Orgasm Series #3: Discovering Your G-Spot (NSFW)

Orgasm October is turning out to be such a fun month here at GetLusty! With many orgasms a women and men can experience, this should be not only an informative month for you but also a fun one!

Our favorite enlightened sexpot, Anne Brown, is back to talk about G-spot orgasms! She has already gone in-depth about the clitoral orgasm, so the next obvious choice is to feature the G-spot orgasm. Don't know what or where the hell it is? Well, Anne is here to lead us on an orgasm journey and hopefully after reading this, you will be on your way to discovering your own G-spot!

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Discovering the G-spot

Guys! Remember that time I was really super funny and said “Tour de Foreskin” and then we went on one? Let’s do it again with the G-spot because I have the best analogy ever.

Ok, so remember in Winnie-the-Pooh when Christopher Robin leads an "expotition" to the North Pole? If you don’t that’s ok because there’s a two-sentence summary on Winniepedia (oh my god there’s a Winniepedia). What the summary and I are both going to tell you is that Christopher Robin led an expedition to the North Pole full of adventure. Roo falls into the river but Pooh gets him out with a really long stick thing and Christoper Robin cheers “Pooh, you did it! You found the North Pole!” and everyone goes home triumphant. YES, in fact, the Expotition to the North Pole is exactly what it’s like to find the G-spot!

Personally, I was confused about the supposed so-called “elusive” G-spot for the longest while, as I’m sure were most of you. Frankly, I was terrified of the G-spot the first time I heard of it. The G-spot was my Heffalump. It seemed far too powerful, scary and of nebulous shape-too much so to be actually part of this world without making me feel uncomfortable. Then I started having sex and kind of forgot about it, which was probably the best thing to do if you want to actually “find” it, which is what we are going to do now.

An expedition to the G-Spot is like the Expotition to the North Pole: we ultimately need to choose to declare we have found the G-spot, which will be what we expect the G-spot to be, whether or not it’s actually the actual-actual G-spot. Let’s look at some maps.

G-spot location

The G-spot is approximately right somewhere around an inch or a few inches inside the female body and right around part of the urethra.

Typically, sex advice media says one can access it by putting pressure on the inside upper part of the vaginal opening. Go in a few inches more, with a finger or two fingers or some other implement. The skin on the inside of the vaginal wall at that place feels like the outside of a walnut– everything else around it is smooth. Deborah Sundahl and Cosmo both say that every vagina-owning person has a G-spot and can have G-spot orgasms, but let’s talk about this for a second.

How to reach G-spot orgasm

G-spot orgasms, we’re often told, are the choicest of orgasms. They’re supposed to feel more spacious than clitoral orgasms– more spread out in the body and more "release-y", more eyes-fireworks and screaming. This type of orgasm sounds and is fantastic, but imagine if (or maybe you are!) someone who has tried to stimulate a G-spot time after time and none of this has happened: it can make you feel like something is wrong with you, and/or it can turn any type of sex/masturbation into a goal-oriented activity that will make it even harder to relax and find anything very pleasurable.

I really like Sex Nerd Sandra’s information and advice, and I like her the very most in this G-spot video that is 1.5 minutes long so you should have no trouble watching.

She pretty much covers everything:

• The body needs to be very aroused before the G-spot will be able to do its thing (if it does), 
• There are tons of areas in and around the vagina that can feel awesome and this is just one of them, and 
• Some people might not even like the same sensation that they’re being told is supposed to be so pleasurable. 
• Overall, her advice is to “just poke around and play around in there," which are orders that we on our expedition will have no trouble taking!

Sex Nerd Sandra’s advice makes ambiguity and a little skepticism sound like a reasonable and fruitful way to approach the G-spot expedition, because it accounts for individual experience and takes away any pressure that a vagina-owner might feel.

When science says that the G-spot might or might not exist, though, I get a little ruffled. I understand that studies that come up inconclusive could serve to relax those vagina-owners who are worried about not being able to find their G-spot/experience those magical G-spot orgasms, but what they seem to do in reality is stir up the “I have awesome orgasms from my G-spot” base and create an unnecessarily polemic atmosphere in orgasm land. Readers, media summarizers and spin-doctors of all types can use these studies as ways to legitimize and delegitimize certain types of pleasure, which can do a lot of harm.

I know I didn’t mention squirting (which is associated with G-spot orgasms), because I am saving it for another post. However, we do have a quick run-down of squirting here. Anyway, I hope you guys are all closer to finding the North Pole: this is the part of the expedition in which I leave you all to your vaginas-of-choice and you “poke and play around in there” and see if anything magic happens.

References:

• “The G-Spot: Science Can’t Find It After 60 Years, Study Says” (with this great line: ”The G-spot is more of a thing like New York City is a thing,”– which I interpret differently than I think the scientist meant it)
• Deborah Sundahl
• The Sex Nerd Sandra G-spot video!!
• Lady Cheeky

Check out the original post The Enlightened Sexpot.

Anne blogs from her base in Boston as The Enlightened Sexpot and works at the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health in Pawtucket, RI.

Originally from Seattle, she studied Spanish and Latin American literature/film/art at Dartmouth College while also obtaining a teaching certificate in Kindergarten- 8th grade.

In addition to her interest in any and all things sex-related, Anne is a huge NPR nerd, book nerd, and an enthusiastic spin class participant. You can follow her on twitter @shinysex and also check out her blog, the Enlightened Sexpot.

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Ladies! Multiple Orgasms 101

It's no secret that GetLusty For Couples loves vulva's, the clitoris and the vagina. Gosh, we love all areas of our female bodies! So when we have the chance to publish an article on multiple orgasms. Well, we're tickled. Anne Brown, of the Enlightened Sexpot, is back with more orgasmic writing. What about? You guessed it, orgasms! In honor of Orgasm October which is just around the corner, she is here to discuss the mystery of multiple orgasms.

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Some canny readers may have noticed that I alluded to the totally awesome ability for vagina-owners to experience multiple orgasms in my last post on clitoral orgasms.

If you said, “Oh yes, multiple orgasms, please!” when I mentioned an orgasm in which “you don’t want to short-change the zings,” guess what Holmes? You win. Why? Because it only dawned on me a week later that the phrase “multiple orgasms” even applied in that situation.

The ability to have multiple orgasms was kind of on a pedestal in my brain. I thought that being “multi-orgasmic” was some special trick that only the real experts could master. The problem with this–and anything sexual on a pedestal (see the Cosmo article Multiple O’s: Why One Orgasm is Never Enough)– is that “multiple orgasms” then are only special because they can’t belong to just anyone.

Fuck the pedestal, guys. Multiple orgasms, virginity, whatever, the things are special if you have made your own personal choice to decide that they are special for you. I’ve said this already: every sexual experience that gives an individual pleasure is legitimate. If you’re not having multiple orgasms, you’re not “missing out”. That said, if you’re interested in how they work and/or how your favorite vagina(s) can feel more than one orgasm in a session, keep reading!

For penises

Before we begin: penis-owners, I haven’t forgotten you. I just need to get my hands on this book and do a little other research before I can write anything more in-depth about the penis’s ability to have multiple orgasms, which involve learning to orgasm without ejaculating (they are actually already separate things– in many male bodies it’s normal to feel the orgasm begin before ejaculation starts).

When penises ejaculate with orgasm, there follows what is called a, "refractory period" in which they become not interested in sex. This refractory period varies in time from person to person and will change with age, libido, stress, etc. Vaginas might ejaculate sometimes, but they don’t have refractory periods. Some clits feel painful when touched right after orgasm, but this isn’t an actual physiological refractory period–it’s just a clitoris that is really sensitive at the time.

Even that painful clitoris is capable of being stimulated to orgasm (if done very carefully with permission). Just like with one orgasm, all pussies are completely physically capable of having multiples, it’s just a matter of whether or not that particular pussy has discovered the best way to do it yet.

Debunking Cosmo

That Cosmo article I linked to earlier is only disguising itself as helpful, and I hope you didn’t read it before reading this.

First of all, the title puts pressure on the reader to want and work towards multiple orgasms, even if there is vague do-what-feels-good language inside the article.

Second, multiple orgasms are only talked about in the context of heterosexual penis-in-vagina intercourse, and it asserts that oral sex before intercourse and/or lots and lots of penis-thrusting are the “most common” ways that vaginas have multiple orgasms. Talk about being scared of maybe girls getting pleasure not from their “man”.

It sets itself up with a faux-cutesy “sorry, dudes– girls totally have you beat because we can have multiple orgasms” attitude that the author may have thought was empowering. I don’t feel good when I make other people feel not as adequate and/or give erroneous information so, Cosmo go away. The only good information in this piece was the definition of two different types of multiple orgasms that vagina-owners can experience: sequential and serial.

Sequential and serial orgasms 

Sequential multiple orgasms are orgasms that are only seconds apart– they are, in fact, what I was talking about when I said do not stop doing whatever you are doing because of the zings, etc. As a reminder and to qualify: these types of orgasms, which feel like one extended zig-zag of wantwant-orgasm!-wantwant-orgasm! to infinity and beyond, happen when the person in question is really super-aroused and there has been lots and lots and lots of foreplay (“of her choice”, thanks Wikipedia!).

This could potentially happen with lots of penis-thrusting for the high-estimate 30% of female bodies who come from vaginal intercourse alone, but for the vast majority, extra-thrustular stimulation will be involved. Dr. Ruth’s Encyclopedia of Sex (informative, not always as inclusive/ sex-positive as I would like) cites a couple of big-name studies in which average women experienced up to 50 sequential orgasms using vibrators. Tongues and fingers are also great, duh.

Serial multiple orgasms happen a few minutes apart, and vagina-owners get to demonstrate their ability to rapidly move through the human sexual response cycle of excitement-plateau-orgasm-resolution. While sequential orgasms bounce between plateau (wantwant) and orgasm (!), the experience of serial multiple orgasms allows a longer period to pass–one to several minutes– between each orgasm, and the entire cycle repeats itself. Re-excitement through a continuation of foreplay activities before the resolution phase totally sets in, leads to another plateau and then an orgasm. It might be a different-feeling orgasm than the last one, but that still “counts” as a multiple, just like having goal-oriented “I-want-an-orgasm-of-this-type” sex still “counts” as “not being fully appreciative of your/your partner’s body."

Qualities of those who have multiple orgasms

The 50-orgasm women in the studies cited by Dr. Ruth all had one thing in common: what seemed to be a “healthy, uninhibited sexuality”.

If I extrapolate correctly, this means that they didn’t feel shame about what they wanted or were experiencing, that they felt they were in a safe place where they didn’t need to have their guard up. If they were alone my guess would be that they stayed focused on themselves, had positive thoughts about their pleasure, and saw the experience as an exploration, not an achievement.

Additionally, if they were with a partner, this partner was probably someone that had made them to feel safe; feel cared about; someone who believed that their pleasure was important and not something “extra” or something to get out of the way. Truly “uninhibited” sex isn’t crazy sex where everyone does everything (necessarily), but instead sex in which a person and their partner feel connected to and totally accepting of themselves and the other. This kind of sex can and does happen with both strangers and married people: it’s all about the individual attitudes involved.

Did you know that anyone can have an orgasm? Like really, really anyone? Like even people with paralysis or who have experienced genital mutilation can learn to have orgasms through non-genital stimulation? I don’t want to say that “anyone” can have multiple orgasms because I don’t have enough information, but with the knowledge that anyone can experience orgasm it seems like it’s possible. Bodies and brains are awesome. I’m so glad I have my very own one of each.

References:

• Westheimer, Dr. Ruth (1994). ”Dr. Ruth’s encyclopedia of sex”. New York, Continuum.
• Ryan, Christopher and Jethá, Calcida (2010). ”Sex at dawn: How we mate, why we stray, and what it means for modern relationships”. New York, Harper Collins
• Go Ask Alice (Columbia advice column)
• Healthcentral.com Multiple Orgasms
• Human Sexual Response Cycle via Wikipedia
• Refractory Period (sex) via Wikipedia

Check out the original post The Enlightened Sexpot.


Anne blogs from her base in Boston as The Enlightened Sexpot and works at the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health in Pawtucket, RI.

Originally from Seattle, she studied Spanish and Latin American literature/film/art at Dartmouth College while also obtaining a teaching certificate in Kindergarten- 8th grade.

In addition to her interest in any and all things sex-related, Anne is a huge NPR nerd, book nerd, and an enthusiastic spin class participant. You can follow her on twitter @shinysex and also check out her blog, the Enlightened Sexpot.

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Clitoral Orgasm 101: a Mini-Guide

Orgasm October is coming. Oh my. I didn't even plan that. So, of course, we can't wait. I know--it's Fifty Shades of Grey September. But, duh, there are so many ecstatic orgasms in there, too.

This is part of what necessarily needs to be a multiple part exploration of the anatomy. Want to achieve different types of orgasms? Know your anatomy! This post by Anne Brown focuses on clitoral orgasms for vagina-owners and vagina-lovers. What arousal looks like, tips getting your or your partner’s pussy ready for clitoral stimulation, what clitoral orgasms might feel like to you/your partner and why. Anne Brown reports.

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Our overarching rule: All vaginas are different. 

I’ve tried to be on the “safe” side when describing arousal and clitoral stimulation, so your vagina might like more or less pressure, mechanical stimulation or otherwise. Something else fun and special and that is totally normal. Having trouble having an orgasm is also very normal and under no circumstances should anyone ever say that “this will make someone come” because that would put terrible pressure on you/your partner and that is not what we want. We want you to become enlightened about pussies!

I don’t want to say that I’ve had a clitoris for my “whole life” because I am not about to talk about how sex organs develop in a fetus and I don’t want to get into the when-does-life-begin territory.

So instead: I am a clitoris-owner–have been for a long time–and I just learned that the clit isn’t just the little hard bulb that may or may not peek out when a woman is aroused. Actually, that little head is just the tip of this way bigger thing that goes underneath the inner labia! Look at this diagram– the dark pink parts are all clitoris-material!


Check out the anatomic map!

See the darker lines that trace down over the ‘glans clitoris’ and end together at the bottom? That’s the clitoral hood and the vaginal opening.

Doesn’t it kind of look like a flying penis?  Like a little penis with big wings flapping on a downward-flap like a drawing of a bird on those beach scenes you drew in 6th grade?

I was hoping you would notice because guess what: a penis develops in utero from the clitoris. Penises are sensitive all over the place but especially on the tip and guess what again: a clitoris is the same way. When a developing fetus becomes male, the outer labia on a vagina stick together to make a ball sack. That is why there is a seam on the scrotum if you’ve ever been in a position to notice that seam. Developing humans are pretty economical, guys!

Notice the nub

Just like the penises they sometimes engender, clitorises get erections when they want some sex. They might poke out and look like a little nub from under the hood, they might feel very firm to the touch underneath the hood, or they might stick out a long way. All three are normal.

Other physiological signs of vagina-arousal include blood-filled, pumped-up labia that have changed color (any color is a normal color!) and increased wetness. Wetness varies from person to person and from day to day, though, so while “this is definitely wet” is aroused, “not immediately apparent wet” isn’t necessarily a sign of not-aroused.

A quick note on dont's

If you are interested pleasing a chosen pussy, whether it be your own or someone else’s, do not–I REPEAT– do not stick anything straight on the tip of that clit unless you are very, very sure that this particular clit will like it. Checking for physical signs of arousal before touching the clitoris directly will help avoid any pain. If you are a good scientist and your “Is the pussy aroused enough for orgasm?” data seems incomplete, you can do some things to ensure that you are on the right track to helping the pussy experience a clitoral orgasm.

So many parts of the body that are not the clitoris feel nice to be touched and will arouse sexy feelings in the clitoris by proxy. Whether you are dealing with your own or someone else’s, good places to start are body-touches that could be near the zone of the clitoris. A thigh-or boob-squeeze, some nice petting and/or cuddling, some kissing.

Take your time

Even if you are in a partner-sex situation and sex has already been happening in other ways, the receiver of clitoris-pleasure needs to be relaxed/safe/happy-feeling, so take your time. When you’re ready to move to the vagina area of the body, start by petting or kissing the inner thighs and labia, and then use your tongue/fingers/vibrator/whatever and maybe try going between the inner and outer labia–closer to those legs of the clitoris!

And touch the vaginal opening. Another thing to avoid doing unless you know your chosen pussy likes it, is to just jab something into that vagina-opening. If you are going to do that, go slowly. If the vagina doesn’t seem that wet, wisely use some lube, making sure that it is not cold. You’ll want the clitoris to be wet when you touch it, anyway.  Check out all Vulva Lovely's wearable vulva jewelery on Flickr.

Moving onto the clit, start by feeling on top of the hood or on the sides for hardness. Press down. Listen to the noises your partner is making/ask so you know what feels good! If you are a pussy-owner stimulating yourself, think about whether something feels good for you or you just “think it should” and get rid of the “should's”. You can play with the clit with that skin on the hood/around it as a barrier if it’s is too sensitive to touch directly.

Don't forget to talk

Different pussies like different touching, so talk, listen and make noises and pay attention! Some people like a lot of pressure, or a little. Some people like fast vibration-feeling sensation and some prefer slow, more pulse-like movements. Every clit will like wet. On average it takes 20 minutes of clitoral stimulation to have a clitoral orgasm.

However, it’s definitely different for different people/times so don’t try to put a time limit on yourself/partner and don’t feel bad if it’s taking a long time. Since we’re just talking about clitoral orgasms, I’m not going into the fingers/penis/implement inside the pussy at all. Why? I don’t want any confusion with g-spot stimulation, which works for some and not others in varying degrees. Your chosen pussy might like something inside of it even if most of the action is on the clit and outside the body.

You can try a ton of things at the beginning, but once you find something that is really feeling good for your chosen pussy stick with it and keep doing the same thing. When climax is near, the clit does not want anything new! It wants that exact same thing that is making it feel so close to orgasm.

Orgasm time

Orgasm Time! Orgasms are the result of a ton of tension leaving the body at once. Kegel exercises help orgasms be felt more strongly because the stronger the muscles around the vagina, the more tense they can clench and the more dramatic their release.

Clitoral orgasms feel different at different times. Sometimes orgasms can feel like just a little zing and/or warmth in the clitoris/vagina-opening area (think of the legs!). Sometimes they feel like a big spreading of zinging and/or warmth that spreads to the upper thighs/chest/other parts of the body. Sometimes the orgasm is so strong that the muscles twitch all over the place–this is the pudendal nerve’s fault!

Some clitoral orgasms can move up and do the fireworks-in-the-eyes thing, but the big, showy ones probably won’t happen every time. Some will last one second and some will last 10-15 seconds. People are capable of many types, and so it doesn’t help for anyone to have one type of orgasm in mind! Any orgasm-experience, almost orgasm-experience and intimate experience in general is worth appreciating just the way it is. The easiest way to kill an orgasm is for anyone is to make an orgasm or specific type of orgasm a “goal” of a particular act. Orgasm shouldn't always be the goal. That's stressful!

References

• Cage, Diana (2012). Mind-Blowing Sex: A Woman’s Guide. Berkeley, CA: Seal Press
• Sex Nerd Sandra. (Nerdist.com). (2012, May, 15). Orgasms for Everybody! [Audio Podcast]
• Sex Nerd Sandra. (Nerdist.com). (2011, November, 2). Stress Relief [Audio Podcast].

Check out the original post The Enlightened Sexpot.

Anne blogs from her base in Boston as The Enlightened Sexpot and works at the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health in Pawtucket, RI.

Originally from Seattle, she studied Spanish and Latin American literature/film/art at Dartmouth College while also obtaining a teaching certificate in Kindergarten- 8th grade.

In addition to her interest in any and all things sex-related, Anne is a huge NPR nerd, book nerd, and an enthusiastic spin class participant. You can follow her on twitter @shinysex and also check out her blog, the Enlightened Sexpot.

Read more »