5 Tips For Young Parents To Have More Sex

Everyone seems to be busy, tired, or both these days. With jobs, families, and social life commitments how does anyone have time for sex? Now just imagine throwing in a few young children into the mix and sex becomes that much more difficult. Nadine Thornhill, sexual health educator, writer, partner and parent can relate and understand to what other suffering parental units are going through. She has come up with 5 ways to keep your sex life thriving because everyone deserves sex on a regular basis.

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You are so into each other! So much so that you’ve made a life together and thrown some little people in the mix for good measure! They’re beautiful, amazing kids who are totally harshing your sex buzz. Been there, done that. Or more accurately: am there, doing that. I certainly haven’t found the secret of living with a young child AND maintaining a rigorous schedule of hot monkey sex. But The Man of Mans and I have managed to be co-parents and sex partners and sometimes we manage to do both on the same day.

Here are 5 strategies that have worked for us and might work for you too.

Just so things are clear:

MoMs- Man of Mans, Nadine's partner and co-parent

Green Bean (or "The Bean")- Nadine's child

#1 Masturbate – it’s okay.

No really. It is! I admit that sometimes I feel a little weird about it. I mean, here I have a perfectly sexypants partner within touching distance and here I am going to town on myself. But here’s my deal. Sometimes libido is about the desire to connect with my husband in an intimate and naked way. But sometimes it’s because my nethers are aflame and about to burst out of my pantaloons! Meanwhile, it’s midnight on a day that started at 5 a.m. and the only propect that excites The MoMs is a big fluffy pillow. Yes I could try to goad him into sleepy, grudging sex, but there are times when it’s easier and ultimately everyone will be happier if I rub one out and hit the sack.

A quick note to sleepy partners everywhere. Sleep is important, so if your body’s asking for it, that’s what you should do. But if you’re up for it, maybe pop open your PJs to expose your lover’s favorite naughty bit before you nod off. A little masturbatory inspiration goes a long way!

#2 Express it. Don’t expect it.

As a working parent, some days get very, very busy and I become very, very overwhelmed. By the time The Bean is tucked away for the night and the last item on my to-do list is crossed off, I barely feel human, let alone like a human with functioning sex parts. By now, The Man of Mans has a keen sense of when “do not enter” vibes are emanating from my vagina. But he says awesome stuff like, “I know you’re not for sex right now and that’s cool. I just want you to know that you give me the feelings.”

I’ve run myself ragged and to the world-at-large I have all the sex appeal of a mop. But a partner who’s still warm for my form and chill about letting me veg out while watching, "So You Think You Can Dance"? That’s hot!

#3 Non-sexual touching

You know those obnoxious snuggly couples who hold hands all the time and sit on each other’s laps? You need to cut them some slack, jack – especially if they have kids!

Physical contact promotes intimacy, affection, trust and all kinds of positive feelings. Those good feelings help counter some of the less wonderful side-effects of parenting, which may include confusion, guilt, frustration, worry, shock and more frustration. Believe me – that icky, schmoopy cuddly stuff is the glue that's holding my relationship together!

#4 Porn

Sometimes if The MoMs has gone a while without sex, I’ll decide enough is enough! Being a mother and being a sexually viable human being are not mutually exclusive and tonight I’m gonna get me some! But sometimes, even when my mind is willing, my body is weaksauce and I can’t quite jump start my arousal. And yes there’s the whole lovely candles, wine, gentle kisses, blah, blah, romance novel seduction, but The MoMs and I have to get up early and get The Green Bean off to school. Also, I’m clumsy and likely to knock over the candles, thus burning the house down.

Porn is a quick, reliable way to get turned on. Watching my favorite scene from Debbie Does Dallas makes Nadine want the sex now. Not everyone is comfortable with porn, which is cool. But for those parents that don’t oppose the injection of a little erotica, remember that in addition to film, there are novels, short stories, comics and I think you can get porn on the Internet now too.

#5 Lube and toys

Sex toys aren't just for dirty people! Similar to porn, a good slick lube and reliable sex toys are both excellent tools for the busy parent who needs a quick and efficient orgasm. Like many people, I keep my collection of lube and battery-powered sex-ccessories in the nightstand. This makes for easy night time access and quick, convenient clean-up once the deed is done. As the parent of a young child, I only have about 90 seconds before the post-coital sedation renders me unconscious. I don’t want The Green Bean to come in and find my Liv lying around the bedroom the next morning. I’m not ready to field those questions yet.



This is a guest post by Nadine Thornhill. Nadine is a sexual health educator, playwright, poet, burlesque performer, partner and parent living in Ottawa, Ontario. The plays and poetry she creates tend toward subjects such as clitorises, vibrators and non-monogamy.

She enjoys candy, fashion and dreck television. She does not care for pants. Find her on Twitter @NadineThornhill. She also blogs on the Adorkable Undies. Find her blog on Facebook and Pinterest.

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Sex vs. Gender: Breaking Down the Differences

At GetLusty for Couples, we've had our share of conversations on the differences between sex and gender. As a startup, we're developing editorial standards on gender--and it's continuously being developed. Starting off exclusively for heterosexual couples and branching off to include gay and lesbian couples, we understand that gender and sexual orientations aren't just black and white. Bisexuality is a thing and polyamory is also an option for our open-minded audience. Though we're most definitely biased in support of monogamy.

Soon, you'll hear from the Editor on gender and more on our policies. Again--our goal is to create a platform for couples to develop amazing sexual relationships. Regardless of sexual orientation. Luckily, we have amazing sex educators and bloggers like Nadine Thornhill to help sort out the subtle differences between sex and gender. Read on!

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I gotta level with you, readers. This post is as much for me as it is for you. When I began working in sex education, one of the subjects I quickly realized I knew virtually nothing about was sex. Not sex as in the touchy-feely erotic stuff we do with our bodies, but sex as in how we identify/categorize different people based on biology or identity. I knew there were men and women, boy and girls. But I didn’t understand that there were distinctions between terms like “male/female” versus “masculine/feminine” or ”sex” versus “gender”.

I’ve been privileged to learn about gender identity from some amazing educators. I’ve attended several seminars and workshops. I’ve read books, blogs and articles. And years later, I think I’m *finally* beginning to understand the basics of sex versus gender. Below is my best explanation of sex, gender and what makes them different. I know I have a lot of uber-smart couples reading. If you know your gender studies and you spot any glaring errors or omissions feel free to call me out.

Sex

Sex, in a nutshell, is our biology. It’s the specific set of anatomical, chemical and genetic characteristics, many of which we’re born with and others that develop as our bodies mature. Most males are born with testicles, two distinct sex-chromosomes (XY) and a bunch of testosterone. Most females are born with ovaries, XX sex-chromosomes and higher concentrations of estrogen and progesterone.

Male and female are the sexes that most people are familiar with. No wonder – they’re the two that get virtually all the attention around here. But amongst humans there are several variations of sex . Intersex refers to people who are neither specifically male nor specially female at birth.

Gender

Gender is a complex concept. The meaning of the word has changed and evolved over time. Nowadays, the word “gender” is used describe a person’s psychological identity and/or socially constructed role. Genders include, but are not limited to androgynous, feminine, gender fluid, non-gendered or masculine. A person’s gender might coincide with their physical sex. It might not. A person’s gender may remain constant, while others may experience gender differently at different point in their lives.

Like I said, gender is an expansive, super-fascinating topic and I’m pretty much a novice when it comes to this stuff. However, I have learned about a few very cool concepts related to gender, including the following:

Gender identity - Our psychological sense of our own gender. Who we feel we are. I, for example, identify as a woman. I prefer to be referred to by feminine pronouns such as “she” and “her” or the name “Nadine” which is also distinctly feminine.

Gender presentation - How a person expresses gender through clothing, personal grooming and behavior. A person’s external presentation may or may not reflect their gender identity. I am a woman who dresses and behaves in a way that many people consider feminine. If at some point I choose to dress in a way that isn’t considered feminine, I may do so and still identify as a woman.

Gender binary - The assumption that there are only two genders: feminine and masculine. Unfortunately it’s hella exclusionary. There are many people who don’t identify as a combination of both or neither. Unfortunately our society is rampant with situations that force people to choose one or the other, which in my opinion, is pretty prejudiced and sucktacular…but doesn’t mean that I’m not influenced by it.

Gender-queer - A broad term that referring to identities outside the gender binary.

Transgender - A person who’s gender identity and presentation does not conform to the social expectations associated with their biological sex.

Cisgender - A person who’s gender identity and presentation conform to the social expectations associated with their sex.

Cisnormativity - Social privileges afforded to cisgendered people/ the assumption that all people are or should be cisgendered. Again, bigot-y and wrongsauce. Again, creeps up in my thinking/behaviour more than I’d care to admit.

And that peeps is my review and your overview of sex and gender. Like I said, this is only the briefest of overviews. If you have anything to add, the comment section is all yours!

Speaking of sex, have you 'Liked' GetLusty on Facebook yet? We're giving away a Tiani 2 to a lucky 'Liker' by December 1st. We're also on Pinterest and Tumblr, as well as Twitter @getlusty. What?! You're on those platforms and aren't in tune with our awesome content? Have amazing sex. Get lusty.

This is a guest post by Nadine Thornhill. We're very excited to announce Nadine will start writing regularly for GetLusty.

Nadine is a sexual health educator, playwright, poet, burlesque performer, partner and parent living in Ottawa, Ontario. The plays and poetry she creates tend toward subjects such as clitorises, vibrators and non-monogamy.

She enjoys candy, fashion and dreck television. She does not care for pants. Find her on Twitter @NadineThornhill. She also blogs on the Adorkable Undies. Find her blog on Facebook and Pinterest.

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Art vs. Porn: What's the Difference?

At any given day in GetLusty office, you'll either see us chatting about porn or art, or maybe even both. Erotica. We're no stranger to our human craving for porn, but our favorite is feminist porn (have you seen our favorite porn stars? Or maybe our top feminist porn site recommendations? Oh, my!). But we've given much thought to where art begins and where porn ends. What is pornography, anyway? Well, GetLusty sex positive thinker Nadine Thornhill, of course, comes to the rescue. Read on as Nadine talks about the fine line between art and pornography.

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This week I’ve been enjoying an e-mail exchange with Canadian, Muskoka-based Beverly Hawksley, an artist who wrote asking for my thoughts about where one draws the line between art versus pornography.

As a photographer who occasionally does fine art nudes, I am wondering where and how the line is drawn between porn and erotic fine art. Yes, I know – depends on the audience. But there must be some informal rules – what galleries are willing to display and what crosses the arbitrary line defining what is considered ‘respectable’ art for public display and that considered ‘indecent’.

As I told Hawksley, I’m a fan of both fine art and porn but have nothing resembling authority on either subject. It’s hard for me to speak to what distinctions fine art society does and/or should make. But I can tell you what I think. So this post may include some small sprig of knowledge but that’s just garnish for the main course – a generous portion of Nadine And Her Random Opinions About Stuff.

Regarding pornographic film, the Ontario Film Board defines pornography or “adult sex films” as a film that has, as its main object, the depiction of explicit sexual activity. Those films are distributed with a special porn identification sticker. And that, gentle readers, is the extent of my knowledge about what defines porn. Time to get opinionated!

Maybe I can draw a similar line between fine art and pornographic images. Porn are explicit photos of people engaged in sexual activity. Full frontal boners, lubricated fingers in places…and so on. Meanwhile artistic images are more discreet. Nudity but no erections or penetration. There may be implications but in reality there’s no actual sex happening during the shoot. Hm.

But I don’t love that distinction. Like I said, I know nothing of photography or art. But I do know I’ve seen what I’d consider artfully realized pornographic film. And while I accept the practicality of a film board rating to restrict age and alert the consumer to the content – it also irks me that a well crafted movie forfeits inclusion as part of “art ” because it shows people having actual sex. Similarly it seems kind of sex-negative to define a photograph as porn-not-art simply because the subjects are getting it on. So in the words of Winnie The Pooh, "Think, think, think."

Perhaps a distinction based on skill. But I’ve been lucky enough to work with some pretty kick-ass photographers. I imagine most of them could take a picture of two people engaged in explicitly sexy things that would be a hundred times more artful than any photo I might snap of a more modest scene. In fact Hawksley himself sent me a beautiful photo of a woman performing fellatio. We opted not to post it at the model’s request, but it was a striking image. It was also reasonably modest, with only the subjects’ hair and limbs visible. Yeah, but…

Separating art from pornography by saying the former requires skill, still kind of implies that the latter is inherently less good and less valuable. I fully concede that porn is not something that everyone enjoys or wants to see. But so are some of the world’s great works of art. No, I don’t think that porn becomes art simply by virtue of being provocative and controversial. But where I’m landing on this question right now, is that there is no line. For me at least. This gal’s opinion is that pornographic images, like any other creative endevour run the gamut from mindless dreck to artistic genius. As for which works fall into what category, there will probably never be consensus. With art there almost never is. I for one am happy to include the type of porn that I find beautiful in my every-woman definition of fine art.

Now--enough of my opinion! I know some of you picture takin’, art makin’ probably know a lot more about this subject than I do. Is there a line between porn and erotic art? Where do you think it lies? Whether you’re a respository of knowledge, chock full of opinions or bothI’m eager to hear what you think!

The two pictures are just a few of Beverly Hawksley's art pieces. This piece cross posted with permission from Nadine Thornhill's blog.

Help end boring sex and enter to win a LELO Tiani 2 courtesy of SheVibe. What do you need to do? Just 'Like' GetLusty on Facebook by December 1st! Have you followed us on Twitter yet? We're @getlusty there. We're also on Pinterest and Tumblr, too!

This is a guest post by Nadine Thornhill. We're very excited to announce Nadine will start writing regularly for GetLusty.

Nadine is a sexual health educator, playwright, poet, burlesque performer, partner and parent living in Ottawa, Ontario. The plays and poetry she creates tend toward subjects such as clitorises, vibrators and non-monogamy.

She enjoys candy, fashion and dreck television. She does not care for pants. Find her on Twitter @NadineThornhill. She also blogs on the Adorkable Undies. Find her blog on Facebook and Pinterest.

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What is Sex Negativity?

At GetLusty for Couples, we're all about being sex positive for many reasons. Most of all--when you talk about having great sex with your spouse--it ends up getting better! Well, Nadine Thornhill, our lovely "north of the border" sex educator (she's from Canada, eh), is here to first talk about and explain sex-negativity, the opposite of sex positivity. We've talked frequently about sex positive Facebook pages and YouTube channels. We've also talked more broadly on sex positivity, but let's take a look at its opposite; sex negativity. Why is it so important to stay positive? Hopefully, we will all become a lot less sex-negative after her series on these two philosophies!

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I was facilitating a session on sex-positivity last weekend, when something occurred to me: I’ve never written a post about sex-positivity. That’s a pretty big oversight on my part considering the I bandy the term around these parts with gleeful abandon.

Sex-positivity is a philosophy I saw being modeled at the Ottawa sex shop institution, Venus Envy. It was an attitude towards sex that I admired and sought to emulate. It wasn’t until did my training at PPO that I learned it was an entire social movement with its own name and everything!

Sex positivity has and continues to change my ideas about people, choice and the role sex plays in our lives. It influences everything I do as a sex educator. For me it’s a big, life-altering idea – one that’s too massive to cover in one post, so this will be the first in a series of two. I’ve named them Sex Posivity For Beginners, since I’m still near the start of the learning curve myself.

Sex positivity came about in opposition to a philsophy known as sex negativity. In my opinion sex negativity is pretty unawesome but I  need to start there, so that’s mostly what this post will be about.

What is sex negativity?

Sex negativity is based on an assumption that sex and sexual pleasure are inherently harmful, immoral and dangerous or a sacred experience that can and should be possessed. Sex negativity requires that sexual desire be largely ignored and suppressed except under specific circumstance like a marriage or for the purposes of procreation. It assumes that there are morally superior/inferior sexual orientations, gender expressions and social constructs. For example, in our society monogamous, heterosexual, and cisgender people are typically given more privilege and experience greater approval than people who are poly, queer and/or trans.

Sex-negativity also posits that there are right and wrong, or at least better or worse kinds of sex. In a sex-negative framework the where, when, why and with whom of what constitutes better vs. worse sex are meant to apply to pretty much everyone without regard for personal desires or circumstances.

Specific social sanctions around sex have relaxed over time but as a whole our society is still pretty sex-negative. Sometimes, so am I. I’ve been influenced by sex-negativity my whole life. And even though I’ve discovered this rad new sex-positive philosophy, I haven’t become some radically enlightened, different person with a different brain. I still accept and perpetuate sex negative thinking, often without realizing I’m doing it. I’ve tried to become more aware of my own sex-negative attitudes but it’s definitely an ongoing process.

Something I have noticed is the way situations involving sex are often evaluated very differently from similar situations where sex is not a factor. Here are a few examples of what I mean:

Lying vs. Cheating

This happens: Reese is married. Reese enjoys shopping but isn’t always completely honest about what was bought or how much money was spent. Society says: It’s not ideal. Still, people fudge the truth about money all the time. Reese’s partner shouldn’t end the marriage over it. They should work it out.

Meanwhile (cheating)


This happens: Jordan is married. One day at an office party, Jordan flirts with a co-worker and they wind up making out. Society says: What a douche! Trust has been irrevocably broken. Jordan’s partner is totally justified in leaving this terrible marriage.

Illness vs. STIs

This happens: Sam gets the flu after sharing a big bowl of popcorn with a friend who had the flu.

Society says: We hope Sam feels better soon. The flu sucks but what can you do? Sharing food is normal. These things happen.

Meanwhile (STIs)


This happens: Alex contracts chlamydia after having sex with a friend who had chlamydia.

Society says: Alex has an sexually transmitted infection. How embarrassing! And gross! Alex is probably so ashamed but too bad. These are the risks you take when you have sex.

Straight vs. Queer

This happens: A man and a woman are sitting on a bench near a playground full of children, holding hands. They share a quick kiss on the lips.

Society says: That’s nice. If the children have questions, their parents will probably offer some simplified explanation like “those people are in love,” with age-appropriate answers to any follow-up questions. This will make everyone happy…especially the children.

Meanwhile (queer)

This happens: Two people of the same gender on a bench near a playground full of children, holding hands. They share a quick kiss.

Society says: Inappropriateness! Now the children will ask questions! Queer people are only defined by the type of sex they have, so we can’t possibly explain what just happened without opening a big Pandora’s box of sexual orientation and activity. That couple have no right to be smooching here! It’s confusing for the children! WON’T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?

Bankers vs. Hookers

This happens: Pat needs money to live. Pat works as a mortgage broker at the bank. Pat has no particular love of money or financial transactions but they are good at it. Pat does not feel any strong connection to clients when processing their mortgage applications.

Society says: Pat is a responsible, productive member of society. Being paid to do math is totally respectable. Working in a bank is fine, even when you don’t love it. Pat’s gotta do what Pat’s gotta do.

Meanwhile (hookers)

This happens: Sal needs money to live. Sal works as a prostitute in a brothel. Sal does not have great passion for every client but is sexually skilled. Sal does not form strong emotional connections with clients after having sex with them.

Society says: Sal is an amoral, destructive member of society. No self-respecting person would ever accept money for sex. Having sex with someone without any significant emotional investment is soul-destroying. Sal is all scarred and damaged, yo!

Friends vs. Lovers

This happens: Jesse is very socially active and has many friends. Jesse friends are a diverse lot. Jesse enjoys playing baseball with some friends, attends a monthly book club with an entirely different group of friends and next month Jesse’s going to Florida with some pals from college. Everyone involved is aware that Jesse has lots of friends. Everyone is okay with it.

Society says: Have fun, Jesse! (Society does NOT cite the increased risk of contracting a communicable disease as reason for Jesse to have fewer friends or social interactions!)

Meanwhile (lovers)

This happens: Sidney is sexually active and has several partners. Sidney’s partners are a diverse lot. Sidney enjoys frequent sex with a cute co-worker and recently hooked up with someone at a party. Sidney also has a fuck buddy in another city and they connect a couple times a year. Everyone involved is aware that Sidney has multiple sex partners. Everyone is okay with it.

Society says: Too much sex, Sid! You’re being kind of slutty. And by slutty we mean dirty and bad. (Sid will likely get an earful about promiscuity and an increased risk of contracting an STI.)

Your personal reaction to any of these scenarios may be different from the "society says." Not every person in our society is sex negative, nor is everyone sex negative all the time. But generally speaking there is an assumption situations involving sex will be problematic, and we attribute those problems to the inherent “wrongness” of sex. And yes, sex can be risky and/or have negative consequences. But are those risks unique to sex? Are those negative outcomes because of our attitudes about sex or because of the sex itself?

Enter sex positivity!

Sex positivity defines sex as fundamentally healthy and a potentially positive human drive. It still places sanctions/boundaries on sexual activity – namely informed consent. And it also acknowledges that sex may not a positive experience for everyone or that some people choose not to participate or even have a desire for sex.

But sex positivity tends to emphasize pleasure, personal agency and individual expression as important elements of sex. Sex positivity doesn’t rank sexual activities in terms of their “rightness” or “wrongness”. It’s a lot about honoring people’s individual desires and respecting the sexual choices people make.

And there’s more. Much, much more! As I said, I’m a beginner myself. I’m only starting to get a sense of how sex-positivity challenges many of my assumptions about sexuality and how that in turn will affect my work and my life. But I am a full-on, sex-positivity fan-girl!

In the next post, I will write more specifically about what sex-positivity is and ways I’ve learned of putting the theory into practice. Stay tuned!

This was originally posted on Adorkable Undies.

Nadine is a sexual health educator, playwright, poet, burlesque performer, partner and parent living in Ottawa, Ontario. The plays and poetry she creates tend toward subjects such as clitorises, vibrators and non-monogamy.

She enjoys candy, fashion and dreck television. She does not care for pants. Find her on Twitter @NadineThornhill. She also blogs on Adorkable Undies. Find her blog on Facebook and Pinterest.

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10 Ways to Be Sex Positive

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How Do I Disclose My STD?

Most people over the course of their lifetime have gotten STDs (sexually transmitted disease also known as STI with the I meaning infection). In fact, according to the Center for Disease Control STD rates have grown constantly since 1990. Below is a chart detailing Chlamydia rates from 1990 to 2010.  They may have had a pre-existing condition, or don't even know they have a STD, and doesn't necessarily mean infidelity. This isn't to worry you, but it's recommended to get checked every year for STDs.

Both partners should be able to communicate openly and honestly without fear of humiliation or rejection. When you first meet someone though, honesty can be difficult.

Fear of rejection and being being hurt can stop anyone from disclosing truth about themselves. In the reader question below, Nadine answers a question about how to disclose that you have a STI to a potential sexual partner. Nadine Thornhill reports.

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Recently, a reader Sadie* wrote in with the following question:

"Dear Nadine,

I feel a bit isolated on the topic of herpes. I have been living with it for years, yet since I first disclosed it years ago to a partner, he reacted very negatively and told me to get out of his life. I was shattered. Months later, he knocks on my door and he says 'Herpes is not a big deal, please take me back.' But I couldn’t take him back. He didn’t want to use a condom and my fear is if I gave it to him, he may hold me responsible or he may leave me again. I chose not to be intimate with him anymore. I have been very careful and have become more selective in chosing a partner. I haven’t met anyone yet to disclose herpes. Yet, there is a fear inside of me and I get anxious about the idea of telling someone I may like. How do I tell him?"

This is a great question. Finding the right time and the right way to disclose an STI is a challenge many sexually active people face. But before share my two cents, I want to make it clear that this is just one gal’s opinion. Some of you may disagree or have different/additional advice. If so, I welcome your thoughts – feel free to chime in anonymously – in the comments.

For my money, I gotta say that I think Sadie did the right thing disclosing her status to her first partner. And while ultimately I believe that we all have a right to decide which sexual risks will and will not take, I wish Sadie’s partner hadn’t been a shaming douche about it. Because for many people living with an STI that is the fear. What if this person I really like rejects me?

And it’s not just the fear of rejection, but the fear of being judged and deemed dirty or bad. That fear is legit. Despite the fact that human beings transmit infections and develop illnesses ALL THE TIME, the idea that only “bad” people get sick from sex still persists. It’s bullshit. And it’s makes disclosure very difficult.

But even though it turned out badly the last time, I still think Sadie did the right thing. The fact that her partner reacted badly isn’t about her, it’s about them. I don’t think Sadie needs to disclose her status right out of the gate. If you’re still getting to know someone and nothing sexual is happening, I think it’s all right to bide your time.

However, if and when Sadie feels that physical intimacy is imminent, I think that disclosing her STI status is the responsible thing to do.

Ideally, it’s not a conversation to have during a hot and heavy make-out session. Probably better to arrange a specific time and place where she and her partner can have a private conversation. It might help to prepare what she wants to say beforehand. I’m not talking about a formal address on index cards, but practicing an opening statement a couple of times in the mirror can make it easier to say what she needs to say in a straightforward manner.

It’s likely that her partner may have questions and concerns. It’s also very possible that her partner will realize that he’s met an honest person with a shit ton of integrity – a person who’s worth sticking around for. Because STIs happen and partners who are willing, figure it out.

So my advice to you Sadie, is to keep doing what you’re doing. I can only image how much that first rejection hurt. But not everyone is like your first partner. There are people who understand that STIs happen, who won’t judge you for it having one. That’s the type of partner you deserve to be with and that’s the partner you can find.

Do you have advice about how best to tell someone you have an STI? Have you had to disclose your status to a partner? Have you had a partner disclose their status to you? The comment section is yours!

*Name changed at the request of the reader. This was originally posted on Adorkable Undies.

Nadine is a sexual health educator, playwright, poet, burlesque performer, partner and parent living in Ottawa, Ontario. The plays and poetry she creates tend toward subjects such as clitorises, vibrators and non-monogamy.

She enjoys candy, fashion and dreck television. She does not care for pants. Find her on Twitter @NadineThornhill. She also blogs on Adorkable Undies. Find her blog on Facebook and Pinterest.

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