9 Naked Date Ideas for This Weekend

Autumn is so romantic: the temperature is perfect for cuddling but still nice enough to leave the house, the food is sweet and savory and the entertainment is superb. Though Naked November came and left, that doesn't mean you can't still have a fabulous time naked! What better way to have fun then get naked? GetLusty's Crimson Love reports with ten ideas for having fun and getting naked at the same time!

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Holiday times can be rough. What better way to spend your time together than naked and having a ball?

#1 Naked board game night

Twister, anyone? Pick out your favorite game and make them a little more risqué. Make the stakes higher. For whoever wins, the sexy reward could involve cunnilingus, nipple play or anything else sexy. Ever consider sexy monopoly? Oh, yeah. Twister? Now you're thinking!

#2 Play out the scene to a movie

There is nothing quite like holding onto your partner while playing out a scene from, "The Lord of the Rings"! Is there a scene from a movie you both know so well you re-live it in your heads? Now how about naked? Being nude just makes everything more fun!

#3 Dance party!

Dance parties aren't just for Jersey Shore. This isn't the time to lower your heat. Get your own indoor dance party. Naked! You might even break a sweat. How about a quick shower after that dance party? Who hates showers with your lover? Thought so.

#4 Indoor picnic

How about setting up a warm romantic picnic in the middle of your living room? You don’t even have to put on clothes to leave the house. Rather than a meal, you can re-live the picnic setting. How about Champagne and strawberries? If you really want to get picnic-y, you could also bring in some AstroTurf. Or just some green clothes? Get creative!

#5 Add something to your bed

Get a new set of sheets. This will make your abode feel even warmer and make it even harder to leave. Take Sunday morning cuddles to the next level with satin sheets. Don't tell me that won't feel luxurious and wonderful when you're naked!


#6 Enjoy morning coffee together

Wake up earlier, cuddle, drink coffee and have some sort of pastry, if possible. Coffee in the nude is so much fun! You could also pick up a variety of creamers (Pumpkin spice? Eggnog latte?) and enjoy a little cream!

#7 Write a story together

Not just a story. Something creative. Do either of you paint? Write? Draw? Sit down together and share your passions. If you prefer to not be physically involved with another medium, read something you enjoy and lay together. Being creative while naked can take things to a different level.

#8 Bath time

When it's extra chilly, give your body some love with a bath or shower. Get clean, whip away the negative emotions about your body, and talk positively. How beautiful you are! How wonderful your partner is.

Our friend Bonnie Gayle, of Body Liberator, recommends especially during bath and shower time to love our bodies especially. So give yourself some love and tender attention. And give some of that to your partner, too!

#9 Have a cider date

Want to have a sweet and alcoholic date? Try different types of cider! Get several different flavors and brands to find out your favorite. They go very well with fall foods as well. Naked? Yes, even naked! Obviously, watch out when boiling the cider is the only issue. A little less dangerous than cooking bacon naked (think: oil), boiling liquids while naked is still slightly hazardous.

This is a guest post by our very own Crimson Love. Crimson is our resident fetish expert. If you don't see Crimson out dining with her adoring boyfriend, you'll find her reading books on innovation or finance. Crimson is currently finishing off her Bachelor's, she is passionate about food, photography, music and especially sex--and she's not afraid to talk about it. With everyone!

Have story ideas? Get in touch with Crimson at amber@getlusty.com.

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10 Sexy Holiday Date Ideas for This Weekend

Whether you are celebrating Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, or Festivus, the holidays always seem to interrupt our daily routines. With long shopping lists and hours of cooking large celebratory meals, when will we ever have time for sex and romance? New Years Eve? Rather than letting the holiday frenzy take over your love life, take control of it! Here are 10 sexy date night ideas that will surely warm you up this month and keep the fires burning in your love life as well from GetLusty Lynn Olejniczak.

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#1 Get a room

If you are visiting relatives this is easy to do. If your eager family insists on putting you and your lover up, cite not wanting to be a burden, the end of the flu, or frequent traveler points are about to expire. If you are home for the holiday, book a room - for no other reason than, because you can. Getting a room gives you an opportunity to leave baggage at home and just enjoy each other. Who cares if you are loud, or if the room looks like Spinal Tap had spent the night. Taking it to the extreme is even more fun with maid service.

#2 Spa day

While every other idiot is standing in line to purchase the last flat screen TV for $10 less than anywhere else, you two are enjoying a couple’s massage. Many luxury spas offer deals this season because the masses would rather get their retail on, as opposed to relaxing. If you are lucky enough to be staying at a hotel that offers this feature en suite, go for it! It reduces travel time for that happy ending.

#3 Gift giving comes early

Shopping doesn’t have to be done at the mall - that is, unless your mall has a Hustler Store. Hitting your favorite sex boutique together for a new toy or outfit is the perfect reward after a long day with family.

#4  Fight the crowd

Bars and restaurants enjoy high volume this season with all those holiday shoppers working up an appetite; why not take advantage of it? Pick a new hot spot and arrive separately. Enjoy the dance of making eye contact from across the room, watch as someone tries to chat up your partner, send a drink over. Picking up your mate is more fun when you pretend you are somebody else for the entire evening.

#5 Sext

Stuck shopping with family, watching football with the cousins, getting a tour of the family town? Smart phones are a wonderful thing to curb the boredom and heighten the anticipation of the end of the fourth quarter. Text your fantasies to each other while doing the mundane. Time flies when you’re having fun.

#6 Get a gift for an 'experience'

Deals are everywhere. Duck into a bath store and grab some body scrub for a mutually beneficial experience. Massages are great, don’t misunderstand we love them but showing your partner some skin-love is something that doesn’t happen enough. Yes, the shower is big enough for both of you. What? You thought it was all about the scrub?

#7 Black out

Sensory Deprivation Tanks, or Isolation Tanks are one of the ultimate ways to rejuvenate. These heavy-duty salt water tanks lock out all sound and light, and allow tensions to melt away. Many places allow you to float with another, but be sure you ask if they have the right size tank to accommodate two. Awareness, sensuality, and relaxation peak after just one session so don’t pick a place too far from home.

#8 Eat in

Don’t have to deal with family? Everyone has gone home? Good. Enjoy the simple culinary pleasures of leftovers a la 9 ½ Weeks. The blindfold, the music, the whip cream…too young to know what I’m talking about? Get the movie.

#9 Make it a Blockbuster night

9 ½ Weeks is classic but why not spend the weekend on other classic titles you never got around to watching. Or just get into the spirit with a little holiday theme: Very, Very Bad Santa, Miracle on 69th Street, and Santa Sluts can bring some joy to the holiday.

#10 Truss it up

A little holiday bondage never hurt anyone. Take this opportunity to set up or reconfigure the restraining system under your bed, try a door system, or sportsheet if you prefer. Enjoy the research. Just when you think you have tried it all.

When all is said and done the holidays are supposed to be for giving, for sharing, and for freeing the love. You have done your duty for home and hearth. There are more days ahead which will test your resolution and get on your last nerve. But if you take a little holiday time for yourself, it will be much easier to make it to the New Year; sanity intact.

Lynn Olejniczak is a native Chicagoan who loves her city and everything it has to offer. She spent 10 years as a NASDAQ trader in Chicago and New York in the 90's, then went back to college when "the rules changed and I realized no one was going to pay me lots of money to swear at them anymore."

She loves good food, and a perfectly poured Guinness at any Irish pub in the city. Her Beastie Boys CDs rest comfortably next to her Misfits vinyl, and she believes Underground Garage is the best radio program known to humankind. Armed with degrees in History, and a love of Urban Planning, Lynn is currently writing and researching a book on the 80's Chicago bar scene. Get in touch with Lynn at editorial@getlusty.com.

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Couples! 3 Common Communication Mistakes and Solutions

Marriage is not easy. On the flip side, good communication in long-term relationships can be the best foreplay. While sometimes, we can think it's more healthy not to fight, argue or disagree--it's very normal and healthy! The key is how you disagree and overall how you communicate together. GetLusty for Couples staff writer Erin Wiley is here to talk about common communication fails and what to do about them. Today!

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Words are powerful tools. In relationships, a lack of communication can be the root to many problems a couple will face. The ability to tell each other thoughts, feelings and wants is so important, but can be so hard! Overtime, routine and neglect of issues can lead to disengagement and a loss of understanding one another. So, what are the most common mistakes, but more importantly, how can we fix them?

Communication is crucial as it allows us to share your aspirations and concerns, to support one another, to organize our lives and make decisions together. Effective communication can reduce stress and create a tighter bond.

#1 Not telling your partner what's wrong

According to The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Perfect Marriage, you shouldn't expect your partner to read your mind to have an amazing marriage. As well as you and your partner think you know each other, most people are not clairvoyants. You really can’t assume that your partner knows how you feel or what you want if you're pulling a subtle eyebrow raise. You don’t share the same feelings, worldview or thoughts. You might notice the laundry is piling or remember that the in-laws are coming into town and the fridge is empty, but your partner might not. A mean look and storming away might speak volumes, but it won’t say what you want to be fixed and how it can be prevented next time.

Solution 

When in doubt, say it out loud. Clearly explain what you would like do or what is upsetting and state what needs to be done. Make it black and white. Simple things are easier to remember. Having to explain things fully about something you think your partner “should” know about you isn't a sign that he or she doesn't love and care about you. It just means that your partner is a unique and separate person.

#2 Guilt tripping

“If you truly cared about my needs then you would not go watch the game at the bar with your friends this weekend” is an example of guilt slinging. Guilt slinging is manipulative, and a sure fire way to cause backlash. Changes that result from guilt are usually not long lasting because the changes come in response to the coercion and not an inward desire to make it better. Ultimately, guilt trips lead partners to feel resentful and unwanted. Jenna D. Barry is the author of A Wife’s Guide to In-laws: How to Gain Your Husband’s Loyalty Without Killing His Parents notes, “Healthy family relationships are based on love, mutual respect, freedom and honesty—not guilt, obligation and entitlement.”

Solution 

This is far more common than you might think. For example, your spouse has gotten on you about spending too much money on something deemed to be frivolous. Perhaps it was a frivolous purchase. If you respond with a remark that dives into the past, bringing up some mistake your spouse made, this is not productive. You are really just putting a guilt trip on your partner in order to deter from the mistake you made. Guilt is a double-edges sword. Guilt is unhealthy because you are blaming someone else for something you may be personally unsatisfied with about yourself. Accepting each others’ faults and discussing what one another can do to work on it will eliminate the guilt you feel or the guilt you want your partner to feel.

#3 Not listening

Remember that a large part of communication is listening. It is so easy to get in the habit multi-tasking, be off-putting, or want to jump to a conclusion. When couples do not listen to one another it results in a misunderstanding, frustration and anger.

Solution 

When you and your partner are talking don't be on pinterest, looking at your watch, picking at your cuticles, etc. Graham Bodie, Assistant Professor of Communication Studies at The Louisiana State University states, “listening is the quintessential positive interpersonal communication behavior as it connotes an appreciation of and an interest in the other… Good listeners can enhance others’ ability to cope with and remember events; they are more liked, rated as more attractive, and garner more trust."

People can show that they're listening or that they're distracted through non-verbal communication. Nod so the other person knows you're getting the message and rephrase if necessary. Make eye contact. Repeat what they have said double checking that there is a mutual understanding. Listening is hard work, but if it is a way to eliminate a future argument and increase an interest in one another, isn’t it worth it?

Excerpted from The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Perfect Marriage © 2001 by Hilary Rich and Helaina Laks Kravitz, M.D. All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. Used by arrangement with Alpha Books, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

Speaking of having better communication skills, have you 'Liked' GetLusty on Facebook yet? We're giving away a Tiani 2 to a lucky 'Liker'. We're also on Pinterest and Tumblr, as well as Twitter @getlusty. What?! You're on those platforms and aren't in tune with our awesome content? Have amazing sex. Get lusty.

This is a post by Erin Wiley. As a full-time flight attendant, Erin has finally figured out how great she really is at communicating to people how it is completely against the FAA it is for her to join the mile high club. So she's decided to utilize her communication skills and ability to think about sexual communication at high altitudes. Luckily, she's using her English and Journalism degrees from the University of Minnesota to good use for GetLusty! In case of a loss of cabin pressure, you probably should have watched her demonstration because she is way too busy thinking about ways to talk dirtier in bed. Questions, comments or concerns? Get in touch at reply@getlusty.com.

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6 Sexy Date Ideas This Weekend

Maybe you have a couple of hours to get away from family for Thanksgiving weekend. Or maybe you're already alone anyway. How about a date? We love dating, as you can probably tell. We really recommend dating your spouse. Why? It improves your relationship with your spouse! It's one of the 5 pillars of an amazing sexual relationship. If you're like me, you sometimes have no idea what to do during date night and end up doing the same things over and over. That's totally understandable. That's why we'll always have 'dating for couples' ideas for you--our readers! GetLusty for Couples' staff writer Crimson Love reports.

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We gave you ideas on how to improve your dates. We thought it only fair if we gave you some fun date ideas to spice things up and keep it interesting. Let us present to you seven fun date ideas to try with your honey.

#1 Dance class 

Dancing ups your endorphins and gets your blood pumping. No need to fret if you don't have rhythm. It's all for fun and you're not training to be a professional dancer. Take a Latin dance class, hip hop or even a ballroom dance class. In Chicago, Dance Center Chicago has different styles of drop-in classes Nov 28, Dec 5 and Dec 12. It will be an excuse to get close and physical with your lover. The best part is that whatever moves you learn, you can use later during a night out.

We'll have more ideas and recommendations for dancing classes for couples in Chicago soon!


#2 Sporting/workout date 

Workout dates are great because not only are you encouraging each other to be healthy but you are also bonding. When planning this date pick physical activities that are couple friendly to start off with like, jogging, tennis or time in the gym.

For lunch you can pack a healthy picnic lunch for the both of you or go to a restaurant that is waistline friendly. After lunch do one more activity like yoga or meditation in order to relax together. When the day is done you can end it with some frisky business a la couple's shower (AKA at home). We have several ideas how to make shower sex less awkward. Aren't you a member of a gym, yet? Our favorite is LA Fitness, but that's because it's across the country and the rates are reasonable. Depending on your needs (are you looking for a fancier gym? spa facilities?), would affect your decision. 

#3 Sexual fantasy 

Have you tried a doctor fantasy? Or maybe a construction worker fantasy? For this, I recommend making an entire day out of it. On this day allow yourselves to play out some of your sexual fantasies together. Make a promise to each other to spend the entire day naked together (it's Naked November, why not?. This kind of day is not something to be taken lightly. It requires honesty, privacy, and a dedication to the intimate journey you and your lover will embark on. Also, check out our several articles on 50 Shades-inspired fantasies and even more fantasies ideas.

#4 Future fantasy

Future fantasy day is about playing out life fantasies you both share. For example, if you and your lover live together, take a day to look at houses together. After that, go to a paint/hardware store and look at paint colors. Then head to a furniture store and check out furniture, lighting fixtures and window treatments. Fantasize about what the next step of your lives together may be. I will caution you in saying that this isn't for everyone and if it's not, that is completely okay. Otherwise, you can always stick to sexual fantasies.

#5 Themed date

Don't be afraid to get silly and creative with your themed dates. Pick a theme like food or literature and plan an entire day (or however much time your schedule will allow) based on that theme. Maybe even your honeymoon? You could even dress in costume. Hello, costume party. When was the last time you got really silly, anyway? It's a fabulous time. You get to be someone else for the night.

If it's food, go to a restaurant you haven't tried before for lunch. Then enroll in a cooking class and use those new skills later on when you make dinner together. If it's literature, do a themed lunch based on a favorite book, then go to a book reading or read together in the park. For dinner, you could plan a dinner scene based on a romantic scene in a book. The possibilities for themed dates are endless and very fun.

Making sure that your dates don't get boring and stagnant can be very tricky. Take some of our ideas into consideration and get some of that spark back!   

This is a guest post by GetLusty's staff writer Crimson Love. Crimson is our resident fetish expert. If you don't see Crimson out dining with her adoring boyfriend, you'll find her reading books on innovation or finance. Crimson is currently finishing off her Bachelor's. She's passionate about food, photography, music and especially sex! And she's not afraid to talk about it. With everyone! Have story ideas? Get in touch with Crimson Love at reply@getlusty.com. 

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7 Tips to Creating a Better Love Letter

So you might be thinking, "Why do I need to know how or why to write a love letter?!" True. But if you don't need to know--how about the last time you actually wrote a love letter to your lover? It's a timeless tradition, and we think it needs a little attention. Why? Communication is key to a healthy marriage and relationship.

We have written extensively on communication before sex, integrating communication into sex, and communication post-sex. But what about the communication that doesn't need words. Do we even remember how to say "I love you" without our cell phones anymore? Lee Harrington, the man who inspired our non-violent communication series, is here with 7 ways to say "I love you" without using your cell phone to text it. Lee is a wonderful writer, and we love his perspective! Instead, Lee is bringing back the retro and seriously romantic, love letter as his go-to form of communication.

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In our culture of text messages and fast food, we have forgotten much of the art of the love note. Rather than a card picked up at the grocery store to be given only on special occasions, love notes can take a thousand forms. Consider doing one of the following to remind your sweetie how special they are to you:


#1 Make it your own

With handmade paper or nice paper from art stores, there are plenty of ways to make it your own card. It gives it your signature creativity!

#2 Hand write the note

Write your note by hand (unless your handwriting is abysmal, but then still sign it by hand). It's good practice to write by hand occasionally, and it's also fun to read hand writing!

#3 Hide it!

Hide the note in their briefcase or purse to find later by surprise. What a wonderful surprise to find a love note.

#4 Scent 

Put a tiny dot of your cologne, perfume, or other favorite scent (bacon, your body, fresh herbs) on the paper, but don't overwhelm them with too much the scent.

#5 Color 

Use a pen that is their favorite color. What better way to figure out their favorite color, if you aren't doubly sure. When they open it up and find their favorite color; they'll think it's even more adorable.

#6 Seal the note

Seal the note with wax or a sticker (by dripping candle wax--then you can even find a stamp at Michael's or similar arts & crafts store). Alternatively, seal the envelope then write over the seam/seal. Kiss the note with your lipstick as an additional cute gesture.

#7 Stock up on postcards

Keep a store of postcards and drop one in the mail every once in a while… even if they live with you.

Love notes can be a single word of power waiting on a pillow or a twenty page letter given to your partner before they head out on the road (for extra oomph, consider handing them 7 envelopes, with a date on each one for the 7 days they will be gone). The important part is the power of the paper in our hand, not the hard plastic cell phones we have become to accustomed to. Step back and breathe in the parchment, and know that they care, as much as you do about them.

Go forth, play with your passions, and enjoy!

Lee Harrington is an internationally known spiritual and erotic educator, gender explorer, eclectic artist and award-winning author and editor on human sexuality and sacred experience. He’s been traveling the globe (from Seattle to Sydney, Berlin to Boston), teaching and talking about sexuality, psychology, faith, desire and more. He has been an academic and an adult film performer,  world class sexual adventurer, outspoken philosopher, kink/bondage expert and has been blogging about sex and spirituality since 1998.

His books include “Playing Well With Others: Your Guide to Discovering, Exploring and Negotiating the Kink, Leather and BDSM Communities” (with Mollena Williams), “Sacred Kink: The Eightfold Paths of BDSM and Beyond,” “Shibari You Can Use: Japanese Rope Bondage and Erotic Macramé,” the “Toybag Guide to Age Play,” and “Shed Skins: Journeying in Self-Portraits.” Check out the trouble Lee has been getting into, as well as his regular podcast, tour schedule, free essays, videos and more over at www.PassionAndSoul.com. Follow him on Twitter @PassionAndSoul.

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28 Surprising Benefits of Being a Loving Couple

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20 Fun-Filled Fall Date Ideas for Couples

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5 Tips for Communicating Effectively Pre-Sex

By necessity, those involved in BDSM adhere to strict rules around consent. As our writer Rachel reported, couples may work off some sort of contract to get the conversation going. This is paramount in negotiating and then thoroughly enjoying a lusty, fulfilling kinky sex life. But what if you aren't into kink? Does that mean you don't have to communicate before sex?

In our latest series "Communication 101", we are diving into the communication you need to have before, during and after sex. Up first? Our Mary-Margaret McSweene is here with 5 ways on how to communicate before doing the deed.

Mary-Margaret Sweene reports.

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Assumptions, unfortunately, seem to rule when it comes to sex, and something it's just fine. Sometimes things go completely wrong. But why are we letting "completely wrong" or "just fine" be the limits of our sex lives? What if a short conversation could help us avoid "completely wrong" entirely and turn "just fine" into "mind-blowing"?

#1 Talk before sex  

The first time I slept with my now-husband, it was planned. Achingly so. After an interaction cut short due to a late bus from Indianapolis (don't worry about it), I told him in no uncertain terms, to report back to my apartment the following Friday night. We spent seven days sending giddy texts. Yet it wasn't until that night, when things were too heated for normal conversation that I blurted out, "Uh, is there anything I should know about before this happens?"

This is coming from a trained sex educator, folks. It was not my proudest moment. But when would I have had time, with the night we'd shared canoodling in the booth of the bar after his show, giggling all the way to the train, and the block from the station to my apartment?

Or, say, during the past 7 days when we both knew this was going to happen! Thankfully my husband is a trust-worthy guy and his response of "Uh, huh-uh. You?"was true. But just about any other time would have been a better choice. Same goes for all health concerns, really. Don't wait until it comes to blurting out "I'm going down on you because I can't have sex tonight! I have a UTI!"to your unknowing partner. Mood killer, I'll assure you. Instead, when you realize things might be headed towards sex, you can simply say "I'd prefer to just go down on you tonight. That's what I really want right now." That sounds a lot sexier.

#2 Don't bring up the "ex"

While some couples may get off on it, the vast majority probably don't like to wallow in memories of lovers past. If your ex did something incredible in bed (or the shower, or the attic crawl space), no need to frame it as a piece from a past relationship you're trying to salvage. Claim it as part of your sexual repertoire and suggest it. This isn't college. No need to cite your sources.


#3 Discuss limits

Most of us have things that we are not willing to do. You don't need to apologize for this. But you do need to let your partner know. If you've spent your entire relationship crossing your fingers that your partner wouldn't suggest a certain activity, you need to stop crossing and start talking. You can work together to find alternatives that meet both of your needs. And anxiety during sex is not something you need at all.

#4 Throw out some ideas to gauge reaction

It's amazing how many couples just...start having sex. Without ever talking about it. Not at first and not ever. I think a lot of us assume what "normal" sex is, and we just act accordingly. What could you be missing? Maybe nothing--but don't you want to be sure? Throw out some ideas to your partner without bias. You may be surprised by which ideas get a response. You may be surprised by what they suggest. Nothing ends boring like learning something completely new and sexy about your partner. If you're too shy to have the conversation, try starting it off by both making a list of ideas and trading. You can even preface the exercise with writing down different things to possibly try. It doesn't have to be a list of things you know you want to do, but anything that might come to your mind. This takes away some of the pressure that every single suggestion is some telling piece of your psyche.

#5 Be respectful

Phones are off. TV turns off. Facebook is out of the question too. While some distraction may help ease the tension, make it something that you can easily talk through. True story: my mom had the "Facts of Life" talk with me in the car. And thereafter, whenever I had a question about sex, I waited until we were on the way home from something. There was enough separation, but we were still there together, and we were alone. And most importantly, once you get your partner opening up, don't shut them down. It takes a lot of courage to lend voice to our sexual selves. Honor that.

Mary-Margaret McSweene is a writer and graduate student in Chicago. Her undergraduate degrees are in Social Justice Studies and Feminist Theory which basically means she knows how to ruin a dinner party by calling bullshit on another guest. She spends inordinate amounts of time thinking, reading and writing about feminist issues, punctuated by brief respites to enjoy good tea and good beer.

Contact her at editorial@getlusty.com or follow her on her brand new shiny Twitter, @MMMcSweene.

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Why Have Spontaneous Sex

You may be thinking, "Seriously? I can't do that! I have children." Depending on your situation, you may need to plan slightly. But even then--the element of surprise in your sexual encounters makes a difference! Eric Amaranth is here to talk about why spontaneity in sex matters.

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We generally think that sex almost always starts with an intense turn-on then spontaneous sex! As we've talked about, scheduling sex is a great way to have more of it. So you might think if it’s not spontaneous it’s not hot or worth spending time doing. When you’re single, it’s much easier to pull that off as we know. With children, extra demands on our time, more responsibilities, etc, the inspiration and time for spontaneous sex decreases naturally. Because couples are fixed on this sex form, as I call it, even less sex comes about. Thus, planning comes into it and the excitement of anticipation.

I tell my clients to take both of their options, in many cases, not just one. We know you can’t plan on spontaneity rising forth, no pun intended. You can’t wait for that. Do both. Plan hot sex dates and look forward to spontaneous moments.

Many find that as their sexual sophistication grows, they will plan a sex night, put it on the calendar and get started with it. Then, during that sex session, spontaneous, hot, new things often happen. As well, the couple returns to previous hot things done before that rise out of nowhere. That’s another important way to enjoy spontaneity in sex.

Here’s one way to create the turn-on of anticipation: your spouse sends you a hot email or text on what they can’t wait to do to your body tonight, for example. That’s attention! Fun, smoldering hot attention. Now you can’t wait for it either. Another point related to this is as you and your partner get better at giving each other sexual pleasure and big orgasms, your interest to have more sex, spontaneous or not, always increases.

It’s simple. If the cuisine is amazing, physical and/or mental issues aside, you want more. You don’t always have to be in the mood, the moment doesn’t have to be perfect, none of that. I’ve started having sex countless times when I’m not “horny,” but because of my skill set and often that of my partner’s I know it’s not going to be long at all before she and I are in a very different mood.

I understand the erotic of spontaneous sex as people know it. It’s great stuff! However, there are other paths to great sex. Never bottle yourself in too much, especially with regards to this issue. I never would have gained the understanding of sexual pleasure making and had the amount of sex that I’ve had and have if I left it all up to spontaneity.

Real life things do get embroiled. But as I’ve witnessed in my own life and the lives of my sex life coaching clients, everyone deal with those things together much better when they have a strong sexual connection. Their sex life together becomes an oasis and an encouragement for standing by each other. That’s that being in love thing. The trick is to stay in love beyond limerence. Reader, if you haven’t heard of limerence, look it up. It’s something everyone needs to know about.

Lastly, I know psychology studies have placed the time frame for the end of the honeymoon phase at within a year. Science has proven the seven year itch is now the three year itch. Science is an awesome tool. However, it has disadvantages. It is the proverbial microscope. It observes what’s happening in our present. It is not as good at giving an accurate picture of the “what if's."

I wonder, what if many more relationships had the high quality sex life? What if our culture experienced sex in a higher/ better form than we currently know it? Would those stats be different? I’m running the experiment, if you will, every time I work with a client. My results thus far are a resounding, yes.

Originally posted at Sex Life Coach NYC.

Eric Amaranth is a sex life coach, working in NYC and globally via video conference, who specializes in women’s and men’s sexuality, basic to advanced sex skills, and high-end sex education. Individuals and couples are guided toward the relationship, intimacy, and sexual enjoyment goals they desire most.

Amaranth believes that for the majority of people, appreciation of ourselves and our romantic partners is one of the best sustainable resources we have to continuously renew attraction, maintain respect, and stay in love with our partners. This bedrock of deep appreciation is founded and reinforced by the combination of loving relationship skills with breathtaking sexual skills. Follow him on Twitter @eric_amaranth.

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How Do I Disclose My STD?

Most people over the course of their lifetime have gotten STDs (sexually transmitted disease also known as STI with the I meaning infection). In fact, according to the Center for Disease Control STD rates have grown constantly since 1990. Below is a chart detailing Chlamydia rates from 1990 to 2010.  They may have had a pre-existing condition, or don't even know they have a STD, and doesn't necessarily mean infidelity. This isn't to worry you, but it's recommended to get checked every year for STDs.

Both partners should be able to communicate openly and honestly without fear of humiliation or rejection. When you first meet someone though, honesty can be difficult.

Fear of rejection and being being hurt can stop anyone from disclosing truth about themselves. In the reader question below, Nadine answers a question about how to disclose that you have a STI to a potential sexual partner. Nadine Thornhill reports.

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Recently, a reader Sadie* wrote in with the following question:

"Dear Nadine,

I feel a bit isolated on the topic of herpes. I have been living with it for years, yet since I first disclosed it years ago to a partner, he reacted very negatively and told me to get out of his life. I was shattered. Months later, he knocks on my door and he says 'Herpes is not a big deal, please take me back.' But I couldn’t take him back. He didn’t want to use a condom and my fear is if I gave it to him, he may hold me responsible or he may leave me again. I chose not to be intimate with him anymore. I have been very careful and have become more selective in chosing a partner. I haven’t met anyone yet to disclose herpes. Yet, there is a fear inside of me and I get anxious about the idea of telling someone I may like. How do I tell him?"

This is a great question. Finding the right time and the right way to disclose an STI is a challenge many sexually active people face. But before share my two cents, I want to make it clear that this is just one gal’s opinion. Some of you may disagree or have different/additional advice. If so, I welcome your thoughts – feel free to chime in anonymously – in the comments.

For my money, I gotta say that I think Sadie did the right thing disclosing her status to her first partner. And while ultimately I believe that we all have a right to decide which sexual risks will and will not take, I wish Sadie’s partner hadn’t been a shaming douche about it. Because for many people living with an STI that is the fear. What if this person I really like rejects me?

And it’s not just the fear of rejection, but the fear of being judged and deemed dirty or bad. That fear is legit. Despite the fact that human beings transmit infections and develop illnesses ALL THE TIME, the idea that only “bad” people get sick from sex still persists. It’s bullshit. And it’s makes disclosure very difficult.

But even though it turned out badly the last time, I still think Sadie did the right thing. The fact that her partner reacted badly isn’t about her, it’s about them. I don’t think Sadie needs to disclose her status right out of the gate. If you’re still getting to know someone and nothing sexual is happening, I think it’s all right to bide your time.

However, if and when Sadie feels that physical intimacy is imminent, I think that disclosing her STI status is the responsible thing to do.

Ideally, it’s not a conversation to have during a hot and heavy make-out session. Probably better to arrange a specific time and place where she and her partner can have a private conversation. It might help to prepare what she wants to say beforehand. I’m not talking about a formal address on index cards, but practicing an opening statement a couple of times in the mirror can make it easier to say what she needs to say in a straightforward manner.

It’s likely that her partner may have questions and concerns. It’s also very possible that her partner will realize that he’s met an honest person with a shit ton of integrity – a person who’s worth sticking around for. Because STIs happen and partners who are willing, figure it out.

So my advice to you Sadie, is to keep doing what you’re doing. I can only image how much that first rejection hurt. But not everyone is like your first partner. There are people who understand that STIs happen, who won’t judge you for it having one. That’s the type of partner you deserve to be with and that’s the partner you can find.

Do you have advice about how best to tell someone you have an STI? Have you had to disclose your status to a partner? Have you had a partner disclose their status to you? The comment section is yours!

*Name changed at the request of the reader. This was originally posted on Adorkable Undies.

Nadine is a sexual health educator, playwright, poet, burlesque performer, partner and parent living in Ottawa, Ontario. The plays and poetry she creates tend toward subjects such as clitorises, vibrators and non-monogamy.

She enjoys candy, fashion and dreck television. She does not care for pants. Find her on Twitter @NadineThornhill. She also blogs on Adorkable Undies. Find her blog on Facebook and Pinterest.

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