Using Non-Violent Communication to Improve Your Relationship

Our Chief Lust Officer, Erica Grigg, was interviewing Lee Harrington. Lee told us he'd been thinking about this non-violent communication for a while, but couldn't find the time to write a post about it. Because, he said, NVC can really help communication in relationships. We said--you know what--that sounds fabulous! So here's the first in a two part series on using non-violent communication to improve your relationship.

After our article it may seem like a no-brainer to you, too. You'd probably be surprised that most of us don't actually use it and this kind of communication can really do wonders. This is part one of our two part series. Our goal in this article: define what is NVC? Our Crimson Love reports.

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Non-violent communication is communicating in a way that puts essential human needs, and compassion first. Here are the four main fundamentals to remember.

#1 Differentiate observation and evaluation

You might wonder, why is this important? When in a heated situation it is important to observe, to see what is really going on, to see what people are feeling, thinking, and witness how they react, all without judgement. Judging can cause you to misread what it going on.

#2 Understand feeling versus thinking

In the heat of an argument it's so important to take mental stock of how you feel. Be quiet and listen to yourself! How you feel and what you think are often two different things and your thoughts are often created by feelings. You can feel abandoned and think very angry thoughts and jump to conclusions. Take the time to connect with what you feel.


#3 Connect with basic human needs

You're in the middle of a fight. All you can think of is how mad you are. How much you need to get your point across first because that's what's important, right? Wrong! What's important is that both of you feel understood and accepted in spite of the current mini-war happening between you and your lover.

4. Request what you want and need instead of what you don't want or need

Ladies, let's be real. Sometimes we have a habit of telling people everything we don't want or don't need when in deed all we need to do is just say what we want and need. And it's not just a woman thing. Sometimes, it's just a people thing, especially if you are more passive aggressive. To make it easier, just be straight forward.

The next time you have a war at home just remember these four things and see how much easier and smoother things go. Information thanks to http://www.cnvc.org/learn/nvc-foundations.

With love from, GetLusty


Crimson is our resident BDSM fetish expert. If you don't see Crimson out dining with her adoring boyfriend, you'll find her reading books on innovation or finance. Crimson is currently finishing off her Bachelor's, she is passionate about food, photography, music and especially sex--and she's not afraid to talk about it. With everyone!

Have story ideas? Get in touch with amber@getlusty.com.