This is a post from our Chief Lust Officer, Erica Grigg. She is an expert at feeling and resisting the feelings of shame and guilt. Erica survived her own rape in 2007, and finally ended her own stigma about it in 2012.
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Last week I held numerous interviews for interns. I was so pleased to her one interviewee say, "It seems like this isn't a company. It's a movement." Skip to around 3 days later.
I accidentally made the mistake of tweeting from the wrong account. I tweeted about rape from the @GetLusty twitter account to a 17-year old rape survivor (Savannah Dietrich). She's my idol by the way. I support Savannah. Read why I care & why you should, too.
We support ending shame for rape survivors & others alike
Her story? The two (then) 16-year olds sexually assaulted Savannah because they thought it'd be, "funny". She was extremely intoxicated and they raped her repeatedly and shared pictures with their friends.
Her justice? The attackers were proven guilty and got just 50 hours of community service. Though the court gave Savannah a gag order during the process was (she wasn't allowed to tell who her attackers were) she did it anyway. See Savannah during a media discussion with the Courier Journal.
She's participated in multiple media conversations about the attack and her reaction. All surprisingly calmly and objectively. Though she merely wanted to 'out' her attackers to her friends, the whole world now knows who her attackers were. Review more the Savannah Dietrich story here.
Why does GetLusty care?
You might ask: why the hell would a website called GetLusty for Couples support Savannah Dietrich? On top of that, why would we support other sexual assault survivors? Shouldn't GetLusty just be talking about great sex?
We think sex should be consensual decision by legal adults.
After the tweet was sent, we got an awkward @reply from a naysayer saying we were basically cheering on a minor to have sex. Not true. Even though I tweeted from the wrong account, the support still stands.The shame of the survivor
Savannah, like all rape survivors, lived through the trauma of non-consensual sex. They'll spend months or years to re-build their personal and sexual lives. When they're ready to have safe, consensual, amazing sex, they should know how to do it. As an assault survivor, I felt the shame of being sexual again.
The shame of un-sexuality
Women sometimes feel shame for being sexual. This stands in the way of their sexual development and being sexual in their next relationships. I confided in several friends that I was starting a sex media outlet and had no interest in having sex through the developments of my own rape. I felt un-sexual and shameful.
Say no to shame, yes to a sexual revolution
We think the 1990 book by Ira L. Reiss and Harriet M. Reiss, "An End to Shame: Shaping Our Next Sexual Revolution" is an appropriate title for the result of ending shame.
The first paragraph of the book:
Time is running out for our society. A flood of sexual problems is on the verge of breaking through the leaky dam of our present-day sexual customs. If we are to keep from being overwhelmed, we must make dramatic changes in our way of thinking about sexuality. I was persuaded to write this book by repeatedly hearing people hailing the causes of our sexual crisis as the cure! Many politicians, ministers, educators, and parents maintain that if we were only less tolerant of sexual choice, if we only taught "just say no," then we would be more "decent" and our sexual crisis would fade away. I believe that this intolerant, self-righteous, dogmatic approach to sexuality is precisely what has made us the world leader in all major sexual problems. And it is exactly what we must reject.
Conclusion
When I learned to describe my shame and guilt, I let go of anxiety and useless stress. It made me feel better and sexual again. Without apology. That's what I hope for survivors & average ladies alike. There's no reason for us to apologize about our sexuality.
Say yes to unapologetic sexuality, ladies. You'll be so much happier when you do!
If you don't see Erica riding around downtown, Chicago in her beach cruiser or at a diner with her adoring husband, you see her chatting up the tech community about the importance of sex and love in marriage. Follow Erica on Twitter @ericagrigg or subscribe via Facebook and Google+.
Want to connect about writing, or business partnership with a woman-run business that cares? E-mail me directly at erica@getlusty.com.
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