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5 Tips to Reignite Your Sexual Spark

We love writing about relationships. Long-term relationships need to work that much harder to stay strong, committed, and connected! That's why we believe in dating your spouse, finding creative ways to say "I love you" and the importance of touch in your relationship. Now, we've talked about keeping your sex life spicy! Here, she helps us reignite that spark we may lose as the colder months loom ahead! GetLusty's Bethany Kibblesmith reports.

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This time of year, when the days get shorter and the temperature starts dropping and everything starts to get frantic during the holiday season, your energy levels will drop. Your time will be stretched every which way. But that’s no excuse for boring sex!

Here’s five tantalizing tips for reigniting that spark:

#1 Touch

Many people are very tactile; touch and feel can be extremely stimulating. When it comes to intimacy, touch can be very important. When humans are aroused, blood rushes to your skin, making you flushed and heightening your physical responses to physical sensations. That means a pinch, caress, a slap on the butt, or a stroke of the hair, feels much more intense than it would normally be felt.

Concentrate on feeling. Close your eyes and direct your partner to touch you exactly how you want to be touched. Too shy to be that direct? Concentrate on the normal caresses that come with your standard foreplay and lovemaking. If you’re feeling especially frisky and adventurous, bring in some different soft things to stimulate each other with. Feathers, silk scarves or ties or even especially soft cotton sheets can totally change your sexual experience.

#2 Relax 

This one might seem obvious, but hear me out. You’ve got to eliminate any distractions before you start getting intimate. Climax and sexual fulfillment aren’t like firecrackers; you can’t just light a fuse and kapow! Have you got noisy neighbors? Put on some music.

I don’t recommend whale songs or dubstep (unless dubstep is sexy to you and your partner, no judging). Turn off the TV, which shouldn’t be in the bedroom anyhow, close the laptop or power down the iPad, shut the book and empty your mind of all the sundry things in your life. If there’s something so crucial that you can’t stop thinking about it long enough to have attentive, respectful, relaxed and peaceful sex, maybe you shouldn’t have sex ‘til you take care of it. When you’re having sex, the only thing you should be thinking of is how awesome it feels. Whatever it is that takes you to that relaxed place, be it a few yoga poses, some tea, receiving or giving oral sex, do what it takes to make your mind a blank slate.

#3 Create a wish list

This one is probably the most fun. Think of this one as basically a sex-based wish list. Compile a little list of positions, locations, and maybe acts you’d like to incorporate more. Maybe in the beginning, your partner often played with your breasts, and hasn’t done so lately. Add it to your list! Playing around with a sexy list is an easy way to keep track of things you want to try, or things that would enhance sex for you.

The only suggestion I would have for this one is to think back to the times you can remember having really awesome sex, and figure out what about those times that made sex so enjoyable. Generally just let your mind go wild. Thigh highs, handcuffs or lickable foods, maybe watch some porn together. Map out your next sexual encounter, utilizing positions and props you’d like to try. If you have a sexual fantasy you feel safe sharing and exploring, this would be the perfect way to open up about it, and learn what your partner is longing for, too!

#4 Do some pretending

Halloween has come and past but that doesn't mean you can't role play. Already switched up locales and lights, so now I’m going to go one further. Switch up your approach to sex. Is it usually slow, gentle, and sensual? Well, then throw in some dirty talk, moan your heart out and grab a handful of his butt, tug on his hair, and nip at his nipples. If you’re inclined to be uninhibited in your sexcapades, then take it the other direction.

Play it demurely; undress shyly, like you’ve never done it in front of anyone before and look at your partner with fresh eyes, at all the parts you’ve memorized already. Explore slowly the bodies we all tend to take for granted after a certain amount of time. If your normal sex is scheduled, in a bed, at a certain time, surprise each other with rougher than usual sex in an unexpected place, at an unexpected time. If that’s more your usual, take a steamy shower or bath together, and engage in a slow, mutual seduction, ending in bed. Be true to your preferences and never do anything you are uncomfortable with, but don’t be afraid to play pretend.

#5 Talk

Finally, the most important thing I can suggest is the simplest of all: talk to your partner! If sex is lackluster to you, chances are your partner has noticed, too.

Talk to your partner about what you’re feeling. So start talking about what’s going on between you two, in your lives, and in your bedrooms. More importantly, start talking about your needs, which if you’re reading this are obviously not being met.

Is there something you used to do in the beginning of your relationship that has fallen off the wayside lately? Is sex too slow, too quick, too infrequent, or too mechanical?

Figure out what it is that is bothering you in particular. If you simply say you’re unsatisfied, there’s very little for your partner to go on, in terms of improving your shared sex life. Before you go into this conversation, determine what you want and what you need sexually, and how you want your physical future together to be.

We're very excited to have Bethany Kibblesmith as a GetLusty staff writer. She's a sex geek and loving partner, actively involved in igniting her own sexual spark. Bethany is twenty-two and an English major. When she isn't scrambling to finish homework, she's with her loving boyfriend, reading, doing yoga or cooking. She enjoys the finer things in life like, secondhand clothes, warm showers, and socks without holes. She writes plays when she isn't writing for school or GetLusty. And if you meet her she will, without question, make a sex joke at some point. Email her at if you have any questions!
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