Both in bed and out.

#10 Change brings you closer together

Unless you are Demi Moore or Hugh Hefner, the odds are that your partner is of the same generation. If you're going through menopause, your partner will be experiencing their own performance changes. By showing understanding and patience as your sexuality matures you are only strengthening the relationship as you enter this phase. Being able to navigate this new road with someone who knows your body can provide priceless comfort.

Women are sexual, even after menopause comes knocking. Hello? Have you seen what Sophia Loren looks like these days? There is no reason not to continue being sexual. Embracing this next level of experience; its ups, its downs, its hots, its colds, adds another level to life. A life of many levels is a life well lived.

Lynn Olejniczak is a native Chicagoan who loves her city and everything it has to offer. She spent 10 years as a NASDAQ trader in Chicago and New York in the 90's, then went back to college when "the rules changed and I realized no one was going to pay me lots of money to swear at them anymore."

She loves good food, and a perfectly poured Guinness at any Irish pub in the city. Her Beastie Boys CD's rest comfortably next to her Misfits vinyl, and she believes Underground Garage is the best radio program known to humankind. Armed with degrees in History, and a love of Urban Planning, Lynn is currently writing and researching a book on the 80's Chicago bar scene. Get in touch with Lynn at editorial@getlusty.com.

Cunnilingus 201: Up the Ante with G-Spot Orgasms (NSFW)

There's more to cunnilingus than just the clitoris. We've demystified the clitoris, we've even gone all academic with our favorite books on g-spot orgasms and even books on cunnilingus. We've all heard of the mystical G-spot, but what and where is it? Can it happen during cunnilingus? Simply put: yes. GetLusty staff writer Milan Weasley shares her expansive, sex positive wisdom and love of cunnilingus with you. It's especially for advanced learners. Beginner? Start with cunnilingus 101 as noted below.

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We always want to help encourage better cunnilingus. We started off with a cunnilingus 101 for the beginners, but now for a more advanced guide. While it focused on clitoral orgasms, it's time to add G-spot orgasms today! It's just as, if not more, important. The G-spot. Through extensive trials, Dr. Ernst Gräfenberg found that stimulating the clitoris was not the only way to reach female orgasm. Named after Dr. Gräfenberg the G-spot is known to be the key to multiple orgasms!

Without ado, below are 10 more ways to finding this wondrous, and elusive spot and aid in the cunnilingus experience.

#1 Elongate foreplay

Don't rush into it. It's much harder to find the g-spot before being excited. This is a perfect excuse for foreplay. The G-spot is made up of erectile tissue, so it enlarges up to 150% when stimulated. Making it much easier to locate and more sensitive to touch. An empty bladder is very necessary when searching for the elusive G-spot.

#2 Make her comfortable

As I mentioned you can't go straight for the G-spot. You have to build up the foreplay. Excite her; kiss her, things will be a lot easier if she's already comfortable and feeling beautiful and confident. This is the ideal moment to tell her how beautiful she is. Caress and kiss her entire body.

#3 Find the G-spot

Even if she has been stimulated and warmed up, the G-spot may still be hard to find. It's easiest to find with your fingers. Insert two fingers.

You want to go as deep as your second set of knuckles. A come hither gesture will get you in the general area. The G-spot does feel different than the surrounding tissue. It has a more rough texture, like the roof of your mouth right behind the front teeth.

#4 Technique 

Pressure is the best feeling, but like many things, this isn't true for everyone. Experiment. Slow, deep strokes and lighter, faster ones. Always make sure to spread your fingers a bit. In the middle is the urethra and pressure there won't feel nice. When you find a nice rhythm, keep it up.

#5 Don't forget the clitoris

G-spot stimulation doesn't work well on its own. Pairing it with clit stimulation is perfect. If you're using your fingers, you're already in a great spot to go face first. Clit and g-spot stimulation go hand-in-hand. When performing cunnilingus, inserting fingers takes it to the next level. If you know where the G-spot is, that can put it over the top. Clit stimulation is a great opener and will encourage lubrication, kick-starting her excitement.

#6 Toys


I've always been an advocate for using toys. And why not? It's #ToyWithMeTuesday! For example, check out the Nirvana from Early to Bed to the left. It's a vibrator and dildo. They can definitely improve your cunnilingus experience They especially helpful with finding the G-spot. Many toys are designed to do just that. It will make a nice addition while you are stimulating her clit with your tongue. It's much easier to hold a toy in one place while focusing elsewhere. A vibrating toy is also great for her clit. You'll definitely get her to climax, and maybe even ejaculate.

#7 Squirting

With proper buildup, multiple orgasms can be achieved. And even better than that, female ejaculation, or squirting is possible. Female ejaculation does come from the urethra but it's not urine. It will be clear and odorless. It also tastes sweeter than her natural lubrication.

#8 Come prepared

Female ejaculation can feel like the need to pee. The feeling can lead to some insecurity. And that will prevent a good orgasm. Don't worry. And tell her not to worry. If she had already used the bathroom, there won't be any embarrassing issues. This will help her relax and her muscles won't tense up. You want her to be comfortable enough to go with the feeling and flex her muscles. Have a towel nearby. You'll probably need it.

#9 Communicate

This cannot be stressed enough! When you've found the place, rhythm, or motion that she loves, do not stop. I've been guilty of this myself. Changing even a little bit can interrupt her climax. So no matter how hard it is, or how much that cramp hurts, keep going. You will both be grateful you didn't stop.

#10 Make note

Remembering where her G-spot is will not only help in the future with cunnilingus, but can improve sex in general. The G-spot can be reached with fingers, toys, penises, and even some long and talented tongues. Positions from behind, and the Cowgirl can lead to G-spot stimulation. With the Cowgirl position, she has more control and can better position things. During other forms of intercourse, remember to aim lower, and be prepared for a wild ride.

Speaking of the G-Spot, have you 'Liked' GetLusty on Facebook yet? We're giving away a Tiani 2 to a lucky 'Liker' by December 1st. We're also on Pinterest and Tumblr, as well as Twitter @getlusty. What?! You're on those platforms and aren't in tune with our awesome content? Have amazing sex. Get lusty. 




This is a guest post by GetLusty staff writer, Milan Weasley. She's pretty amazing. We're so excited to have Milan as one of our first lesbian writers. (Ah! Dykes and dildos!) She spends her days procrastinating grad school and her nights procrastinating everything else. She enjoys writing, gogo dancing, sewing, pole dancing, and defending the Oxford comma.

Questions, comments or article ideas? Get in touch with Milan at milan@getlusty.com or on her Tumblr.

3 Stretches for Better Thrusting During Sex

One of the best things you can do for your sex life is regular exercise. Constantly working on your stamina as well as regularly using your muscles to keep them limber and strong is a direct payoff. So what is the down side? Getting into a regular exercise routine can be harder than we give it credit for.
Our newest staff writer, Brittany Meyer, is here to help with the top 5 stretches to enhance your sex live with being more limber for stronger thrusts.

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Comedienne Lynne Koplitz jokes that sex when you’re younger is an event. You prepare, stretch and eat lighter meals. We find it laughable. But why don’t we put more effort into preparing for sex? It is easy to see how needing to eat a lighter meal or going to the gym earlier that day could make obvious improvements in our sexual endeavors but so many people take these small tasks for granted. I can understand that we have many things happening in our lives ranging from fun to obligations that we cannot commit everything we do to our sex lives but we should all be taking small steps to help improve it.

For those of you in a transition period where you would like to be more agile for sex but are having time commitment issues, we would like to offer a medium! Regular stretching is one of the best ways to keep yourself limber and will help avoid cramping while giving you more energy. These can be done for 20 minutes as a morning routine or even a 10 minutes warm-up for the bedroom in the evening.

We use all the muscles in our body for sex but there are 5 major groups we recommend you focus your stretches on; Back, stomach, buttocks, hips and hamstrings. In Part 1, we reviewed hips and hamstrings. Did you see our other article on stretching other muscle groups for better sex? While we recommend you pay the most attention to the muscle groups you will be using the most (depending on the positions you prefer to do), these are the major muscles that you will typically use.

When you are going through these stretches, don't be afraid to incorporate small stretching techniques you are familiar with as you go to keep the blood flowing and keep yourself comfortable. As a reminder about stretching, always do it at your own level. The stretches described below are only the recommended procedure; adjust them to your abilities so you do not overexert yourself! Nothing is worse than pulling a muscle when you are working towards improving your sex life.

#1 Don't put your back out (the back stretch)

Why the abs and lower back?

Core power. The abs and lower back muscles are used for the thrusting motions of sex. Finnish researchers say that people with weak core muscles are more than three times more likely to suffer from lower back pain. Strong abs also hold your belly so it won’t flop over and get in the way of business.

This stretch is relaxing and a beginner level so it's very easy to do. This was aided by Discovery Channel's back stretch article.

How to get into it:

Lay on your back with your legs flat on the ground. Bring both legs up your chest. Then, grab the underside of your knees. Hold this for 30-60 seconds (always at your own level!) and then release and lay flatly on the ground again.

#2 Thrust with a stronger core (the ab stretch)


Again, strong abdominals--as well as a strong pelvic floor--is beneficial for multiple areas of sex, including improved thrusting, as well as more powerful orgasms.

While this is a common stretch, it is also low impact and reaches many of the muscles throughout the stomach.

How to get into it:

Lay on your stomach with your arms at your side. Using your arms only as braces, lay your forearms on the ground by your side and pull your upper body up as if you are looking straight forward while your hips stay locked on the ground.

Once you stretch those upper stomach muscles, you can modify the exercise to extending your arms all the way so you are supported by your hands flat on the ground with your hips still locked down. You will notice you will have a much more severe arch and will feel the stretch from your upper stomach down to your pelvis. Hold for 15 seconds at first and repeat for a longer time if you can.

#3 Get your blood pumping (with glute muscule AKA butt stretches)

Butt muscles (also known as glutes and hamstrings) are absolute wonderful when you're getting into various positions, including woman-on-top. Also, workouts for your lower body can increase blood flow "In your [bodies'] Southern Hemisphere" says explains Debbie Mandel, MA, a stress and fitness expert and the author of, "Addicted to Stress: A Woman’s 7-Step Program to Reclaim Joy and Spontaneity in Life."

Some may find these more helpful than others but since your gluts are integral with your hips, back and hamstrings, it is good to add some focus to this part of your body for maximum flexibility and comfort.

How to get into it:

Lay on your back again with your legs at rest and your feet flat on the floor. Cross your left ankle over your right thigh and grab the underside of your right thigh. Pull your thigh to your stomach bringing your foot as far in as you can to your body. Hold for 15 seconds. Switch and repeat with your right ankle. The easier it feels the longer you can hold the position.


Brittany just moved to Chicago after finishing her degree from FSU and arrived with a thirst to learn about everything that has to do with sex. Having been involved with The F-Word, The Vagina Monologues, amateur drag and a Human Sexuality course, she is a very sex positive lady. When she's not admiring architecture or looking for a design job, Brittany does stand-up comedy and thinks of ways to make people on the CTA feel uncomfortable. She also eats high-fives for breakfast.  Follow her on twitter @sedanimal. E-mail her at brittany@getlusty.com.

Disclaimer: This information is solely for informational purposes. It is not intended to provide medical advice. Neither the Editors of GetLusty for Couples, Passionate Productions LLC, the author nor publisher take responsibility for any possible consequences from any treatment, procedure, exercise, dietary modification, action or application of medication which results from reading or following the information contained in this information. The publication of this information does not constitute the practice of medicine, and this information does not replace the advice of your physician or other health care provider. Before undertaking any course of treatment, the reader must seek the advice of their physician or other health care provider.

6 Types of Sit Ups for Better Posture

A key component of amazing sex is a healthy body! Have you ever noted how your posture influences your mood? What others think and feel about you?  When was the last time you did a situp, anyway? Well, you're right. A strong core--including stomach/ab muscles can greatly improve your posture. A good way to work those abs out? Sit ups! But not any ol' sit-ups. GetLusty staff writer and fitness writer, Arturo Chilaca, is here to talk about the first in his series on fitness for better sex. Six kinds of sit ups (that you may never have tried)!

Disclaimer: Please be mindful of your body. If something hurts, please don't keep doing it. Consult your doctor before trying a new fitness and diet regimen. Please don't sue GetLusty for Couples.

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A key factor to sexuality is your posture. Your stance alone can easily identify the kind of person you are. Whether you slouch over or stand with confidence. You don’t need to have the perfect face or body to be sexy. It’s all about confidence in your character and yourself. Sit-ups help with your posture as well as tone the muscles that both sexes find extremely attractive.

There are hundreds of sit-ups to do, but I am going to list some simple sit ups to advance that work out your abdominal muscles to the V cut which many people struggle to get. Either way, having a strong core is great for your mind, body and sexuality. So stay strong and start with these sit ups!

The order is from easiest to hardest. 

#1 The traditional sit-up

The easiest to start with you lay flat on the ground bend your knees and keep your feet flat on the ground. You keep your hands either behind your head hands interlaced or keep them in front of you crossed over your chest. If you’re a beginner, this exercise will require you to have someone hold your feet in place. If you are at that advance stage, do the sit up without anyone holding your feet. Make sure your feet aren't moving all over the place, though. Simply go up till your elbows pass your knees and go back down.

#2 Crunches

Similar to the sit up. The only difference is instead of going all the way up. You only go up half-way so using your abdominal muscles. You can also criss-cross each hand on your shoulders for slightly less support.

#3 Bicycles

You start similar to the sit up. Except now you lift your legs off the ground and keep them bent in the air. Your hands stay behind your head interlaced. You bring your left knee and right elbow to touch as close as you can while your right leg straightens out. Come back to the starting position and do the same for the right knee and left elbow. The faster you can do this work out the better, the more of a burn you feel.

#3 Bent leg raise

How to get into this one? Lay flat on your back knees bent and you place your hands at the lower part of your back. Then, bring your legs into your chest and then extend them outward, keeping your feet 6 inches above the ground and chin to your chest. Hold this position for 60 seconds, then bring them back into your chest and back to placing your feet flat on the floor again.

#4 Side bridge

For this exercise, start on your side stack. Your feet on top of each other and your forearm under your shoulder, your other hand placed over your belly button or on your hip. Lift your hips off the floor keep your body in a straight line from head to toe. Do this exercise for 60 seconds (or start off with 20 seconds and work your way up), then switch over to your side and repeat the same steps.

#5 V-Up

For the starting position, lay flat on the ground with your hands at a forty-five degree angle, palms facing downward. Your head is tucked into your chest about one to two inches off the ground. Then, raise your upper body and legs up in the shape of a V as your hands stay flat on the ground. Bring your body back down slowly keeping your head and feet off the ground. Your feet should be about two inches off the ground when returning to the start position. Start off with at least 10 to get a feel for the exercise.

#6 Leg tuck and twist

The starting position is you sitting down hands placed by your hips with your legs slightly off the ground creating a forty five degree angle with your body.

First, bring your legs to the left side of your body as close as you can. Then return to the starting position and have your legs go to right side. This is a four count sit up. That's considered one!

Well done, GetLusty readers. You've worked out your abs and gotten closer to having great health and a positive posture.

Arturo Chilaca has a wealth of knowledge on health. He's a workout buff, Army reserve and helping others become fit. Favorite things to do would be workout, basketball, helping other get into shape, and enjoying a good movie. Arturo is a very open-minded guy and he wants to make the most of life in gain new experiences constantly. Get in touch with him at editorial@getlusty.com

3 Stretches for Better Sex




Stretching for better sex? Yes. You heard right. Stretching can be relaxing and can also prepare you for a long, enjoyable sex session! Our newest staff writer and stretching enthusiast, Brittany Meyer, is here for the first in a two-part series on stretching for better sex.

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Comedienne Lynne Koplitz jokes that sex when you’re younger is an event—you prepare, stretch, eat lighter meals, etc. We find it laughable but why don’t we put more effort into preparing for sex? It is easy to see how needing to eat a lighter meal or going to the gym earlier that day could make obvious improvements in our sexual endeavors but so many people take these small tasks for granted. I can understand that we have many things happening in our lives ranging from fun to obligations that we cannot commit everything we do to our sex lives but we should all be taking small steps to help improve it.

While we use all the muscles in our body for sex, there are five muscle groups you should be focusing on: Hips, hamstrings, back, stomach and buttocks. The last three will be continued in the next article but try beginning with these two basic stretches focusing on the hips and hamstrings.

#1 Hips

This one is a personal favorite and will need to be adjusted based on your flexibility and possesses some cross over with stretching your thighs and back. It also takes a little longer than the other recommended stretches but once you take the time to open these muscles up, they will feel open for hours. This is a great stretch and has noticeable improvement the more you do it.

Sit on the ground with your feet pressed against each other and (within you limits) bring your feet in as close to your groin as you can. The shape your legs make will resemble anything from a square to a sharp diamond depending on your flexibility. Cup your hands over your feet and lean forward as far as you can. You will want to hold this for at least 1 minute. Take a break, stretch your legs forward, stretch your arms and repeat. The longer you can hold this and the closer you can bring your legs into your groin area the more you open up your hip muscles.

#2 Hamstrings

Nobody wants to pull a hammy and there are many exercises designated to prevent this. Below are two exercises, one more low impact and one that is a little more intense.

First: Sit with both legs straight in front of you. Start slow by pointing and flexing your toes towards the ceiling and forward. Once you feel comfortable, slide your arms forward down your legs as if you are trying to grab your feet. Go your own pace—if you can grab your feet, great! If not, make a goal to touch your knees or your mid calves. Hold this for 30 at a time and then relax. Repeat 2-3 times or whatever is within you comfort zone.

Second: This can be boiled down to being called a modified lunge. Stand with both legs together and step one of your feet out in front of you, forming a 90 degree angle with your bent knee. Place your hands on your hips for balance and do your best to keep your body straight. Hold for 5-10 seconds and repeat with opposite leg. I recommend doing 5 on each leg to feel results but do not overexert yourself, this can be a physically draining exercise if done too much.

Doing these exercises regularly will improve energy levels and enable you to have longer, more sensational sex. If you feel awkward about warming up in front of your partner, allot yourself some private time when you get home from work to try these out or wake up early and try them in another room. Even better, this could be a good way for the two of you to get more active together! The more comfortable you get with these, do some research to add another stretch every week. Regular upkeep with this routine will open the doors to a gym schedule and you will feel more comfortable and in shape than just starting from scratch. Just remember to work at your own pace and that this is a commitment to more gratifying sex for both of you.

Brittany just moved to Chicago after finishing her degree from FSU and arrived with a thirst to learn about everything that has to do with sex. Having been involved with The F-Word, The Vagina Monologues, amateur drag and a Human Sexuality course she is a very sex positive lady. When she's not admiring architecture or looking for a design job, Brittany does stand-up comedy and thinks of ways to make people on the CTA feel uncomfortable. She also eats high-fives for breakfast. Follow her on twitter @sedanimal. E-mail her directly at brittany@getlusty.com.

Can I Be Multi-Orgasmic Again?

It's Orgasm October, so we've received several great questions particularly on orgasm. Occasionally, we get questions from readers that need special attention. This question was asked to us recently and we thought this might have happened to others in our audience. Moushumi Ghose, the Los Angeles Sex Therapist and our resident lady-who-knows-all is here to answer our readers' question.

* * *

Dear GetLusty,

I used to be multi-orgasmic. Now find I come once every great while. It's caused me a lot of frustration, stress, and heartache.

I love my partner and we've tried to communicate, try new positions, and do things differently to see if we can find the elusive bugger.

But it seems to simply be impossible for me anymore and my sex desire is definitely suffering after four years of this frustration. I will try to explore with more curiosity, but is there a possibility that I'm somehow physically "damaged"?

The reason I ask is I can hardly ever find an orgasm even during masturbation now! This all happened after having the Mirena IUD inserted, (and remains a problem after having it removed). When I first got the IUD it pinched the hell out of my insides every time I came, and that's about when I stopped coming. After its removal I was able to orgasm again, occasionally. But never with the power or consistency of before. I'm not seeing any conversation about this anywhere online--it concerns me because they are really "pushing" that device on women--even after I had it removed they continue to ask if I want a new one. I asked my doctor whether it could have affected my Os, and he brushed off the question after flushing red with embarrassment. Have you heard of this?

Signed,
Hoping for more

Dear Hoping for more,

This is a great question. I am not a medical doctor, but from a psychological standpoint it is absolutely possible that your experience with the IUD has remained in your mental muscle memory. For example, you mention that you experienced feeling pinched when you orgasm’d and despite having removed it, you haven’t been able to return. In psychological terms we call this trauma.

The trauma of being pinched becomes a part of your past experience and now may be a psychological block to orgasming. You may be, unconsciously of course, afraid of the pain. Now this is, only, one theory. If there is some medical issue, a doctor would need to check it out. Since your doctor was embarrassed, I would recommend getting a second opinion to rule out any medical condition. Then, if this is indeed psychological, you can start to repair your brain. Trying new positions is one way, but you really need to feel safe and relaxed again.

Without those two components you are not going to orgasm. You also need to reconnect with your body. Practice breathing, is my first suggestion. Close your eyes and take 3 long deep inhales and exhales. Do this regularly throughout your day, when you’re at a stop light, at your desk, etc. Checking in with your breathing is the first step to becoming more in tune with what's going on inside your body.

My next suggestion is to, instead of trying new positions, try more sensual exercises that involve touch, massage, taking a bath, lightening candles, using scented oils, etc and involve the other senses such as smell, taste, and get reacquainted with all the things that bring you pleasure.

You can do these alone or with a partner. Also, putting less emphasis on orgasm, and more emphasis on the other aspects of love making is a good idea. Such as kissing, hugging, touching. Pay attention to how all of these sensations feel. Go slow, make your goal to feel pleasure, not to achieve orgasm, and you might be on your way to healing your inner pain.

Good luck,
Mou

This is a guest post from the well acclaimed Moushumi Ghose.

Moushumi Ghose is a Sex Therapist, Educator and Coach, Radio Host, Musician, and Filmmaker. She is licensed by the California Board of Behavioral  Science. She is a member of AASECT (American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists). Mou also has extensive experience working with a variety of populations and diverse lifestyles.

Moushumi recently completed an eBook on, "Marriage, Money and Porn." and writes extensively for numerous other sites ranging from Men's Fitness Magazine to GoodTherapy.org. Find her on Twitter @motor_amourFacebook and her website LASexTherapist.com.

Don't forget to comment below! Send them over to reply@getlusty.com and we'll get them answered!

Men! How to Have Multiple Orgasms (NSFW)



We've talked so much about ladies orgasming, but what about for the male perspective? Are multiple orgasms even possible for gents? We wanted to find out. So, of course, we did our homework with diligent research and are here to present you the results! We'll be addressing more issues around orgasm for men throughout the month, so do stay tuned! Our interested intern Brendan White reports.

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There are plenty of articles out there with regard to female orgasms but what's out there for us guys? Convinced your man is a one-trick pony? WRONG! Men's orgasms are not simply the discharge of DNA. As part of Orgasm October, I'll be talking about the male multiple orgasm!

Oh yes, multiple orgasms are possible!

It is possible for every man to experience multiple male orgasms. Understanding multiple male orgasms can only improve pleasure for both partners in lovemaking, not to mention the health benefits of orgasms.  However, unlocking the ability to have multiple orgasms requires determination, practice and a lot of hard work.

Orgasm ≠ ejaculation

At the eye of the male multi-orgasm hurricane is the misconception that men orgasm and ejaculate at the same time. If that sounds like something you believe, quit it. Throw it out of your brain and make room for this: ejaculation can happen several seconds after an orgasm. A man can also orgasm without ejaculation - they don't have to go hand in hand. Some men may have additional orgasms without accompanying ejaculations.  The key is to reach an orgasm and to flex the good ole pubococcygeus muscle (or the PC muscle) before ejaculation for long enough to settle down, allowing you to feel the pleasure of an orgasm without softening up.

Use those PC muscles 

The PC muscle stretches from the pubic bone to the tail bone like a hammock. You can improve the strength of your PC muscle through Kegel exercises.

Strengthen your muscles with exercise 

Named after our friend Dr. Arnold Kegel, these exercises consist of voluntarily flexing your PC muscle (think that pulling feeling you feel if you try to stop urinating) while keeping your buttock and leg muscles relaxed. These exercises also help prevent male urinary incontinence, fight erectile dysfunction, reduce premature ejaculation AND increase the size and intensity of erections!

The great thing about this exercise is that you can do it anywhere you damn well please - stuck in traffic, talking to your mother, putt-putt golfing, pretending to do work in your office - you get the idea. The key, like any kind of muscle building, is to isolate the muscle. If your testicles and penis are rising a little, you're flexing your PC muscle, but try to relax and not squeeze your sphincter.

A weak PC muscle will be a hindrance in your quest to experience the male multiple orgasm because you'll need a strong PC muscle to prevent your penis from ejaculating after orgasming. Building up enough strength in your PC muscle will not happen in one frenzied night of binge pubococcygeus flexing - it will take several weeks to several months before you will be ready. The key is persistence. Think of yourself like a shaolin monk of sorts slowing punching through a wall.


Exercise. 
Then practice. 
Then exercise. 
Continue the process! Practice makes perfect!

The ideal amount of reps will be between 10-20 reps a few times a day. It's important to not rush yourself to avoid injury. After a week or two you should notice that you're completing your kegel training with more and more ease. When you reach this point, start holding the flexed PC muscle several seconds at a time during the reps.  Before you know it you'll be exploring the realm of multiple male orgasms!

Keep checking GetLusty for Couples for more helpful and informative articles during Orgasm October!

This article is by Business Outreach Intern and occasionally writer. Brendan White. Brendan is a Boston University graduate with a passion for all things historical and also all things sex. A recent Boston transplant to Chicago, Brendan has a musical mind and at one point toured the country. When he's not thinking about conquering feudal japan chances are he's playing loud rock n roll somewhere with other like-minded individuals. When he's not thinking about GetLusty he's spending time with his exceptionally lovely girlfriend. Want to get in touch with him? E-mail Brendan at brendan@getlusty.com.

Breast Cancer Awareness: 3 Tips for Prevention




It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month. That means men and women have the responsibility to think about breast cancer. How can we prevent it? This is our bodies; our lives. Our health is our livelihood. Without great health, it's impossible to think, feel and be sexy. So this is a public service announcement. Think about it. Prevent breast cancer. GetLusty's Tia reports.

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It’s October. For most people, red leaves, cute new sweaters, and Halloween come to mind. For some of us, our boobies become a priority. After all, it is Breast Cancer Awareness month. On average, one out of every eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime. Although breast cancer is the second leading cause of death amongst women, death rates have been declining since 1990. However, breast cancer will continue to exist as a burden on both men and women’s lives across the world. So in honor of those who have experienced breast cancer themselves or in their families, we’re going to talk about preventative care.

Below are three preventive tips in the fight against breast cancer:

#1 Know your medical history. 

Ask your mom and dad if they know of anyone in their family that had a type of cancer and specifically, breast cancer. Because there is no exact reference in diagnosing the cause of this particular type of disease, genetics, family history, and personal changes in the body all need to be examined.

#2 Know your tits. 

If you’re experiencing liquid coming out of your nipples and you’re not nursing or pregnant, contact your doctor. If your breasts get a little more lumpy or sore during your period, that could be normal.

During your period, your breasts could appear to feel more sensitive or even look bigger. All of these are normal, but they may not be normal for you depending on your age and time of month. My best advice is to always have a yearly breast examination after the age of 20. After the age of 35, depending on your medical history, your doctor may request you come every 6-8 months. Either way, listen to your healthcare provider. Their job is to help your body stay healthy.

#3 Touch yourself. Down there and up top! 

There are a couple of ways to do a breast self-exam. One way includes lifting your right arm and using your left hand as the examination tool. Use three fingers and start from the armpit. With or without hair, you should be able to feel any lumps by moving your fingers in a circular motion.

Don’t be alarmed if you feel texture underneath the skin—that’s normal. However, if you feel a pea-sized lump, I’d go ahead to the other side and see if the other side has it too. No body is the same and sometimes, the body produces fat cells and our lymph nodes can become swollen. Now, take those three fingers and that circular motion and go across the breast. Then, switch hands and do the other one. Because changes occur at different times of the month, practice doing it while you are on your period and while you aren’t and see if there are any changes. Simply being aware of your own body could save your life.

I know this article probably didn't make your nipples hard. I get it. It’s a touchy subject (literally). However, it’s important to not only know this stuff, but to practice it. Not only for women, but for the one percent of men who get breast cancer too. For the curious men out there reading this: get to know your woman’s breasts. In many cases, you’ll be the only one giving them the attention they deserve. For the woman, with her hand up her shirt reading this: the next time you see your mister, go ahead and slowly rub his chest. You might have to explain why, but trust me, it’s worth the explanation.

Call her Tia. She's a recent graduate of the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. During her college career, she was part of a volunteer group called the Sexual Health Peers where she bonded with like-minded, sex-positive people from various backgrounds and orientations. She has taught workshops on STDs, birth control, safe sex, and relationships. It was one of the highlights of her college career and allowed her to get involved in Planned Parenthood of Illinois in Action. She was a Campaign Organizer who stood for the reproductive rights of women in Illinois.

As a third-wave feminist, she currently works in the makeup industry promoting what she believes in: women should feel and be as beautiful as they want to without scrutiny. She believes in teaching factual and healthy outlooks on sex and relationships as a way to create a sex-positive culture where future generations can thrive.

Why Can't I Keep an Erection?

Happy Monday GetLusty readers! Hope your weekend was orgasmic!? In order the start off this week off right, Dr. Dick is here with more answers to your sexual questions! Dr. Dick is one of our favorite sexual educators from Seattle who has over 30 years of practice. Today, Dr. Dick explores the connection between sexual intimacy and sexual performance for our gentlemen readers.

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Name: James
Gender: Male
Age: 45
Location: Canada

Dr. Dick,

During my teenage years I had a few girlfriends and enjoyed having sex with them. There were never any problems. However at around age 20, while still in college, I began to experience sexual dysfunction with my partners after the second or third time we would have intercourse. What do I do?

Signed,
Frustrated James


Dear Frustrated James,

The symptoms were: I’d be horny, have a good erection, but a few minutes into intercourse my penis would start to feel numb and I'd either not be able to have an orgasm or I would lose my erection. I would also start to feel sexually repulsed by my partner. This pattern continued for the next 15 years as a single man. I thought I was simply easily sexually bored and dealt with the problem by breaking off the relationship as soon as the sexual dysfunction would start and move on to someone new. One night stands and new partners were never a problem.

It just happened after we would have a few dates. It also happened when I met my future wife. It didn’t seem to bother her that much although, she thought it might be a good idea to make an appointment to see the doctor about it. After we were married we basically stopped having sex (we weren’t having much to begin with) because it just proved too stressful, humiliating and it had no payoff for me. I started seeing therapists and for the next eight years I went through seven different therapists including marital counselors, sex therapists and psychiatrists.

Now I have been married almost 15 years and the marriage has been sexless. My wife doesn’t like it but has made her peace with it. I can masturbate with no problems at all and have been told by doctors there is nothing physically wrong with me. But none of the therapists were able to pinpoint what was causing my sexual problem. I have had a few sexual encounters outside of my marriage over the years and the sex was great, no problems at all. Mind you none of these “affairs” lasted very long, a half dozen sexual encounters at most. Any ideas what might be causing this inability to ejaculate and inability to keep an erection, plus the feeling of sexual revulsion with a partner after two or three sexual encounters?

Dr. Dick: Yikes James, you just recounted 25 years of deep seeded psychological problems and you expect me to make an insightful comment in the precious little time I can afford any one of my correspondent. That’s a pretty tall order; don’t you think?

Ok, for all it’s worth, here it goes. My guess is that you don’t have a sexual dysfunction at all. But you do have a huge rift between your sexual life and your intimate life. And this expresses itself in the ways you outlined above.

Many people who have difficulty with intimacy can still perform sexually pretty much like everyone else. Obviously the performance thing is not dependent on the intimacy thing. In these cases, sex is rarely more than a mechanical bodily function — get it up, get it on, get it off, the end. The hard part comes when these people try to ground these mechanics in a healthy emotional context.

The fact that you can’t bone the same person more then a couple of times without revulsion, and that you can only tolerate your long-suffering wife if your marriage remains sexless, tells me you need to investigate why you can’t connect sexual expression with intimacy. You exhibit all the classic signs of a sexual dysfunction, but they’re only symptomatic of a much more profound disability. And you’ll never get to the bottom of dysfunctions until you get to the root of your intimacy issue.

When I see a person, like you, in my therapy practice, I try to help my client overcome his/her rift by encouraging him/her to gradually increase the amount of intimacy he is comfortable with every sexual encounter. It’s a simple behavior modification technique. It often is very successful, but most of my clients are highly motivated to heal the fracture in their life. Also, they don’t have a 25-year history of this to overcome.

You on the other hand, don’t seem to be particularly motivated. I can see that you’re curious about your sexual problems, but you’re not making that all important connection between your bodily functions and your emotion capacity. There’s a blockage there that is so ingrained it would be very difficult to undo. It could happen, but you’d have to be very passionate about making it happen and then stick with the therapeutic intervention until there was a breakthrough. This no doubt would involve reversing a lifetime of selfishness and egotism. And I see no evidence that you have that kind of moxy.

Good luck,
Dr. Dick

Originally posted at Dr. Dick's Sex Advice

This is a guest post from Richard Wagner, Ph.D., ACS - aka Dr Dick, sexologist, author, educator, syndicated sex advice columnist and publisher of Dr Dick's Sex Advice and Dr Dick Sex Toy Reviews. He's been a practitioner of Sex Therapy and Relationship Counseling for over 30 years.

Richard Wagner (Dr. Dick) affirms the fundamental goodness of sexuality in human life, both as a personal need and as an interpersonal bond. He knows the unhappiness and anxiety, which sex-negative attitudes can engender in individuals, alienating them from their own body and the bodies of others.

Find Dr. Dick on Twitter @DrDickSexAdvice.
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