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10 Essential Lessons About Female Orgasm

Just because we're on Dick & Dildo December doesn't mean we can't vag out on our favorite topic: female orgasms. We love talking about female orgasms, and why wouldn't we? We recently shared some important erogenous zones, how to have more intense orgasms and of course, more information on the ever-so-important G-Spot orgasm. GetLusty loves female orgasms! Today, our resident queen of dominance, Portia Blush is here to provide a few more absolute essential lessons about the female orgasm.
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Ever wished your female lover's body came with an instruction manual for optimum pleasure? Think the female orgasm is as elusive as the golden snitch in Harry Potter, or winning that latest Powerball lottery? Think again! Here are some insights from the inside on just what you need to know about the female orgasm from one woman who loves having them!

#1 We're not all built the same 

The most important lesson of all to know about the female orgasm is that we don't all get there the same way. Just like with what gets you off guys, there is no "One size fits all" owner's manual on how to please a woman. Our orgasm, and how we achieve it, as as individual as we are. To this extent, don't assume that what has worked wonders with other women, will work with the partner you have now. If she doesn't take the lead by telling you what takes her there, speak up and ask! We like lovers who are as interested in pleasing us, as they are in being pleased. Ladies, take ownership of your own pleasure and tell him, or better, show him!

#2 This is not a timed test 

 The timing of how long it takes a woman to reach orgasm varies greatly. Time of the month (as far as where she is in her cycle), her mood and where her mind is at, and the stimulation she is receiving (or not receiving) are just some of the variables that will effect how long it takes to reach orgasm. A woman who can cum rather quickly on one day, may take longer on another. Some women may even feel the need to fake an orgasm if they perceive you feel they're taking too long. Honestly, I've done it myself, and I have heard from many female friends that they have as well. We don't want to do that believe me, so do your lover a favor and don't make her feel like she is in a race to orgasm at the pace you want her to. Just like you don't want to be worried if you are lasting long enough, we don't want to feel equally pressured to orgasm on a time schedule. 

#3 Don't stop the groove 

Variety in lovemaking is a great goodness, and should be applauded. However, If you are doing something with your tongue, or the rhythm of your thrusts with your cock that has your woman writhing in ecstasy, whatever you do, don't stop doing it! Pay attention to how your partner is reacting to what you're doing. If you have found a rhythm that has her thrusting her hips into you for more and climbing excitedly to orgasmic bliss, don't suddenly change the groove on her. 

There is nothing worse than being inches away from orgasm, only to have it thwarted because your lover decided to change things up at the worst possible moment. I'm not sure why some of you guys do this, but it seems that sometimes right as you know we're approaching orgasm, you start going faster and harder for what seems like no reason at all. If we are moaning in pleasure about to peak, don't stop the groove! Pay attention, learn her signals, and when you know you're on the right path, stay your course, good man!

#4 Ring bell for service 

Our clitoris is not the only thing we like stroked. While we ladies definitely need clit stimulation to get off, that is not the one and only way to make us cum like wildfire. You've heard of that elusive G-Spot before? It's no myth! It's located just about 1-2 inches just inside the vagina on the upper wall (think towards the belly button if this confuses you).  

If you're going down on your woman, don't be afraid to use your hands to sweeten the deal. One or two well-placed fingers stroking her g-spot will have most women juicy with joy! Some rare women, like myself, even enjoy a finger inserted in our anus while we're being eaten out.

Though many women feel their anus is like a "No fly zone", so don't go exploring uncharted territory without asking first. And fingers aren't just for inserting either! Massage her labia gently, stroke her inner thighs, trace her body with one hand: the possibilities for pleasure in this sense are endless! For more information on the elusive G-Spot orgasm, check out our many ideas. We've got advanced cunnilingus with g-spot stimulation tips, wonderful books on g-spot and even the in-fashion technique of squirting.

#5 We like a little pre-game show 

Don't turn up your nose at the art of foreplay! Take the time to not only romance her, but her body as well. We hate it when you want to jump right into the heat of the action, without some warm up. Women are like fine wine; we want to be savoured. Don't just slide in and start pumping away, we need you to work your way up to that. Tease her, slowly stroke the length of her body, and whatever you do, don't underestimate the sensuality of kissing! Everyone likes a quickie on occasion, but when you have the time, make sure you spend it drinking in every ounce of your partner, and revel in the journey, not just the destination.

#6 Touch her with your words 

While men are more visual creatures, women tend to be more auditory when it comes to arousal.  Talk to your lover. Tell her how sexy she is, how much you love her body, and all the things you want to do to her. We love to hear how much you desire us, and how you so eagerly want to enjoy every ounce of our bodies. There's nothing like a well-timed whisper in our ear as you're sliding yourself in and out of us, or the sound of our name on your lips as we send you into the throws of orgasmic heaven. We also love to hear your pleasure too, so don't be afraid to let us know with moans of pleasure how much you are loving what we're doing to you!

#7 We are not breakable 

Not every woman likes sex soft and gentle. Some of us like to be fucked with wild primal abandon that can sometimes only be seen on Animal Planet! Although we may look like delicate creatures, I can assure you we will not break. If we say we want to be ridden fiercely, to witness the masculine strength and prowess we know you're capable of. Believe us!  

#8 Variety is king 

That being said, we may not always be looking for lovemaking in the same style and fashion one day, as we will the next. Just like you guys, we want different things when we're in different moods. Our orgasms are much the same. Some days we may want to be made love to slowly by you while a serenade of Barry White songs playing in the background, and others we may want to be fucked senseless up against the wall with animalistic force while our clothing is still half on. Some days one scenario will have us humming like a tuning fork with passion, and some days not. Go with the flow! 

#9 Be a gentlemen 

Make sure we cum first! I say this for two reasons: One, this takes the pressure off of us for feeling like we need to match your arousal peak for peak, and allows us to relax, which makes reaching orgasm that much easier. Two: because if you're going to roll over and slip into "snoresville" right after you cum, we will be left hanging, and honestly guys, this is the equivalent of "Blue Balling" your lady. It's not fun for you when this happens, and it is definitely not fun for us. Remember, ladies first!

#10 Knowledge is power 

Above all, strive to know your partner's body. Learn what turns her on, what heats her up, and what sets her off like a 4th of July fireworks explosion! This comes with time, which is one thing that can make couplehood so sexy, as you will gain a more intricate map of your partner's sexual pleasure map over time with each experience.  

Have fun my fellow sexplorers, and play safe! Want more tips and tricks on the allusive female orgasm? Contact Portia Blush below or give us a quick e-mail at We'd love to hear from you! 

Seeking to shatter the myth that "nice girls don't talk about sex", and somehow trying to survive her mid-30's in suburbia without large doses of vodka, Portia Blush is a saucy Sapiosexual who shares with an infectious wit and a candid vulnerability about her explorations of sex, love, intimacy, kink, the occasional obsession, and everything in between; one true story at a time.

She has over 10 years experience playing Switchy in the BD/SM scene, and has explored a myriad of relationship configurations from monogamous to poly. She holds a BFA from some hoity-toity NYC art school, and still ponders the meaning of life on a regular basis. Follow her on Twitter @erogenousblog and Facebook and of course, ErogenoUS her blog.
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