When you're full of turkey, you're probably thinking no sex is possible right now. No, no. This is the perfect time for a little kink. Your stomach is full, you're just about to fall asleep. And then crack. Their hand hits your rear end and you perk up quicker than a V8 engine. Just because 50 Shades of Grey September came to a close doesn't mean you haven't stopped thinking about BDSM. Haven't experimented yet? The well acclaimed submissive & BDSM sex nerd Lilly Rose is here to talk about getting started with BDSM. Make sure to read the sexual negotiation article, as well as the dominant and submissive traits articles, too!
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Without ado, Lilly Rose delves into getting started with BDSM for newbies. Not sure how to start off? Try these things first!
#1 Be honest
Know what you want and know what your play partner's beliefs are. Have honest and open discussions. In BDSM it is absolutely necessary, for safety reasons, to be upfront about everything.
#2 Embrace your fetishes
Do you like to be teased with a feather? Do you like the idea of being tied up? Do you like the thought of being punished with a spanking? Those are your fetishes, now embrace them! Now for you doms out there: if you like doing the spanking and teasing, then get yourself a sub and go to town!
#3 Negotiate Negotiation is crucial to having some safe BDSM playtime. Sit down with your dom or sub and discuss your limits, your safe word, safe action and aftercare. Make a list and if needed, negotiate changes later. Remember, be honest and open about everything.
#4 Know your limits and create a safe word
Hard limits - Things that must not be done. If a dom tries to push you into something you are not comfortable with, set him straight or move on.
Soft limits - Things you are not quite sure about doing in that moment but could agree to later.
Safe word - The word you utter when you absolutely want the play to end. “No” doesn’t cut it. So another word is absolutely necessary to let your dom know when to stop.
Safe action - The action used when your safe word is unavailable and want to stop play. You need a safe action for times you can't use your safe word, i.e. gagging.
#5 Aftercare
Let’s talk about aftercare. Aftercare is crucial! Aftercare is your dom or play partner checking in on you and making sure you are alright after a scene. This may range from putting ointment on your butt after a paddling to cuddling. It is really important that he or she asks if anything upset you, especially if something made you feel unexpectedly uncomfortable during a scene. This may happen with even the best planning and the best dom. That is why aftercare must always be done!
Feeling good is the ultimate goal of any kind of BDSM play! But as in all sub/dom relationships, trust has to be built up before any kind of intense play. This takes time. You are not going to be jumping into that dungeon right away and being beaten with a belt. That would be foolish for a beginner. Never rush into a relationship with a dom in the BDSM world.
#6 Be safe
Most of all, and I can’t stress this enough, if you want to try BDSM you have to be safe. You should always use a condom and do your research beforehand. BDSM is about testing your limits and going beyond the edge. The more you know about your fetish, the safer you will be going into actualizing it.
Lilly Rose was a kink blogger, geeky Ivy League graduate activist and lover of great doms. Lilly recently completed @letitlingeron and just recently ended her blog into the journey of the world of kink. Lily also writes for Mindchaotica and Evolvedworld, and her Erotica (fiction and non-fiction) can be found at Literotica.
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